He wants to move in and blend our families.

[torndawn]

The thought fills me with dread.

Me and my DP have been together 18 months. I adore him and love having him around.

His children all live with him, however they are teenagers (16/17/19) so he'll often spends 2/3 night here and when my 2DC 2 nights of the week are with there dad I stay with him.

My home is able to house us all, and he's been saying for months and months we should all live together. This has recently ramped up with him understandably worrying about the cost of living.

The thought fills me with dread. My children (8 and 10) are obvs much younger than his and we live very harmoniously. I'm so worried about rocking the boat. His house on the other hand always feels so chaotic, nothing bad just normal teenager stuff, rooms a total disgrace, eating all the food, always shouts of "where's my charger, who's took my straighteners, dad will you tell DS/DB he's done thiiiisss or that, I need money, I need a lift" bathroom always full of clothes on the floor, teenagers in pyjamas all day"

They are all lovely children and he runs a tight ship despite all the above. They are mostly respectful and polite. It is of note though that the 17yr old boy is autistic and that comes with obvs difficulties (mainly personal hygiene, excessive eating, mess, in the house 24/7 as no friends to socialise with, constant requests to play/draw/watch TV with him) he's a kind gentle soul though.

The thought of x4 more washing, constant noise, food not being there as expected, all that mess, no alone time. (I work from home so when my DC are at school I thrive off the silence).

We had a deep chat last night about it all which ended with me in tears as I find the prospect overwhelming. We've just walked my dog and he said "Dawn that's the second time you've got upset at the prospect of us living together, and your only reason is you don't want to live with my children, if this is the case then it really is a non starter and I can't see a future".

The thought of loosing him breaks my heart.

It's shit, I know we can set ground rules etc but the risk and loss if it doesn't work out is huge.

I don't know what I'm asking really, feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Best of luck whatever you decide, OP. I’d say carry on as you are, if that keeps on working for you all. You want the best for your children and for DP’s children too, though you obviously love your own most and take responsibility for their happiness. You deserve happiness, and I hope it all works out well.

Seems OP is doing great (with regards to her circumstances), listening to your own doubts and using available options for exploring them more.

I won't say that introducing a new partner after 6 months together is necessarily a bad thing. Children aren't stupid and would recognise someone exists, be curious and can invent stuff up just to deal with the uncertainty.

One friend met her partner's children affer half a year, their mother expressed preference to use some holidays for the first meeting, so the children would have time to process it before getting back to school. The children preferred spending time with both over just father and so did their mother. They aren't together anymore, but one of the teenagers is still in touch (both parents know and are ok, the teen got themselves an extra auntie). Yes, he probably wasn't the best parent to start with so the situation is different, but no reason for OP to feel bad about her past decision, MN is just obsessed with hiding new partners for ages.

Just no

I haven’t read through the whole post but I would not want to feel pushed to live with anyone. I am a single mum to two dc. Our life is so much calmer since my relationship ended. I wouldn’t want to rock that. I wouldn’t consider it until my children had grown up. As a woman we unfortunately end up doing more cooking/cleaning etc in some situations. Caring for another 4 people is a lot. If your happy as you are he will need to listen to you.