Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

Oh op really sorry, I'd be worried too. I hope she's fine and just having a great date!

To those who are saying it's an overreaction, I can't believe you can't see how it would be an obviously concerning thing?! If someones you love is meeting a stranger, it's reasonable to consider the possibility that that person is not a safe person. Sure, the vast majority of these situations work out completely fine, but sometimes they don't. And if your loved one has said they will contact you and doesn't, and doesn't receive your contact attempts and this person usually replies/answers and suddenly isn't then it is completely reasonable to be concerned and want to make sure they're okay. How anyone doesn't understand this is beyond me 🙄

Assuming your mother is a fully functioning adult, I think you have no reason to worry. She may have set her phone to silent or DND. I love my kids dearly, but I don’t feel I have to check in with them every time I go out, and if they expected it, I’d consider that nosey and intrusive.

Right. But you’re missing out all of the context aren’t you? She isn’t just randomly bombarding her mother with texts on any old Saturday simply because her mum hasn’t replied. Her mum isn’t contactable after meeting a strange man from an internet dating site, despite agreeing to be in touch.

What a worry. Is there anyone else who can check on her? Does she have a landline?

OP isn’t expecting her mother to check in with her “every time she goes out”. She’s worried on this particular occasion because her mother is believed to have met an unknown man and is now uncontactable, despite having agreed to get in touch.

I can’t believe some people are finding this very simple scenario so difficult to understand. Unless they’re wilfully misrepresenting it in their replies. Which is a weird thing to do.

I agree, I am also your Mum’s age. I would also be worried about my dd if the situation was reversed .

I wouldn't be able to settle until I knew she was ok. Do you usually text or ring before you go to bed?

She will probably be ok hope she contacts you soon.

This would worry me to op. I would have to go and check on her if it was me

I would hate to know some posters on here. Imagine having no concerns about a loved one meeting a stranger then going MIA.

As a mother, if I’d agreed to contact my daughter to reassure her because I was in a potentially risky situation, and I hadn’t; I would do everything in my power to let her know.

if I hadn’t, I’d expect (want) her to be worried.

The agreement was, she’s let you know everything was okay. She hasn’t.

Escalate this. I am sure she is fine. But you have a role to play here.

... you're the same age as her Mum, but you're not THE spokesman for people our age!!

If I'd said I'd keep in touch during the day, ESPECIALLY on a first date with an Internet random, but hadn't I'd appreciate my daughter checking on me NOT 'leaving me alone'.

Yes I agree the age is irrelevant.

I would be worried too, and she is irrelevant. Is there anyone, friend/relative/neighbour you can trace through social media and get them to check on her?

*age not she!!

Me too! If you’re someone’s safety contact you’ve agreed to ensure you know that they’re are safe. Internet dating is potentially dangerous and that’s why this precaution is strongly advised. It doesn’t matter whether they’re 20 or 50.

No I'd be so so worried. I'd have to send someone round to knock on.

I'd be worrying, especially if she said she would contact you.

If you can't contact a neighbour or friend, can you call 101 and ask police to do a safe and well check? Might be OTT and cause embarrassing situation all round, but also might not.

I'd be bundling kids into the car and going over at this point.

I agree with everyone who has said that you have every right to be worried. I am hoping you have this now resolved and your mum is safe.

It is probably a case of her phone is on silent, her date went on a bit and then she came home and fell asleep, comoletely forgetting she promised to message you. Or, perhaps the guy didn't get in touch or stood her up and she felt low about it abd didn't feel like talking to anyone and had an early night (with phone on silent).

I hope you find out soon, but certainly tell her that as much as you understand she is an adult, that she had you worried. She told you she'd message and didn't so it is totally understandable you are worried.

However, as for the here and now, I think you should maybe ask someone to do a check as it will be a long night ahead of worry for you. If any embarrassmebt is caused, she is the one who kicked this off by telling you she had a date with someone she met online, promising to message you and then disappearing.

I keep checking this thread to see if she's turned up.
Tell her she's kept us ALL up tomorrow, @Shouldiworryaboutthis

This! I understand your concern, but she’s a middle aged adult; she’s not elderly, and she is entitled to some privacy and space, even if it is to make mistakes. No way would I bundle up my children and go over to her house. I’m 50 and dating. I hope she has had a lovely time.

Not ALL. The menopause is keeping me up.

Have a rest and let your mum get railed in peace. Honestly.

The OP says her mum said she'd message her to let her know "how things were going". How has everyone turned that into some vital "safety check"?

Maybe, to the mum, it was just a "ooh, it's so exciting, I'll let you know how it's going later!!". Where to some of you it seems it was more "if you don't hear from me by eight, call the police".

Fir all we know, the mum didn't let the daughter know "how it was going" because it wasn't going abd they never even met.

But either way, it doesn't sound as if there was any agreement to check in for safety reasons, more for chatty reasons. The latter of which you would not do if you were having loads of fun.