Husband wants me to not talk about our daughter

[Ilov]

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

Not left for a day and he’s already threatening you.

so it’s ok for Nancy to have your baby girl but not you and your daughter unhinged or what and bloody dangerous.

don’t block him but don’t answer him either. Grey rock all the way and keep it factual at all times

It's disgusting behaviour, by them all really, but DH should absolutely be in your corner. He should care more about his daughters mental health then an adult who thinks the answer to her mental health issues is to bully everyone into trying to pretend, their daughter/niece/grandaughter doesn't exist. When she's old enough to notice, which will be sooner then you think, this will mess with her self confidence, her self esteem. Anyone who wants to pretend my DC doesn't exist would not get to be in my life.

As for all this being your fault for having a girl maybe your H should brush up on basic biology. The babies sex is HIS fault, obviously it's not anyone's fault, but if he wants to blame someone, it's his fault.

If DH wants to compare it to meals then the correct comparison is Nancy has a feast in front of her, 5 different dishes and she's having a tantrum because her SIL has one meal in front of her and SILs decided that one should be her's. They're all nuts.

As per a later post OP it is possible, I'd say likely based on his behaviour that your not so D H has a codependent relationship with Nancy, whether it's an inappropriate type of love or not, it's codependent and unless he chooses himself to get therapy to fix that it's always going to be like this. He's not going to change.

Keep everything, screenshot this text, weird as fuck and so so creepy. Id get on social media and take a photo of anything weird either have put on social media about you or your DD. You might need it one day.

@Ilov, kudos for getting away from these monsters and protecting your child.

H’s discriminating against and shaming his own little daughter to deepen his twisted bond with Sister Nancy is truly beyond the pale. They do sound emotionally incestuous. Her reaction has been so intense, it sounds like she is distraught that she didn’t get to have his baby girl.

I ditto the advice to start informing and documenting everything with the appropriate agencies. And I agree that MIL should come to you for visits. Otherwise, it would be too easy for H and Nancy to swoop in with their poison.

Best wishes to you and your precious girl.

Don't worry your daughter won't get raised by Nancy. He lost the plot he not thinking straight at all. I just think she really manipulated him so he feels sorry for her and convinced him all sorts. Once he realizes she ill it be too late.

I don't know if you need a residency order. I can't remember but be careful how he goes about this as he sadly is a victim of some manipulation. She twisted everything but be one step ahead. Yes he might make out your insane or something to take your baby off you. Go to women's aid and explain everything.
It's abuse of a child what he wanted you to do.
Stay strong for you baby girl.

This story is sounding a bit unbelievable now however is you husband really saying that if you divorce him having a daughter will know longer be an issue, she will be allowed come to all the family stuff again and they will pretend Nancy is her mother? That's pretty messed up.............if this is all true 👀

Your husband is disgusting. Originally I thought his sister was

I thought his sister was just a nasty piece of work and I still think that. However he is much worse than she is. He has a very weird relationship with his sister. WTF does he mean Nancy will raise your DD?
Sounds like he's got some massive issues.
By all means let MIL see her at your house but I'd be really careful about letting your husband see her.
I'm not sure if you can stop him but don't leave him alone with her.

This is your sister in law issue that she has to deal with. Nothing to do with you. Your husband is being an arse. He should be shouting from the roof top not trying to hide the fact she's his daughter . What is he planning to do bring her up as a boy to suit his sister.

So I want to give you some update, because you guys/girls have been so supportive.

I left him and went to my family. Now though, he is being all nice and telling me he will cut off Nancy of his life.

My mum thinks I should not go back, I showed her all the texts and she was shocked.

He keeps sending me love messages, and saying "Do you want Nancy to win this and separate us"

Any advice??

My advice is to stay separated and do everything you can to keep him away from your child!

It won't be Nancy separating you it will be him with his despicable behaviour and messages such as "Ok you can leave me if you want but believe me your daughter will be raised by Nancy. If you leave me, you can say goodbye to (Daughter's name)"

He's disgusting!

Listen to your Mum!

This is what you wrote about him "I don't even hate him, I wonder how did I managed to live or have sex with him? Eww he's gross"

Don not trust this freak of a man.

Stay separated and divorce him.

Him and Nancy are freaks and the only text you need to believe is the one that said he and Nancy would be raising your child.

I would be doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep him as far away from your child as possible.

Do not pay any heed to your mother, however well meaning.

You really did the right thing packing your bags.

Your daughter needs you to be strong.

I would be doing EVERYTHING in my power to keep him as far away from your child as possible.

Yup-he has threatened to take her away & raise her with his sister.

Creepy fucker shouldn't get access!

Do not pay any heed to your mother, however well meaning.

Her mum thinks that she shouldn't go back.

My apologies OP, scratch that! I misread.

Listen to your mother, do not go back to that creepy freak.

Steer clear. You’re both well out of that family, it sounds toxic and unhealthy. Don’t expose your child,
a lovely GIRL, Nancy🖕🏻 to them.

He seen him only twice since I left, at my parents' place. But the entire time was him convincing me to come back. Nancy Nancy Nancy.

But it is my mum who made me notice, when she said " (My name) he has not spent more than 2 mins with his daughter.

He's not even interested in her. He texts me at least 20 times a day, and it's all about our marriage and Nancy. He sents me link of articles of fatherless girls/woman and the impact it had on them. "Do you want her to go through all this?"

Seen her*

I’d ask for the thread to be deleted. His wee spy will probably be reading every word.

Ilov/Siilka, you’ve had a name change.

Please don’t believe the poisonous words of this snake. His heart and loyalty lie with Nancy, not you and DD.

How dare he speak as an authority on ‘fatherless girls’ when he was making DD a nonentity when she lived under his roof. And it sounds like he is neglecting/blanking her even now. A life of being stripped of her identity to please unhinged Nancy would damage DD in untold ways.

She is blessed to have you to protect her.

I wonder if he has been reading this thread and is trying to create his own paper trail for future reference !!!
How unreasonable OP is being after he has agreed no contact with Nancy etc

Where is Nancy’s husband in all of this?
How do her poor youngest son feel knowing his mother is disappointed he’s not a girl? In fact how do all of her sons feel? She’s is mentally unhinged.
Keep,all of those texts and any other communications from them especially that latest one threatening to take your daughter from you to be given to Nancy.
No court is going to allow this to happen.

Updates OP?