Dating - what is reckless?

[Shuggz]

Hi all,
Apologies if this sounds silly, just wanting to get some objective opinions.
I am currently dating and met up with a fella at the weekend. I did stay over in his place and had shared with a friend where I'd be, his phone number etc just in case and I also told her I'd check in at some stage during the night.
I told my sister about it this afternoon because I was a bit unsure of things and she went mental and told me that I had been incredibly foolish to go over to his like this. I was a bit shocked because I didn't think I had been very foolish, and while I know that there is always a risk I thought I had taken precautions just in case.
Since I haven't been back in the dating scene for a while...did I really did something really stupid or is my sister just over the top? Are there other things that should really be done and considered?
Thanks!

I've done in several occasions when I was younger and did with my now fiancé. 10 years together now and expecting a baby so glad I followed my gut! As you did I told my best friend at the time and sent location etc. I think if you are sober/in a state to take decisions and listen to your intuition, obviously the risk is still there but sadly so it is when walking at night and in many other situations. You are an adult and while your sister may feel entitled to comment on it I think it's a bit out of place to make a big deal out of it.

@Shuggz
But when meeting up and using protection there shouldn’t be such fear mongering.

But is using protection actually happening?

The figures for STDs in the 15-24 age group would suggest not.

As regards "scaremongering"

Despite their many benefits – condoms can’t offer 100% protection during sex, which is why it’s important to take other precautions, like getting tested for STIs. This should be done yearly if changing partners regularly.

Women are subject to sexual inequality when it comes to STDs. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) often don’t have symptoms for women.

Women face more serious health consequences from untreated STIs,
which can lead to chronic pain, infertility and other health complications.
Therefore it is important to talk about STI screening and testing with new partners.

This isn't "scaremongering" it's common sense.

@Thisisworsethananticpated TheMoonisaBalloon
fuck you 😗

Well aren't you just a peach?

Thank you for confirming my post at 10.57

TheMoonisaBalloon

back atcha for your equally delightful and compassionate message to me

a personal comment like that is far more nasty vindictive than my fairly generic insult

I hope you never work in a GUM clinic or rape crisis setting
your nasty 🤢

No one is throwing brick bats at you. Sex positivity is allowing women to conduct their sex lives however they want with no judgement. The only judgement here is from posters being sanctimonious about anyone who enjoys sex and thinks there's more to life than what men want. Women are building businesses, developing incredible new technologies, climbing mountains, winning medals, treating tumours, running the country - and all that has happened because their focus in life is on what makes THEM happy. And wanting partners who support and encourage that side of them, prioritise their needs, instead of judging their sex lives. How about we judge a good partner on whether he's happy to do the school run so you can make a big meeting, or clean the house because you're tired, or let you have a weekend to do your hobby while he looks after the kids, or raises his daughters and sons to be equal to each other - instead of how long he's willing to wait to sleep with you. And how soon you have sex has zero bearing on any of those qualities of a man.

The Op is NOT you. Nor is she her sister. She isn't asking whether this guy will call her again, she doesn't even know if she wants to see him again. And doesn't deserve to be called 'take away pizza' and 'reckless' because she conducts herself differently to others.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

your nasty

and you're illiterate and stupid.

Are you done?

@ganvough

Sigh.

I think you are so busy riding your feminist hobby-horse that you are not absorbing what anyone else has to say.

Where in my postings am I being judgemental ffs?

instead of how long he's willing to wait to sleep with you. And how soon you have sex has zero bearing on any of those qualities of a man.

I'm not arguing with you.

And doesn't deserve to be called 'take away pizza' and 'reckless' because she conducts herself differently to others.

I think you have the wrong poster as I never called her either of those things.

My very valid concerns are for women who follow the 'hook-up- culture' and have casual sex with strangers.

www.elle.com.au/culture/sexual-choking-strangulation-dangers-26953

@ganvough your desire to push your agenda makes you blind to serious issues. I hope you don't have daughters who learn this humiliating behaviour from you (or let's hope they never experience rape/ STD/violence in one of the hook ups you seem to want to promote on them)

As I said, thankfully not a concern of mine, I'm just sad for those women who can't value themselves. I think there's also a massive link between education levels and willingness to have casual sex. Someone with high degrees (masters, PhD) is likely to be well aware of their intellectual capabilities and this reflects also in the normal daily behaviour with men and in general

😂😂😂 @forgotoldusername
That's cringe.

@ganvough
You have the patience of a saint, know that you have intellectually wiped the floor with your two 'opponents', remaining calm and non judgemental where they have failed. They're too narrow minded, but maybe someone reading will take from your wise words. I'd bow out, they'll never listen or get it.

I had expected a discussion on safety, risky and safeguarding tips but I never thought I’d (and women like me) be judged so much, especially by other women.

I would never do this, especially not if you are online dating or just met someone in a bar.

This is a complete stranger and anything could happen.

Also it is lazy dating for him to expect you to just turn up at his house after only one date and minimal effort involved. Unless you don't mind casual sex of course.

Men rarely value what they can get too easily and you are setting the tone for the rest of the relationship by making yourself too easily available to him from the start.

This thread has gone in a bizarre direction!

I was (and still am) of the opinion that going to a strange man’s house on your second date is unwise. That’s it. No shaming grown women for wanting to have lots of lovely consensual sex.

I wandered off for a bit and it’s suddenly gone all Magdalen Sisters. I’m so sorry, OP!

@Shuggz With all due respect i think you are being rather naiive here.

I never thought I’d (and women like me) be judged so much, especially by other women.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "and women like me"...

However, even though people are entitled to behave how they like, there are consequences for every behavioural choice.
All behaviours may attract judgements, comments, conclusions, censure and criticism from others and it is disingenuous to suggest otherwise.

BTW I haven't judged you. I flagged up the issues of STDs as a real concern for all women.

Shuggz

i haven't had the best time either here 😂

I’ve had one Sweetheart of a poster wish that my ex cheated on me , and gave me an STD though attending sex parties !!! Just lovely 😊

and I’m not illiterate
but I’m a lazy typer that’s true

TheMoonisaBalloon

you have however judged and insulted me , far more than I have you

Some of the comments here are nothing but judgmental though and questioning value, educational status etc. i still think the takeaway food comparison took the biscuit though because a man would not be judged like this.
Well we’re going on another date at the weekend (daytime activity in town, evening to be decided), so he might not mind dragging the used pizza carton around with him in case he gets hungry.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Yeah some comments here definitely need to be taken with a pinch of salt. My masters degree in the drawer just pulverised as well because I seem to be behaving like an uneducated whatever. I am not taking these comments to heart but I hope nobody else reads them and feels shamed by them.

I don't imagine a single person read that comment and didn't just think what a complete and utter twat that poster is.

That's fabulous, hope it goes well. Nice to find a man who doesn't judge you for doing exactly the same thing he did.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I found that comment so cruel, especially as someone who has also recently been cheated on (by my husband). Blaming a woman for her taste in men when her partner cheats? Talk about absolving men of responsibility for their own actions and victim blaming.

OP, have a lovely time on your date! I wish my second date was this weekend, but my chap is away with work abroad until the following weekend (or going to lots of sex parties if some posters are to be believed).

Let us know how your date goes!

I wouldn't be compatible with someone who could last months (YEARS!!!) Without sex.

I want a DP who wants sex every day.

I dumped a guy once who didn't want to go home together after a second date. I felt like I'd wasted my time. Was very frustrated!

@felulageller

Well I've seen some stupid posts on this site but yours takes the biscuit.

I want a DP who wants sex every day.

So you'd want sex when you've just got home from giving birth, you have postpartum bleeding, you're exhausted, you feel like your innards have dropped out, your boobs are aching and swollen and feel like two melons on your chest, and you are stitched from fanny to a/hole and are so sore it just isn't real ??!

You've got a rude awakening to come sweetie 🙄

This thread has turned a bit nasty 🥺

it should be possible to limit the discussion to just safety and physical risk. The problem is that anyone who points out that there really is no way to engage in casual encounters without accepting a high degree of risk is automatically accused of judging the choice to have the encounter. From there, the Battle Royale begins again.

I wish we lived in a world where casual sexual encounters didn’t bring a whole host of potential complications. We just can’t wish away diseases, which condoms don’t completely protect against, or violent, predatory men. I also wish I didn’t have to walk the long way home from my late class at university because women kept getting raped on the short path. I wish men didn’t on average have a strength advantage over women that means in a fight they are more likely to win. I wish I didn’t have to explain to my daughter that most of the absolutely awful teenage boys at her school will eventually mature into decent men like her father, but that in the meantime she has to just try to ignore them. I wish a lot of things about the world were different for women.