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Original poster

Husband wants me to not talk about our daughter

182 replies

Ilov · 03/09/2022 19:13

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

OP posts:
PleaseGiveMeJustALittleMoreTime · 03/09/2022 20:21

This is suitably awkward. I have known several women who were desperate for a girl who got really really upset when a cousin or sister of theirs had a girl, to the point where the person with the girl/daughter couldn't even be in the same room with them. It's crazy. You can't help it that you had a girl and she never had one. (Congratulations by the way!) Flowers

Nancy sounds like a brick short of a load by the way. And so does anyone else supporting/enabling her wacky shit. Take your precious daughter wherever you want. What does 'Nancy' expect you to do, lock her in a tower with three fairies til she's 16 (like sleeping beauty,) lest her teary eyes see your daughter?

What will she do when other cousins and suchlike keep having girls???

BATSHIT.

Minimalme · 03/09/2022 20:21

I'm sure I remember you posting about this once you knew you were pregnant with a girl.

I don't think his sister's reaction is of consequence to you but your relationship with your husband is very dysfunctional indeed.

You and dh had a baby. Such drama!

limitededitionbarbie · 03/09/2022 20:21

Why can't she be happy for her brother? Is there something other than this going on?

I could understand it if she was struggling to conceive but she has five. So what if they are all boys.

Why can't she be happy she has a niece who she could really bond with? Sorry but what the fuck is wrong with her

rnsaslkih · 03/09/2022 20:23

How ridiculous these people sound. Just crack on and do whatever you want. Nancy sounds unhinged.

StrandedStarfish · 03/09/2022 20:25

The very origin of being discriminated against because you are a girl

Gitfeatures · 03/09/2022 20:26

Nancy is nuts, husband is a pillock.

Bellsbeachwaves · 03/09/2022 20:30

Nancy has stuff she needs to deal with

bloomety · 03/09/2022 20:32

I think Nancy needs counselling if it’s affecting her this badly. Has she mentioned this?

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 03/09/2022 20:34

Your SIL is obviously a dick head. Fair enough she’s experiencing gender disappointment but that is no excuse to treat people so appallingly.

your Husband on the other hand is another level of dickhead. Is he seriously isolating his own child from his family and asking you not to talk about her. Are you not fucking furious op. This would be a massive issue for me. I would not have my newborn child excluded from their family because of their sex.

MondayMoan · 03/09/2022 20:35

So are DH parents also following her wishes?

ProudThrilledHappy · 03/09/2022 20:35

Nancy sounds deranged. I usually hate immediate LTB replies but are you seriously happy to stay with a man who wants to deny the existence of his own child to pander to the bizarre behaviour of his adult sister? How long would you go along with not visiting his family if she will be around??

Lollipop25 · 03/09/2022 20:36

Firstly, tell your husband to f*ck off, swiftly followed by your SIL. Don’t you dare let them play down your beautiful daughters presence in this world. Your SIL needs a slap into reality, gender disappointment! Poor boys.

Suerossi · 03/09/2022 20:37

I ditto all the other comments. She isn’t your problem or your DH. You certainly have nothing to feel guilty about. Some people would give anything to have one child, if either gender. She’s a selfish and self absorbed premadonna and should be happy for you both. Maybe it’s her you should show this to.

LuckyLass22 · 03/09/2022 20:39

I really hope this is a fake post.....if not, DH really needs to put his daughter first....how will she feel if she finds out about her Dad denying her existence during her early years.
Only Nancy can control her reaction to your daughter. Your DH has full control over his response, which is appalling.
Btw, Congratulations!

Travis1 · 03/09/2022 20:39

Tell your husband he needs to get a fucking grip and decide where his priorities lie. Cannot stand men who pussyfoot around their families

onlythreenow · 03/09/2022 20:40

Nancy is unhinged - and doesn't sound mature enough to be a mother of five! What sort of message is she sending to her sons? I would be carrying on as usual - this is Nancy's problem, not yours, and if she can't cope then she can be the one to stay away. As for your DH - I have no words! I couldn't be with a man who prioritised his sibling over his wife and child.

dapsnotplimsolls · 03/09/2022 20:42

Nancy needs some therapy. Everyone else needs to stop pussy-footing around her. Her poor sons.

ImAvingOops · 03/09/2022 20:43

Honestly OP, you've brought this on yourself by pandering to it!

Evrn if you'd been completely in charge of what sex baby you had, and had done it on purpose, you would still be entirely reasonable. Your baby takes nothing from her - this sort of unhealthy jealousy shouldn't be indulged - why are her parents not telling her to get a fucking grip? Her poor sons!

MegaClutterSlut · 03/09/2022 20:46

All this pandering around her is just encouraging her twatty behaviour. Your husband is a moron too, what's his plan? To forever deny her existence around his family? that's not going to give her issues at all....your dh needs to come to his senses and stop pushy footing around her, its ridiculous

IggyAce · 03/09/2022 20:46

Your daughter is not some dirty little secret, I’d honestly consider splitting with dh and cutting his family off to save my child from the trauma this could cause.
Nancy needs some therapy and unfortunately so will her poor sons by the sound of it.

butterflied · 03/09/2022 20:47

MichelleScarn · 03/09/2022 19:19

I'd find it hard to look at him, never mind share a home with him. He's putting his twatty sister over his own daughter?!

This. You're husband is being a twat.

Bouledeneige · 03/09/2022 20:50

This its not okay and if I were you I'd be so upset and angry. All new babies are people in their own right and members of a family to be loved and cherished as their own person. Not counted as scores or genders. How despicable.

TEARELBO · 03/09/2022 20:50

Ilov · 03/09/2022 19:13

Hi everyone. My husband has 6 ( 3 girls 3 boys) siblings, who have 18 kids. And they're all boys! My sister in law has 3 boys, and really wanted a girl.

When we found out our baby was a girl. His parents were very happy, so were his brothers and 2 sisters. But one if his sister, let's call Nancy. Was p*ssed off. She has 5 boys and told everyone it was hurting her that I had a girl. So, I stopped going to any of his family reunion, because she would be annoyed or cried. She has gender disappointment and I really feel for her, I understand it must be hard.

But now baby is there. So my husband decided we will not take her to his family because Nancy will be upset. I said OK. But his parents still came, and now my husband is angry at me because his sister wrote a rant on fb, about how I feel special I had the first girl.

So my husband's solution is to not talk about our daughter and pretend she is no there.

What should I do

Divorce him, and cut them from your life, she's a nut job. I have 2 special needs kids, 1 who will need care his whole life, none of my siblings or sibling-in-laws have kids with needs, I don't cry and whinge about it, her children will be so hurt by her carry on.

diddl · 03/09/2022 20:51

LimpBiskit · 03/09/2022 20:12

If this post is real, run away from the entire family, including your pathetic husband.

Yup.

Hopefully they won't want to see your daughter & you can live in peace without them.

Soubriquet · 03/09/2022 20:51

Christ you shouldn’t have to hide away like some dirty little secret.

Nancy is being a twat. She has healthy children. It doesn’t matter if they are male or female.

She needs to grow up and accept she has a niece and that the family are going to want to see her.

Your dh needs to stop being so pathetic