Online dating - absolutely fucking grim!

[SwissRole123]

It's vile isn't it? I've quit it now as it's not suitable to my personality but fuck me...

1. 90% of them are absolute rotters who send messages starting with "hey sexy..."

1. The vast majority are instagram slaves who's profile pictures are hanging off a cliff in South East Asia, jumping out of some random plane or posing with a tiger. Personally I'm happy with a bowl of pasta down the local, a few beers and a game of darts.

1. The ones who are apparently looking for a relationship but don't bother messaging you or will fizzle out after a "hello how are you"

1. Quite a few are "regulars" I've seen before with a different name to the one I've seen on a different app... 💍? These are usually the ones who say they're about to delete their profile for technical reasons. Poor cow whoever she is

1. Then there's the "rule" that even on the slight off chance you click with someone you'll have to pretty much accept they're still dating other women until they decide who they want the most. It's all a bit Pick Me 🚫😳

1. The ones who are up to their eyes in kids with the old "my kids are my world and if you don't like it you can fuck off" okay mate but maybe DON'T actually post pictures of your children on a dating site and google safeguarding

1. The six pack selfies. Just stop ✋️

1. I never knew how many people were called Simon.

1. The sleazebags. One guy was literally posing with his coat pulled open with both hands wearing a t-shirt saying "show me your twat"... another declared all the women should pick him because his cock is the same length as two argos pens 🖊 🖊

10. The group photo... where he never turns out to be the fit one 🙈

I have to laugh. I actually know quite a few decent people who met online but they were all years ago so perhaps it's all changed since covid I'm not sure. But if any of you single MNers can add to the list, feel free! I'd love to hear more!

😵‍💫😵‍💫

How about this for my profile: "You can go through the door first, but I'll kick you up the arse as I follow you." Wonder how that would be received

@IrishladyNE

The problem is i have a friend that's still single and we both are average looking. We've gone out for a food or drink together and nobody is around or approaches. She goes to the gym and hasn't found anyone. I dont have anyone to go to gigs with at the moment. I almost feel I'm at an age that sucks. Most my friends are settled and don't want nights out.

I seem to be attracting (on Facebook lol) friend requests from local men. They are either those lads that have never had a girlfriend at all. They Don't have kids and without being awful they are just a little funny looking. Terrible hairline.look smelly. Probably short and got weird facial features. But they try compliment women out of their league and get nowhere lol. Or I get the bad boys.muscley and maybe an average looking face. Usually they have a car they are obsessed with. They smoke pot. Don't work. Have 3-5 children and only see one of them. The usual bad lad with a few exes. It's just awful. But like I said I think the nice 34 year old men are already spoken for and happily settled. It's depressing.

My last relationship ended in april. He was 15 years and 9 months older! He was the biggest idiot I've ever gone outwith. He actually did break my heart and he messed my head up. He has taught me alot about what I dont want. Its strange though because I actually loved him more than anyone before. But he was one of those men who always wanted more than he can have. He was obsessed with women and online attention. Not over his ex. Another big issue these days is meeting a guy with a clear head. They are always stuck on the past. Missing an ex and depressed.

I am starting to think that perhaps I need to accept things have changed and there's a high chance I won't meet anyone for years or perhaps again lol

I do wonder where people meet each other. Yeah, as you get older your friends all settle so it is harder to go out I agree. I do sometimes get people chat me up but either way too young, it would be hideous or look like they just don’t take care of themselves. Try to rope a friend into doing something once a month. That’s what I do xx

I last tried in 2020 before Guardian soulmates went bust. It was a pretty good site, expensive and self selecting. Is there anything else like that out there?

but all the blokes my age wanted younger woman by at least a decade and all said it was because they were 'young at heart'. The sheer entitled arrogance of it put me off.
I was blanked when I wrote and it felt so rude, I wouldn't blank people in real life! It is utterly disheartening to discover your worth is so low on the open market

I ended up writing to a guy and meeting once and I basically unwittingly became being his emotional crutch through lockdown. He didn't bother to tell me he didn't actually fancy me until we met up after lock down. He was a nice man but very fucked up. Also, like so many of the men over 50, he mainly talked about himself

By contrast lesbians seem to have amazing luck. Normal women their own age wanting relationships.

What I find very disheartening is I know many really wonderful interesting solvent funny single women in their fifties, and yet all are invisible, none are dating. The single men our age don't give us a glance as they're off hunting in the under 40 pool (and even 40 is pushing it) as they feel entitled to youth.

We're not hunting, the app means they approach us.
So there is entitlement really, it's just how it is.

I think there are two main approaches among my friends. Some are putting a lot of time and effort in to systematically working through all the likely contenders on the dating apps, and some are joining women's meet up groups, volunteering, making friends, and doing things that are more fun in a group, and not really dating at all, or sporadically.

He didn't bother to tell me he didn't actually fancy me until we met up after lock down. He was a nice man but very fucked up. Also, like so many of the men over 50, he mainly talked about himself

omg this, with latest person I met (once) ffs.

Same mate. I'm officially "retired" and if I could sign a contract to make it iron clad I would. They can all fuck off. I'm so annoyed because I used a paid site that I thought would be a bit less grim. It isn't and now I'm stuck paying £20 per month on the fucker until January so I've changed my view on it - it cost me £100 to learn that online dating is absolutely not for me and with the dregs I've been shown it's actually made me stop wondering if "he's out there" (he isn't) and made me feel more content being on my own. Mumsnet and it's hundreds upon hundreds of posters about shit partners, freeloaders, abusers, liars and all round scumbags has made me feel it too. Could be worse lessons to learn.

I proper kicked off at e-harmony (god the quality was awful) and got a full refund! 🤣
My refund was based on the fact that I had specified matches one hour away and I kept getting matches the other side of London. (2.5 hours on a good day, maybe 1 hour by car at 2am...)
They tried to tell me abou5 how wonderful the algorithm was and that these were great matches based on my answers.
"Doesn't stop them being munters I don't fancy though does it?"

There are 7.5 billion people on earth and you've chosen an app with a small user base. On the app, you've also restricted your parameters to within a quarter of an inch of where you live.
Then you wonder why you cannot meet anyone.😂
Apps are most definitely not to be used by people who do not understand how to get the best out of them.

E harmony drip feed you matches.
I assure you it's not because I don't understand. (How patronising)
I met wonderful guys on other apps that were a lot less flowery, had a relationship with one, then happened to get together with someone absolutely perfect!
Remember they are businesses designed to extract money from the hopeful.

Great post. Agree 100%. I’m 55 & done with men.

Sorry - that was to @OrangeFlowersAreLovely

If you've had children, are in the menopause or past it, what is the point of a romantic relationship at this point?

@zonky
gold dust 😊

@OrangeFlowersAreLovelyunless you have paid upfront cancel the DD and ignore them

I'd agree its grim. I just don't think it's gender specific.

With you on this no more for me except my fantasies.

Considering such a huge percentage of them are complete sleezebags this makes sense
seems they vast majority either have porn addictions use, use workers or stare at 16 yr old girls . It’s quite disgusting
even the ones who swear they are different usually turn out being the same

It's not!

Lesbian dating sites are full of dodgy men too, pretending to be gay women. 🤮

Considering porn addiction. Spousal abuse. Use of prostitutes and other sexual deviancies are very much skewed towards men being the perpetrators the MAJORITY of the time , I think these issues definately filter down to dating apps with mens attitudes … so yeah it is to a large extend gender soevifuc in that there are serious and sometimes health and or life threatening issues facing women when choosing men from these apps

I can only speak from my experience and I'm not aiming to invalidate anyone elses. I realise women have to deal with crap on the dating apps men don't.

Went on a date last night. Messaging seemed really positive and I thought we'd get on well.

Within 5 minutes knew it would be a damp squid. So dour / negative. I think she'd been through a tough time but surely on a first date you try and be positive. Some of the usual common themes such as talking about people by name but not providing context like I'm supposed to know who they are. How terrible it's been for her family the last year or two. I do empathise but on a first date with someone you're trying to presumably impress....

Those that don't seem to know how to interact with the other sex. Think nothing of being very negative about the ex but clam up if you say you've had a tough time with yours (I love that double standard where its OK for a woman to criticise an ex but a man does it and it's a red flag).

The ones that are worth dating seem to have some deeply toxic traits when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex which must have been learnt in their teens/20s. But when you're in your 40s and still doing you need to realise its not attractive and people will walk away from you for it.

I've met some lovely women and have remained friends in some cases. But with the exception of one, that really was a shame as there just wasn't the spark, there have been some underlying issues in play.

It's not just men with these traits.