Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

Why would the average 20-year-old know more about the Internet than the average 50-year-old? 50-year-olds have had a lot more time to learn about it than 20-year-olds. Some of them were involved with developing the Internet while 20-year-olds were at school learning to read and write. Whilst there are some elderly people who haven't used Internet much and some people over 70 will have cognitive impairments, that's not true of 50-year-olds.

As for your observation that more people in their 40s are scammed vs. people under 40 does it not occur to you that there are a lot more adults over 40 then under 40?

I am not going to engage any further with this thread but just to add some things. To the person who said I should have let people know last night, I was pretty exhausted, I had sleepless nights due to my LO being unwell last week. When she messaged me at 11:30 I went straight to sleep, when I had time in the morning I updated.

However, I appreciate the comments that have offered support. I have since spoken to her and she is aware that there are risks involved with OLD and we have put arrangements in place and she was also apologetic for causing unnecessary worry. She does get lonely and does crave companionship, she previously volunteered at a charity shop on Saturdays in her spare time and since it’s closed she doesn’t socialise as much, also since Covid she’s had very little contact with people in general, she has been on her own for many years and has since found a little joy in her life for which I think is a positive thing. As for the poster insinuating she has special needs for not contacting me, that’s really quite uncalled for. She is very much from the generation where people were welcome and everyone was friendly with everyone but it could also be cultural because her mother is not British, she’s a very happy-go-lucky person and that’s just one of her personality traits but I’ve made her aware of things and she has listened.

Some people are actually so weird on this thread.

Why should've OP updated last night? Not like you got no sleep over it just pure nosiness.

Some of you are actually so weird. Get your head checked and leave OP alone. Weird.

You're actually weird.

Very invested in someone you don't know. You're just nosey.

Spoiler Alert - All is fine ...

FFS, the OP updated to say that her mum was fine about a million posts ago.

As for those who say she's as bad as her mum for not updating the salivating people on here: that is completely batshit. People really do need to find something else to do than be pissed off with the OP for having a life and not keeping them updated every second.

It has also led to an egregious overuse of capital letters and exclamation marks.

It's not though. Internet dating has been around for at least 20 years and before that there were small ads in the papers. A friend of mine did online dating more than 15 years ago and met several men one of whom she is now married to. They were in their 60s when they married.

She does get lonely and does crave companionship, she previously volunteered at a charity shop on Saturdays in her spare time and since it’s closed she doesn’t socialise as much, also since Covid she’s had very little contact with people in general, she has been on her own for many years and has since found a little joy in her life for which I think is a positive thing.

@Shouldiworryaboutthis Not sure if you will read this after your update, but my advice based on the above is....

I don't think it's a positive thing to reply on online dating for some 'joy' if she has an empty life in every other way.

Encourage your Mum to find friendships groups and a social life that isn't solely about doing OLD. Relying on OLD (IF this is what you mean by 'a little joy in her life') is not really a sound move as she risks being hurt by all the weird guys out there (and she sounds very vulnerable.)

She's still quite young and I'm wondering if she works? If not, why not and is it something she could do? Employers are crying out for staff in every field and are very keen to employ older people who are reliable.

If she's sitting at home all day and relying on OLD for some happiness that's pretty sad.

Apologies if she does work, but what you posted suggests she is very isolated and doesn't have any friends or social life.

I still find (like other posters) that it's slightly odd you are doing the 'minding' rather than her own close friends. And you might want to think about posting so much detail (her text?) that could identify her, if what she wrote was true.

Isn't the reason over 40s are scanned more online is because they have more money or access to money.

Why would you target a fresh out of university graduate for cash over a say divorced homeowner?

So you target those with the money to make it worthwhile targeting.

If your mum is looking for things to do, she could enrol in a course for study. It's a great way to meet new people.

Drumming or guitar lessons would be fun too.

They aren't more likely to be scanned online although they may lose more money if they are. People between 16 and 34 are much more susceptible, which isn't surprising, as contrary to the opinion of some posters on this thread, people generally get wiser as they get older (unless cognitively impaired). It's a bit sad that some posters think it's the other way around and are expecting to get more gullible.

And before the Internet people were still able to join dating/matching agencies. I knew people who signed up. It's nothing new.

You are all wrong in your message. She works and did volunteer on Saturdays at a charity shop, that has closed. She isn’t sitting at home all day and relying on OLD, she merely wants to find companionship and possibly more but is open to expanding her friendship group too, how you’ve come to this conclusion is baffling. It’s not un-heard of for a woman in her late 50’s to want to find joy in her life, keep active and make more like-minded friends. She is also fairly new to OLD. Nowhere have I suggested she doesn’t work, doesn’t have friends and doesn’t have a social life and is very isolated. It is not minding, it is ensuring that she is safe and caring for her much the same you would for any female friends/relatives and it’s well-known that letting family/friends know you’re on a date is sensible advice and yes she did let me know she was meeting this man and not a friend because we’re close and again that’s not unheard of. Also a little baffled that you suggest I encourage her to find friendship groups but tell me that I shouldn’t be ‘minding’ her. I’m not going to encourage her to do anything, if she wants to find companionship or relationship that’s entirely up to her and totally her right to do that. I really don’t think she is going to care about me posting her response and to insinuate it’s not true, that’s on you if you choose to believe a poster or not but I have nothing to gain by making it up. In future, maybe try not to make up your own narrative that clearly isn’t there.

I don't think her Mum has asked for ideas of things to do. She clearly has her own interests.

@WrapAroundCover I'm in my 50s and perfectly capable of doing my online banking. Not stressed about banks closing. The ageism on this site is terrible.

Totally! At what age do these people think they are going to start losing their marbles and need checking up on all the time - 50? 40? It's very sad to have such expectations. My Dad was doing his own online shopping and Internet banking until he died at 92.

This.

@WrapAroundCover

I'm interested to know how old you are.

when I moved to my home 20 years ago there were 5 banks on my local high street. Now there are none. Strangely enough at the grand old age of 57 I have not dissolved into a puddle of stress and general incompetence because like most people I do online banking

you seem to have some really strange ideas about what 'old' is and the capacity of over the 50s to function without the aid of the young folk.

Nice to see you are back OP and still supporting her!

Well, sorry for the misunderstanding, but you did write this...

She does get lonely and does crave companionship, she previously volunteered at a charity shop on Saturdays in her spare time and since it’s closed she doesn’t socialise as much, also since Covid she’s had very little contact with people in general, she has been on her own for many years

I'm not sure how you think that doesn't look as if your mum is isolated.

You've said she gets lonely, doesn't volunteer now, doesn't socialise much, and had little contact with people in general.

You seemed to be describing a very different person then.

If all she wants is a man/ partner/ boyfriend and the rest of her life is great, then that's not the impression you gave. What came over was a rather unworldly, too trusting woman, who lived a lonely life, whose daughter felt she was not keeping safe when doing OLD.

Thankfully, she's not and let's hope her date at the weekend brings her happiness.

@Shouldiworryaboutthis Did you miss the part where in the post of mine that you quoted I did apologise in advance if I was mistaken?

@WrapAroundCover you were talking about over 50s, not over 90s.