Husband wants me to not talk about our daughter

[Ilov]

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

I tried that. They told me a whole shit how it was the acidity of my vagina that "decided" my egg wanted an X blablabla.

I am waiting for my mum and Ciao, Sayonara, Au revoir, Adios awful family ( Apart from my mother-in-law).

Nancy and him can get married, maybe she'll get a girl

Tell him you only have X eggs. He’s the one with the y and x sperm.

But I’m glad you’re getting away.

Glad your getting away as this is now well already was bat shit

OP, this won't get better.

I was initially appalled at Nancy's behaviour and the tip toeing around her.

I am now more disturbed over your husband and his reaction and conduct to your obvious distress about the abject minimisation of your baby daughter.

I lived something similar to this. Years back, but a sister had so much control and investment in her brother that a marriage with a small child ended in divorce. The sil's dramas always took precedence. Her feelings needed to be protected to the point where a milestone occasion was missed because sister had 'serious problems'. Dad was called away for nothing more than a broken nail. But he went.

These insidious characters destroy young families. I often wonder if it's their intention.

OP, painful as it is, please start thinking about you and your precious girl as your unit - alongside your own family.

This bunch of fuck ups can't be helped.

That sounds like a deeply creepy, unnatural relationship between siblings.

You poor poor woman.

I can well imagine you never wanting to have sex with him again.

That really is creepy.

It is very creepy @billy1966

Some families are so enmeshed that anyone who enters does so at their own peril.

Poor OP had no idea. But I would divorce this man and celebrate every inch of my daughter from this moment on.

'Dress her in blue' What an absolute loser and let down of a husband and father.

His sister manipulation to you DP is bad. I think he fallen for it and they seem rather close.
I don't know if she older but he obviously looks up to her a lot.
I think have some time apart he will miss you.
And regret what he done.

She is 15 years older than him and 25 years older than me. He's the youngest.

I am at mum's now. My mum thinks I should get a divorce. I told her about everything. I kept keeping it a secret , but she feels I should not back and I agree. I can never kiss or have sex with a man who speaks to his sister like it's his mistress. Honestly, I wish everyone here could have heard them speak. It was disgusting. Sounded like two teens in love talking about running away from home to be together.

My stupid husband texted me how he sent Nancy the thread, so you'd really know what I feel and how people here are toxic or as he wrote "She can give her own view of the situation". Like b*tch. This isn't a competition. I have a girl, I am sorry you don't.

I told my mother-in-law I left. She wasn't even surprised, she just asked me " Will you let me see X ?". Absolutely yes.

If you hear Nancy post. Good luck guys. Thanks everyone.

Thank you so much. I indeed had no idea. When we found baby was a girly. I thought they will all be happy after 18 boys. My (ex hopefully) husband was sooo happy to announce the gender. It is my first baby, she is healthy, and We ( me and my family) love her.

If Nancy is more important than his child, never mind. My mum raised me and my sisters alone. I am glad she did, because my dad was a horrible man.

He's gone every weekends with his sister and I always stay alone with my baby "because it would upset her". As a lot of you said, my daughter will feel miserable, I do not want to go into therapy in teenager life or adulthood because I accepted to treat her badly.

Nancy. If you’re reading this. You’re a stupid fucking twat and you need to grow up

I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that. Yes if it was up to him, we'd call her Oliver and make her wear blue only around his family.

I just want to never ever have to have sex with this man again. He ruined it with his call today.

If he wants to see his daughter OK. But only if he acknowledges that she is a girl.

Him and his sister's attitude (and relationship) is so many kinds of weird I don't know where to start. You can't reason with that sort of idiocy.

You are so much better off away from them. You will have a lovely, happy life with your gorgeous daughter. Be proud of her. And protect her from her father and his sister as much as you can.

Is it actually possible that Nancy actually likes being the only girl in the family? (Apologies if she isn't and haven't read properly!) Is this why she gets a special status of power?

OP, is there a significant age gap between you and your daughter's father (refuse to call him any kind of dp) ?

Your plight and that of your tiny girl has upset me. I am wondering about the power imbalance here too. Do you work (maternity leave aside) ?

Honestly, I'd ask for this thread to be deleted, OP. And good luck.

Why?

I am delighted to read you are safe and supported at your mothers home.

His completely unnatural relationship with his sister would sour your daughter's childhood.

You need to tell your GP and HV that you have left your husband for your babys safety.

Dressing her and referring to her as a boy, denying her who she is, is emotional abuse.

Your husband is 10 years older than you and his thinking and his relationship with his sister is both really unnatural and disordered.

Be very open with people as to why you have had to leave the family home.

Your poor MIL, she must be so upset at all of this.

At least your baby daughter can have a loving relationship with her.

Your daughter is very lucky to have one normal parent.

She needs protecting from him.
Stay strong, you will get through this.

Now I am sure I want a divorce and I want to leave him. This is the sent he sent me :

" Ok you can leave me if you want but believe me your daughter will be raised by Nancy. If you leave me, you can say goodbye to (Daughter's name)"

Hahaha as if. Honestly. I don't even hate him, I wonder how did I managed to live or have sex with him? Eww he's gross

Christ. So he’s happy for you to leave him so he and his sister can raise a baby together.

That is creepy and fucked up.

Make sure you keep all this evidence and seek legal help as soon as possible

Thank you very much. I have hundreds of texts from him and Nancy complaining about how I should have had a boy.

I know I said it before, but that phone convo between them was so so bizarre for siblings. I seriously wonder if he is in love with her.

Now I realise I will miss his mum more than him.

Save proof of everything, block him, be prepared to involve the police and he can take you to court if he wants to be involved and explain his unhinged self to them. Do not let him have unsupervised contact the man is potentially a danger to your daughter.

I'm afraid I'd still be wary of MIL & wouldn't ever let her have your daughter alone.

Also depending on how things pan out, would be wary of letting her know where you live.

Even more important that you create a paper trail.

Tell your GP, ask for advice re SS.

Honestly his relationship sounds incestuous, that or he is completely unhinged.

You will need to be clever here OP.

Contact Women's aid, and I would be finding a solicitor.

You have left the family home to keep your daughter safe, you need good advice.

I am so sorry.
How awful.

Ewww they sound like something from a horror/psycho type film. Neither and sister knock off wife to raise daughter together. Don't let him see your dd unsupervised for a very long time

Is this thread for real?