How can I resolve this issue about the condom

[CK0513]

How can I resolve this issue about the condom?

Silly situation where the only thing I been looking for is honesty.

23 years ago, I started dating my now wife, we love each other in a big way, at that moment one day by mistake I ended up snooping into drawers, looking for a pen and I found a box of condoms where one of them was missing, then I found a Diary where she wrote this. “Neither one of us had a condom so we need to wait” , we been thru therapist on and off for 23 years where she's trying to make me understand that she never used that condom with that guy, she wrote as a fantasies that people write in diaries, as a men I truly don't understand how a person write things that are not true, Is that true that women write fantasies in diaries? she's been suffering so much because this, me on top of her on this issue asking for honesty, and always the same story of her saying that she grabbed the condom and fill it with water by curiosity. It’s been 23 years and she can't take it anymore, she's tired and after lots of tears and pain , we are again in therapy, she's still fighting for me insisting that she's not lying, I need to stop on this but all I’m looking is honesty, she's the most honest person I know and I know I’m about to loose her. Please serious comments on this issue.

To know people opinions in both genders not only the women side, which is been my case with all the female therapists we have seen! I'm always create some kind of anxiety and looking for an excuse to think she's lying, the last one was always female therapists

Women aren't a monolith.

It's not because I'm a woman that I think you're emotionally abusing your wife.

It's because you're emotionally abusing her.

Your therapists haven't been on your wife's 'side' because they're women.

They've been on her 'side' because you're emotionally abusing her.

You've just said you're always 'looking for an excuse to think she's lying'.

What do you think gives you the right to continue accusing your wife for something for two decades? Why do you think she has to answer to you?

You seem to think of men and women as so different that all people of the same gender think the same way. I've never known a man who sees women as his equal to think that way.

I hope no kids grew up in your household witnessing this dynamic, it will have been so damaging if they did.

So do you think after more than 2 decades of both torturing ourselves because this stupidity of me and both crying and suffering, there's a chance she's lying?

Oh ffs I give up.

If you're a real person, you're incredibly abusive and manipulative, and I hope your wife gets the support she needs in order to leave her abuser.

If you're not a real person, you've done well to cosplay someone so frustratingly obsessed and abusive.

Either way therapy is a very good idea.

The men point of view on this issue is very important to me, not because the gender is because I haven't have the opportunity to have the men side on my issue, I truly value both opinions, no matter the gender, and that was my last excuse and I say it! oh of course all female therapist!!! is what I think. Do you understand me ?

So do you think after more than 2 decades of both torturing ourselves because this stupidity of me and both crying and suffering, there's a chance she's lying?

The only person doing any torturing is you. You are torturing your wife. She is 100% the victim and you are 100% the perpetrator. You seem fully unable to accept what you need to do, which is to Just. Stop. It.

I just need your honest opinion That's all!

And yes!!! always looking for my meetings with the therapist! Don't you think I'm trying???

I just need your honest opinion That's all!

I've given it to you.

My honest opinion is that you're abusing your wife and have been doing so for two decades.

And as you haven't answered re kids, I assume that you have some who grew up under the same roof as this abuse. Am I right that you had kids with her?

You're the only person in the whole scenario who isn't a victim mate.

You're even trying to control the thread, by saying people should only answer yes or no.

It's a public discussion forum. You don't get to police it.

What a frighteningly controlling man you are.

Unfortunately for you, you can't control us.

Because you enjoy torturing your wife.

You're a horrible abusive person and should not be married to anyone.

not surprised you have ‘nobody else’ but a bunch of strangers on the internet to talk to. You’re just not a nice person.

Struggling to believe that anyone could be this dense.

Ok got your point, yes that was wrong of me to try to have a yes or No answer on this from all of you, I'm just need to have more opinions because I feel lonely and I have nobody to talk about this That's all, My apologies

You’re not looking for the truth though are you.

you’re looking for validation.

i hope your wife escapes.

yes we are about to lose everything and I know is my fault, but is very hard for me too, I'm so obsessed looking for the truth

Dear diary, Wednesday is nearly here and he still won't drop it. Not even when a huge forum with male and female posters all say its him. He still can't accept that I told the truth. On and on and on... why the hell did I marry such a loser???

We don't actually care how hard it is for you, we are just hoping your wife gets away.

Ok, How can I leave everything behind? it seems to me the therapist helps! but last time we have this episode was 8 years ago, then we were happy! then again the past four months, I have my doubts about her lying about that! she's the one that always suggest me to go to he therapist to believe in what she say to me is true

You don't help me with your comments! too aggressive but thanks anyway!

Leaving everything behind is very easy. You tell her that you accept that you are a toxic abuser and that she should divorce you. Then she instigates a divorce and you settle your split like adults. Then she walks away, gets a lot of solo therapy to repair the damage you have done and hopefully lives happily ever after.

You become a hermit and live on a mountaintop with some goats so that you don't have to manage human relationships ever again.

If your wife wants a divorce, the two of you divorce.

You don't get to continue a relationship just because you don't want to let go. You cannot force someone to remain in a relationship with you.

Do you have obsessive thoughts and habits about other things?

The only comment you want to hear is that your wife lied to you.

thanks for your help! I hope you are not a therapist

I'm just need to have more opinions because I feel lonely and I have nobody to talk about this

You aren't talking 'to' us though because you're not actually engaging with us.

You're just alternating between woe is me / defending your abuse of your wife / repeatedly asking if we think she's lying.

You're talking 'at' us at best.

Your poor wife and kids having to deal with this in person.

You must have absolutely broken the woman for her to be staying with you to be accused and abused like this for so long.

If you're real, it's heartbreaking.

Give it a fucking rest, dude.

Defending my abuse?? Do'n you think I'm suffering too????
My pain is real and I don't want to cause any pain to the love of my life.
You know what? you don't help me! you are aggressive towards me because I been honest about my situation

After 23 years, I'd lie and tell you I did it just to secure a divorce.

The relentlessness is a punishment that noone should have to accept. She clearly loves you or she would've have accepted the mental torture of the constant questioning.

If you're not willing to put it to the back of your mind now, you never will be. I'd get the divorce and both move on. You'll both be 100 times better off. Heads up, your next partner probably won't be a virgin.