Dating - what is reckless?

[Shuggz]

Hi all,
Apologies if this sounds silly, just wanting to get some objective opinions.
I am currently dating and met up with a fella at the weekend. I did stay over in his place and had shared with a friend where I'd be, his phone number etc just in case and I also told her I'd check in at some stage during the night.
I told my sister about it this afternoon because I was a bit unsure of things and she went mental and told me that I had been incredibly foolish to go over to his like this. I was a bit shocked because I didn't think I had been very foolish, and while I know that there is always a risk I thought I had taken precautions just in case.
Since I haven't been back in the dating scene for a while...did I really did something really stupid or is my sister just over the top? Are there other things that should really be done and considered?
Thanks!

Was it your first date?

Sounds like you went back to his on the first meeting? Yes I think that’s reckless but it’s your choice you are an adult so I wouldn’t comment on it irl.

No, our second one...we got on really during the first one which had been in a public place of course.

I guess if you’ve just met this guy, yes it is risky. Even if you’ve told someone where you’ll be, that’s only useful if they need to locate you if you don’t return home, and by the time people start looking for people in these scenarios it’s usually too late. As tempting as it might be, and as nice as the man might be, it’s not worth the risk so early on.

did I really did something really stupid

Yes.

is my sister just over the top?

No

Sometimes it just feels right. It was the third date for me but I would have after 2 if circumstances had allowed. I don't think it's reckless you have to trust your gut instinct

a woman was killed by her tinder date whose place she went back to so yes it is a risk and your sisters probably just concerned about you

Agree @gogohmm
I stayed over on our third date, because we lived 2hrs apart. It felt right at the time - and still is right as we are still together 10 years on. Though I do understand the dangers, and it can go very wrong.

Ok, I personally wouldn’t go to a man’s house on the first few dates and while I don’t consider it reckless merely my own preference many people do. Logically it’s silly - many women go to men’s houses on first dates and nothing happens, sadly many women are raped and/or killed by their husband of many years, so there’s no reason to think it reckless.

I would keep doing your ‘safety measures’ and just not tell your sister stuff.

I think if someone is planning to murder you (which is presumably one of the concerns here) then they would probably wait until 3/4/5 date if they really wanted to do it.

I've done similar OP, on several occasions (& also given details to a friend).

I would send a pin location to someone reliable and make a point of making a comment that others know where you are. I've don't that before even made a joke of it when photographing car reg on a date.

Sounds like you thought it through and took precautions. You were far more safety conscious than for example if you had had a drunken one night stand with a stranger. Someone could be violent/ turn on you 6 months into a relationship. You never know. Everyone has different levels of what they think is safe or OK. You are the only one who actually went on that date and met the man, so you're best placed to judge how he came across. Dating isn't easy, you're doing your best and that's all you can do. Hope that you had a lovely night x

Thanks all. I think I can understand my sister a little bit, but I couldn't really understand why she got so mad. I did tell him in a jokey way that I had shared with people where I'd be so he better not murder me. I didn't think I had been "incredibly reckless" but maybe everyone has their own opinion on this.

I’d wait until I’d had a few more dates before going to his place and also do a very thorough internet stalk. I see it as a red flag if anyone wants to invite me over so early too.

on date 2, this guy is essentially a stranger

I did try to internet stalk him (this sounds terrible) before going over but I couldn't find much. He did say that he didn't really post much anywhere because he can't be bothered so that made sense.
I had a really good time but time will tell

How long have you been speaking for? You definetely did the right thing by letting someone know your address etc. In regards to whether it was the right thing to do or not going back to his house - personally I wouldn't of done it but then I will say its unbelievable how many women would and how easy it is to get sex on demand these days. My male bestfriend is on tinder and he will match with a girl and within an hour she will be in a taxi on the way to his place - a man she's never met before 🤦‍♀️ I've got daughters and if I ever find out they're doing something so reckless I'll probably end up locking them in a tower 😂

This.

Just a few days 😳But not on the first date, though he didn't even try to invite me then. He asked me the next day if I wanted to come over and I thought I could just go and see 🙈
Maybe not my smartest move but I liked him

Your second date was at his house?

are you a takeaway pizza?

Oh come on! Surely we've all had one night stands? Sure, it's a risk. Life is a risk.
My boundary op is to meet first time in a public place. Share with friend. Then go with instinct.

Meh, just as with everything in life its a gamble. Luckily it turned out fine, its probably just the mum in me being protective 😂 no doubt back when I was single and child free I'd of probably thought very differently x

Really? :(

yes really. Wise up.

What low-effort nonsense. 1 date and then it’s ‘come
over to mine’.

Your sister is right- it’s reckless and this man is a stranger…but even if he isn’t an axe murderer, raise your bar and standards.

you deserve to go out on dates and get to know a guy safely, in nice settings, having dinner or doing activities or sharing nice experiences together. You shouldn’t be taxiing yourself to a man’s house like you are a large
stuffed crust pizza to be consumed for bloody date 2

But @Suprima
What if you want sex too? Maybe your bar is really high, but you like sex? Is that not allowed?

All of this.

Value yourself more, OP.