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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband wants me to not talk about our daughter

182 replies

Ilov · 03/09/2022 19:13

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

OP posts:
ElvisLeftTheBuilding · 03/09/2022 19:33

His sister needs to get over herself and the rest of you need to stop pandering to her ridiculousness. How many years is your husband suggesting you not talk about your daughter for? Are you going to have her 18th birthday in secret?

notawittyname1954 · 03/09/2022 19:34

Sorry this is utterly ridiculous. Why is everyone pandering to this woman. Celebrate your daughter.

Scorpio8 · 03/09/2022 19:36

@Ilov

She should be happy her boys not many people get to have a child at all.
I wouldn't be hiding nothing from her sorry she is so stupid.
Tell you DH your not hiding your baby girl because of her. Her jealousy is very bad she needs help.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/09/2022 19:39

How pathetic is she?! I'd be telling her to fuck off and your DH. I'd be messaging the family as well to ask if they want to see your daughter. Her issues are her problem to deal with.

Irridescantshimmmer · 03/09/2022 19:42

She's as jelous as sin to a point where no one dares' celebrate the arrival of your baby girl........this seems like everyone is stepping on egg shells and she needs to sort her head out because its not right.

HOTHotPeppers · 03/09/2022 19:45

That is her niece. She sounds vile. Her poor unwanted boys. I'd tell her she's vile and ridiculous. If your husband continues I'd get divorced.

Original poster
Ilov · 03/09/2022 19:45

My husband thinks we should "careful". So if Nancy is there, he goes alone to his family. He refuses to put any pic on his social media because it would upset her. I am tired of being careful. Even his own parents have to not be happy my baby is here. It is draining.

OP posts:
ThePumpkinPatch · 03/09/2022 19:46

Ilov · 03/09/2022 19:45

My husband thinks we should "careful". So if Nancy is there, he goes alone to his family. He refuses to put any pic on his social media because it would upset her. I am tired of being careful. Even his own parents have to not be happy my baby is here. It is draining.

Why are enough with him? Sounds like he has zero respect for you at all :(

Bishbashboss · 03/09/2022 19:48

I would be absolutely fuming at my husband. He sounds like a total pathetic wet lettuce. And his sister sounds absolutely vile and in an ideal world shouldn’t have been allowed to ANY have children!!! She needs psychological help!

Thinkingblonde · 03/09/2022 19:49

Don’t hide your baby, your husband is being utterly ridiculous, as for his sister words fail me. She’s so lucky to have five children of any gender, God knows what effect her ridiculous behaviour is having on those boys of hers.
Stand up to them both, be proud of your little girl don’t let her be a dirty secret, take her to family events, parties, grandparents, if bonkers sis in law causes any kind of I’ll feeling towards you tell her to grow up and be thankful she has children at at all. It’s a blessing denied to many women, any one of whom would be grateful for one child, boy or girl.

feellikeanalien · 03/09/2022 19:51

It would have been your husband's sperm which determined the baby's sex so surely they should be blaming him not you.

Seriously, if this is real, then your SIL is bonkers.

LittleOwl153 · 03/09/2022 19:54

Ask you husband how long he is going to deny his daughters existence- and what impact he thinks that's going to have on his daughters self esteem confidence etc. As if girls don't already have a hard enough time. How does he see this ending?

Take your daughter to family events - no way should he be allowed to go alone - doing so is utterly betraying her. It sounds as though it is only 1 sister who has a problem why should she benefit from family over your daughter. If she doesn't want to acknowledge your daughter then she needn't go - she can be the one isolated!

Oh and full your social media with girly stuff and make sure you tag him in everytime - pathetic man.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2022 19:58

abovedecknotbelow · 03/09/2022 19:14

Tell them all to fuck off. How ridiculous.

This. She should be thankful for her 5 healthy boys. So you had a girl -it's 50/50 chance. You didn't do it deliberately to annoy her.

finished31 · 03/09/2022 20:00

abovedecknotbelow · 03/09/2022 19:14

Tell them all to fuck off. How ridiculous.

100% this

BigCheeseSandwich · 03/09/2022 20:00

You husband is being absolutely pathetic, enabling this situation and not being there for his new child.

deedledeedledum · 03/09/2022 20:05

Exactly how long is your DH proposing to carry on this ridiculous charade? Genuinely. Ask him. How is this going to pan out exactly? No social media posts EVER? NEVER taking your DD to any family events? What is he actually suggesting king term. He's as much of a twat as his sister is

Basilthymerosemary · 03/09/2022 20:07

Tell your husband to go find his balls and stand up for his daughter.

I'm sorry OP. I'd have told the sister where to go already and if necessary tell my husband your either with your family (daughter and you and all happy siblings) or you're with your batshit crazy sister; if the latter is point him to the door.
Do not allow him to do this. It's not fair in your daughter.

My sympathies. Genuinely. X

viques · 03/09/2022 20:09

Tell your husband that it is his sperm that has made your child a girl, he needs to own it , be proud of his daughter and tell his sister to go and count her blessings.

LimpBiskit · 03/09/2022 20:12

If this post is real, run away from the entire family, including your pathetic husband.

saraclara · 03/09/2022 20:13

So your child is not to be part of the family? She has to be hidden away and not spoken of?

This is positively mediaeval. He's her father and he should act like one. For the rest of their lives, he is supposed to be his daughters champion. Not hiding her away as if he's ashamed. This is appalling.

limitededitionbarbie · 03/09/2022 20:13

She is fucking unhinged. Do what you like fuck her.

Your DH is as bad.

This is not your problem. Do whatever you like. Five healthy kids and she's moaning. Wonders will never cease.

Conchersbonkers · 03/09/2022 20:15

Is this real? Sounds crazy...

saraclara · 03/09/2022 20:16

Whenever I've seen an OP post that they're going to show the other party their thread on here, I've yelled no. It's an awful thing to do. But in this case I'll make an exception. He really needs to read how appalling this suggesting is.

He's a father, acting as though he's ashamed of his daughter. It's okay that he feels for his sister, but this REALLY isn't the answer. He's become a dad. His baby daughter should be his priority.

girlmom21 · 03/09/2022 20:18

She needs some serious therapy.

stillvicarinatutu · 03/09/2022 20:18

If this is true .....

I would be telling my husband that if his sisters feelings and brattish paddying is more important than his own wife and daughter then he can fuck off as well
As them .

I would t stand for this . She's going to be made to feel like an unwanted second class citizen because she is a girl ? No way . Id be saying off you all fuck !

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