Online dating - absolutely fucking grim!

[SwissRole123]

It's vile isn't it? I've quit it now as it's not suitable to my personality but fuck me...

1. 90% of them are absolute rotters who send messages starting with "hey sexy..."

1. The vast majority are instagram slaves who's profile pictures are hanging off a cliff in South East Asia, jumping out of some random plane or posing with a tiger. Personally I'm happy with a bowl of pasta down the local, a few beers and a game of darts.

1. The ones who are apparently looking for a relationship but don't bother messaging you or will fizzle out after a "hello how are you"

1. Quite a few are "regulars" I've seen before with a different name to the one I've seen on a different app... 💍? These are usually the ones who say they're about to delete their profile for technical reasons. Poor cow whoever she is

1. Then there's the "rule" that even on the slight off chance you click with someone you'll have to pretty much accept they're still dating other women until they decide who they want the most. It's all a bit Pick Me 🚫😳

1. The ones who are up to their eyes in kids with the old "my kids are my world and if you don't like it you can fuck off" okay mate but maybe DON'T actually post pictures of your children on a dating site and google safeguarding

1. The six pack selfies. Just stop ✋️

1. I never knew how many people were called Simon.

1. The sleazebags. One guy was literally posing with his coat pulled open with both hands wearing a t-shirt saying "show me your twat"... another declared all the women should pick him because his cock is the same length as two argos pens 🖊 🖊

10. The group photo... where he never turns out to be the fit one 🙈

I have to laugh. I actually know quite a few decent people who met online but they were all years ago so perhaps it's all changed since covid I'm not sure. But if any of you single MNers can add to the list, feel free! I'd love to hear more!

@heatissweet Is that Hinge?

A barrage of dick-pics too. I used to message back a picture of a naked mole rat and say ‘snap’ or ‘separated at birth’, then blocked.
@Chicheguevara hahaha that is absolutely brilliant, naked mole rat - separated at birth 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Lebano

Interesting point.
When I was doing OLD about 3/4 years ago, I was looking for someone to settle down with and have a family. Of course that didn't work out, despite having two brief but nice relationships. I don't think I quite realised at the time how I had no chance but genuinely couldn't see it at the time.

Fast forward 3 years and after much deliberation I'd decided to go solo and had my child using a sperm donor. I signed up to OLD again just to see who's about. Uninspiring profiles in general and I swipe left 99 % of the time too. I do thank my lucky stars every day that I no longer "need" anything from a man/relationship. It is exhausting if you're actually wanting something substantial from these superficial interactions. I'm trying to have a bit if fun this time round, but it makes me think how I easily could have missed out on motherhood had I continued to do OLD (or any dating in my late 30s).

Im hardly a lad, it’s the kind of thing I see on my 18 yr old nieces SM pictures all the time, but on 45 yr old women?, it v odd.

the other thing I really noticed it that quite a few women use pictures of themselves that are quite a few years old, one profile had a picture from an event that I went to, so I knew it was taken at least 5 years ago

Where is the quote from please?

What do you think about facetimng first? I think this would save a lot of agg, but not everyone's keen on doing it... thoughts?

It's a line from a song 'Escape (the Pina Colada Song)'by Rupert Holmes.

Given that the song is about a married man who agrees to meet another woman after placing an advert in the personal columns, only (spoiler alert) to find that she is his own wife, it isn't a line I'd be quoting on OLD.

'If you like Pina Colada and getting caught in the rain' is the romantic line he places in his advert.

The Pina Colada Song

I think she put the original advert, and he responded to it?

Yes, you're right, sorry!

Either way I'd think it an ill-starred line to use in an OLD profile 😁

The latest for me is "No Brexiteers or Tories".

Now, MN may think that that's a reasonable request. But .....I may, or may not, be a Brexiteer and/or a Tory, but I'm absolutely not going to be held to account on either by a man that I've never even spoken to.

If someone put that pina colada line in their OLD ad I would assume a) they're older than they say they are, and b) that it's code that they're married.

I'm a bit confused by a lot of profiles tbh bith male and female. It's should be simple :Say something about yoriself and be friendly and post photos of you.
My dating profile consisted of a nice face pic.. It was nice tbf. Then a hideous all body shot in a playsuit I borrowed of a mate for a laugh. Me with a handover drinking cofee and then me doing something else. All less than a month old.
No one was going to be suprised that I was a) a bit fat and b) 6ft tall!
That's being said I still had men asking if I was short... Wierd

It was ever thus. Two stories from decades ago, pre-internet:

Friend #1 tried a dating agency & got a letter (!) from a wonderful-sounding bloke. He was young, fit, handsome, nice job, interesting hobby, just out of a long term relationship with a girlfriend, wrote a decent letter which she showed us. We encouraged her to go for it, especially as he was the only normal/ attractive bloke she'd had details of from the agency. By return of post he told her he was very sorry but he'd got back together with the love of his life. Aaargh!

Friend #2 (a bit posh) went on a first date somewhere upmarket. She said it was horrible as he was full of himself & swore a lot. I recognised the type & jokingly asked her, "Is he a company director with his own business, drives a Jaguar & is really short?". She stared at me & said, "You KNOW HIM?". LOL, no, there were a lot of them about.

What is a foot job? 🧐

Similar to a hand job but with, well you get the idea…

I thought the standard unit of measurement was a sky remote or red bull can?

I almost think the idea here is sound. It would be wasting everyone's time if someone with incredibly different political views matched with me. However, I would prefer to do the reverse and mention my own left-leaning and feminism, so if they are ideologically opposed to either, they can scroll on by. No need to be negative about other people's views.

I used to see no tories quite a lot on women’s profiles, I don’t think that’s a gender thing at all TBH.

<shudders
shudders
shudders

adds to list of things to think about when resisting sugary snacks

shudders>

?????

Didn't read the full thread. Now I understand thanks!

Dated a Simon too from OLD

Many guys are on there constantly for years - is that a red flag? I am on there too but with decent breaks and when I rejoin I pay for 'incognito'

Just this morning I was speaking to a prince amongst men in Hinge who informed me that with us living so close together it would 'be handy for a quickie'.

In the past year being on and off OLD

1. guy who already had a girlfriend - he went 50/50 on first date. He told me he had a job, he didnt. He told me he was starting a new job, he wasnt. He was one of these self employed consultants. Diagnosis self ADHD
2. drug user and photographer - ghosted me after I didnt have sex
3. was married
4. drove a car with a number plate that made out a rude word - narcissist and paid for a specialist phone number. Ghosted me
5. doctor. Was married 'back home'. Was messaging him three months. Ghosted me after I didnt have sex again
6. photographer - 6/7 dates decides after the 7th date he doesnt feel a connection and offer me coffee to talk about it. Declined
7. went on 4/5 dates had a sleep over with no sex; had arranged a 6th date and seen him walking hand in and hand with his girlfriend (i presume) he then blocked me on everything the next day
8. had erectile problems and told me I would be paying for everything should I be lucky enough to enter into a relationship with him as I am a high earner
9. dated someone one month and he ghosted me on me 35th birthday - never heard from him Again

Took a break and rejoined last wednesday
I was meant to have a date last night but he fell asleep after a stag doo
I have reported two due to vile
Language
Its not looking great is it?

The only consolation is we are all living the same life and people do meet their partner on it
i also do see genuine guys on there I know socially
I also sadly have seen a fair few married, partners friends though

Its just luck
Stay safe ladies

That's really dreadful Op, I'm sorry.

I'm a solo mum by choice and had my son using a sperm donor as reached the point of being too emotionally bankrupt to go through any more dating in my late 30s, and was fearing more of the same and time was running out. I also found very few people genuinely interesting, attractive and worth investment. Not that I am anything special, but I just wanted someone of similar goals, values and for there to be mutual attraction and interest. So many men were jaded, broken, disillusioned. It was exhausting. It was the most soul destroying time of my life. I am lucky in that it worked out for me, and I have my family now, I can't believe I put myself through the mill of it when I think back to that time. I have recently set up a profile on one of the apps and while I'm not looking for a full on relationship, I'm more curious whether the quality of the men has changed at all, so far it's been the same as last time I was on it.

I do have one failed relationship from my OLD sagas, who has turned in to a very close friend but I think that's a rare story/outcome.

@anthurium it would have been more of the same
You did the right thing

@Datingadviceplease I have had very similar expierences and my friends in their late twenties and 30s

I think what I really find the most frustrating about OLD is how silenced you feel during the process

If you say anything to them you are met with gaslighting critisism and manipulation so why bother?
The woman in my life I have found no better in all honesty and completely lacking in support - the usual pearl clutching and nonsense - particularly the ones who met their husband at school or uni - they have no idea what we are up against; its made me see many people I thought of as friends in a new light. 'You should write a book tee hee' - should I? Is it funny? I do not find it funny in the slightest. The other assumption is that you are having lots of sex - I find the majority of my friends who have met someone online and had sex have been cohersed or manipulated into it (led to believe there is going to be a relationship) and conviently that not happening when they have had sex. Its like being back at fucking Uni honestly

We can laugh about the state of it in threads like this but I think the majority of men are laughing that they have gotten away with how they treat woman on online dating apps for so long