Husband wants me to not talk about our daughter

[Ilov]

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

I really agree.

To have carried a baby for 9 months, to have gone through birth, to have the joy of a healthy baby girl stomped on by your arsehole of a husband wanting to dress her in blue, deny her existence, not speak of her, all because of his nasty batshit sister.

Utterly shameful.
Poor child being inflicted with such a snivelling weak waster.

How any woman or new mother who loved her baby would tolerate this, and continue married to such a man, I really don't know.

I would neither forgive nor forget this.

I certainly wouldn't ever look at such an excuse for am man the same again.

Thank you everyone. I showed him all the responses and he used some disgusting analogy " If someone was starving, would they (MN users) eat a feast front of that person".

I got angry , and he got angry too. I told him he has to stop listening to his sister, that she can have a lovely relationship with her niece, a girl in HER family. That I wouldn't mind if she wanted some aunty/niece time. The only answer he had to that is "Why didn't you give birth to a boy, now everything is complicated". I told him either he posts a picture of his daughter or I am going to my mum's. He did.

Oh lord , then Nancy sent at least 10 texts, left voicemail. So he deleted the picture.

What can I do ? If he won't listen?

You are right. Absolutely right. I can't get over it , and will not.

Pack your bags and move to your mothers.

He is a waster.

Accept it.

Protect your child from him.

Tell EVERYONE why you have left.

Don't try and change him, arseholes like him cannot be changed.

He regrets a healthy baby girl because of his sister.

Completely unforgivable.

@Ilov

I wonder why he so scared of her tbh. I get he wrong and totally with everyone but calling him all sorts not going to help the situation. He still the OP partner.

So I will say to him.

How do you think it's making her feel she just had your baby girl? How do you think that baby girl would feel growing up she had to be hidden?

If it was anyone else what would he say?

You get that his sister but you are the mother of his baby and her niece.

Tell him finally you can't think about us first then you will leave. Let him sit on that as you already said.

I'm honestly shocked by what I'm reading. Nancy isn't fucking starving, she has FIVE children that she absolutely does not deserve. She is so fucking lucky. I would leave now. Keep proof of everything your husband and his family says about your daughter. What if your mum only had girls and was jealous your husband was male. Would he start wearing dresses and cut his dick off to appease her?

Sorry but I would leave him too. He’s proven his demented sister is more important than you and your daughter.

That your daughter should never have been born.

The sad part is that my mother-in-law is over the moon. Always call or videochat to see my daughter.

From what I know ( She is much older than me so don't really talk to her) Nancy had a bad time with her last baby and always wanted a girl. So she avoids any baby girls to help her cope with her gender disappointment. I really can empathise with her, but not at expense.

It is not all bad, my family is very supportive and my siblings/mum are showing the love to my baby

@Ilov

Can't she speak to Nancy? I mean she needs counselling badly.
Making people feel guilty they got girls is not on.

I think you need a word with her.

Has your husband put any thought into his thick head about how this going to affect your daughter?

Or at all in the future?

”We are having a big BBQ next week. Everyone is invited. Except for Anna of course cos of Nancy you know…”

”Family holiday! Everyone invited! Except for Anna”

”It’s Bob’s birthday. We are all meeting in a restaurant to celebrate. You’re welcome to come but you’ll need to find alternative care for Anna”

Shes going to have serious self esteem issues

She should be ashamed of herself, for lots of reasons, firstly her poor sons! secondly your daughter is her niece and she's treating her horribly. And lastly she's behaving like a spoiled brat having a tantrum, she needs to cop herself on and grow the fuck up. Your husband should also be ashamed of himself for suggesting you hid your daughter away from her own family

First of all you have a husband problem. He is pathetic.
Secondly, that woman will never change. A friend of mine had a sister in law like this. Married to her husband´s brother. This woman absolutely HATES my friend´s daughter and also my friend, but the little girl especially. She is seething with jealousy. Be very wary of this woman and if your husband won´t protect his own daughter and grow a pair, I am afraid you will have to.

If he won’t listen and this will cause resentment you have to leave him even if the relationship is good in your eyes because seriously it isn’t.

You take your beautiful baby girl and you walk away from him. Go and stay with your family for a while if you can so you can gather your thoughts and see if this is the end of your marriage. It certainly would be for me!

He is a poor husband and an extremely poor father if he thinks his daughter should be swept under the carpet so his selfish, entitled bat shit crazy sister doesn't kick off.

You say that your mother in law is thrilled with your daughter and being very involved. Does she know what he's saying to you and that he wants to hide her granddaughter away and pretend she's a boy by dressing her in blue?

I would work on your relationship with her, especially if you do leave and go to your mothers. Your MIL is in an awful position I'm sure. Your SIL clearly has a mental health issue at this point and your DH is also behaving irrationally and cruelly. But MIL loves the baby. She can't fix this situation easily or immediately, but it sounds as though she would want to support and love her DGC and you. If you want to resolve this, hopefully she will be your ally.

If someone was starving, would they (MN users) eat a feast front of that person".

So he expects people to never eat again if someone else is starving? Never share what they have? An auntie/niece relationship could be a joy of this woman got a grip.

It did make me laugh at this excuse.

If I genuinely had a feast, and someone was starving in front of me, I would invite them to join my feast!!

You can’t exactly share a baby.

It’s a stupid analogy though. I hope he doesn’t have an expensive car. Or phone. Or clothes. Cos you know poor people don’t have them and it’s not fair

You can’t exactly share a baby.

Except people do. My DD absolutely encourages, fosters and nurtures my DGDs relationship with my other daughter. They have a lovely auntie/niece relationship.

So I have talked to my husband's mum. I told her everything her son told me. And God, it was a mistake. She was gentle with me, always has been. I like her very much. Told me to not care about Nancy, and that although she too was afraid to upset Nancy, this is going to far. She told me to bring my baby anywhere I want.

She phoned her son, told him to stop. And he called Nancy. I heard to whole convo " Oh she is snitching on me to mum, I am here to support you. (My name) will not get between us.

Honestly it sounded like he was talking to his lover. Disgusting. The tone. His facial expression. I wonder for a sec, is he in love with her?

I might sound absurd. But it absolutely sounded like that. I am going to my mum's and getting away from this entire family. I am so p*ssed off

There's something seriously wrong with your DH. The way he's treating you and most especially his own daughter is disgusting

It does sound a bit…incestourous there.

It would put me off big time.

Good grief. His daughter is better off without him at this point of he can't put her first. But how awful for you, OP. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.

It absolutely did. He never spoke to me with such a soft, reassuring voice. I knew it was her, because I could hear her voice. I am so disgusted.

I would never ever speak to a sibling like that. There is love and love. I can tell my sister" I will always there for you, I love you" that's different from " Baby, nobody is going to get between us. I will always support you." While using a sexy, flirtatious voice.

I doubt I would even be capable of sleeping with him again. I am so angry.

I agree. Given sperm decides the sex I'm surprised he hasn't offered to give her a daughter. Honestly you're better off without him and so is your daughter.