Dating - what is reckless?

[Shuggz]

Hi all,
Apologies if this sounds silly, just wanting to get some objective opinions.
I am currently dating and met up with a fella at the weekend. I did stay over in his place and had shared with a friend where I'd be, his phone number etc just in case and I also told her I'd check in at some stage during the night.
I told my sister about it this afternoon because I was a bit unsure of things and she went mental and told me that I had been incredibly foolish to go over to his like this. I was a bit shocked because I didn't think I had been very foolish, and while I know that there is always a risk I thought I had taken precautions just in case.
Since I haven't been back in the dating scene for a while...did I really did something really stupid or is my sister just over the top? Are there other things that should really be done and considered?
Thanks!

WRT a man not 'respecting' you if you have sex on date 1 or 2.

I think the opposite can be true.

If it's a good man, then he respects your confidence, your knowing and owning what you want, the honesty.

Whereas it's a fairly bad man, who would respect a woman who plays games, withholding something you both want.

"they find an easy lay a turn off"

Ewww. And, they wouldn't like me then. Easiest lay ever.

I think one poster said she made a man wait for 2 and a half years. As if this was a good thing. That is controlling and deeply unhealthy behaviour.

arethereanyleftatall

agree . If a man buys into the ‘Madonna whore’ thing….,,
then he is an un enlightened twat

there are and always will be gender differences in some ways we behave , react and are
and that’s why us hetero ladies like the men
for their manliness ! Their dicks 🙂

but on this topic it’s bullshit , and it’s 2022

@Shuggz
You said "I had expected a discussion on safety, risky and safeguarding tips but I never thought I’d (and women like me) be judged so much, especially by other women"

I must be on the wrong thread then, because I have seen advice on safety and safeguarding here, it's seems however, that you don't want to hear them.

To be fair, there haven't been a lot of 'judgmental' posts, so I think that 'playing the victim' isn't justified.

Maybe you should lower your expectations ? If you put your head above the parapet and ask for advice on a forum, then someone will come along and shoot it off.

It's no use posting and asking for opinions and then getting your panties in a bunch when you don't like what people say.

''@arethereanyleftatall
WRT a man not 'respecting' you if you have sex on date 1 or 2. I think the opposite can be true. If it's a good man, then he respects your confidence, your knowing and owning what you want, the honesty. Whereas it's a fairly bad man, who would respect a woman who plays games, withholding something you both want.''

I don't think that if a woman wants to take some time to get to know someone first she is ''playing games'' or ''withholding anything''.

As many people have said there is often a simple concern about safety and wanting to spend more time with the person enjoying dating rather than immediately sleeping with them. This is also an illustration of being confident and knowing what you want.

Neither options are wrong. It is just a question of making the right choice for your own individual preferences.

I would say that I personally would give a man who wants sex on the first or second date a miss. Because I would see this as entitled and a possible sign of a casual sex seeker, especially when online dating. You might see this as ''honest'' and ''confident'' on their part but I actually would wonder whether they are only dating to sleep with as many women as possible. So equally some men might be put off by a woman who wants to have sex on the first date because they might think about whether she is doing the same thing with a lot of people. It works both ways. It simply helps us find partners who have similar values and expectations as us. Nothing wrong with that.

@Redqueenheart
Apologies, I now realise my post was ambiguous. I was referring only to the posters who have said women should deliberately withhold sex even if they want it and are comfortable.

@Redqueenheart Sorry, but if someone tells me that I have devalued myself, or set the bar low etc I find that little constructive and merely judgemental.

@Shuggz You said
"Sorry, but if someone tells me that I have devalued myself, or set the bar low etc I find that little constructive and merely judgemental"

OK, that is your opinion which you are entitled to have.

But, as I said in a previous post, if you choose to put your life on view, on a forum, in front of random strangers, then some people will judge you. That's because they have opinions as well and your opinion doesn't trump theirs.

If you are secure in your choices, then it doesn't matter what people say, does it?

{mention:Shuggz}'@Redqueenheart Sorry, but if someone tells me that I have devalued myself, or set the bar low etc I find that little constructive and merely judgemental.''

If you are comfortable with your choice then that should not be an issue.

Some people will think that it was not a smart move safety-wise or the best way to go about things if you were after a relationship.

Others will think it was perfectly fine.

That's just people having and expressing different opinions.

People who express a different opinion are not necessarily judgemental.

I am probably older than you are and believe me I have seen more than enough of the world to know not to trust men so easily and to have learned that sleeping with someone you had just met comes with a strong likelihood that they will put you in the FWB category or disappear the next day . It is not judgement it is unfortunately often the reality of the world we live in.