Am in a very similar position. Estranged from parents and sibling in Scotland too.
About ten years ago, i estranged myself, i couldn’t get the double standards and lack of interest in me. Fam went to london for a long weekend and despite assuring me they would meet for a meal, i heard from them at the last minute on a sunday night, could i get to Bayswater from kent. They knew the distances and commute required. Their excuses were ‘have to get back for the dog’.
Followed 3 years of therapy, distancing and eventually uncut them off fully. A few years later mum died. I went to her death bed, standing over said death bed - dad blamed me for her cancer of everything (40 a day smoker.)
I went to her funeral. Haven’t had contact except with my sister once who got in touch - but i replied to say, wish you all the best but im not in a place to have you in my life. Strangest thing i’ve ever hung onto - after the funeral in the family home - there were dozens of pics of my sister and their dog and none of me.
I have no pics or any momentos of my mum. Nothing was offered…
Dad is actually step dad, Sis is half sister.
When he dies, i won’t go. I don’t want any of the estate which in Scotland i’m entitled to 50% of. Would rather it went to my two nieces, my sis kids.
I believe that because of the therapy, i was able to move on, it wasn’t easy (understatement of the year) but i won’t let them reset the clock so’s to speak, because i simply won’t and can’t go back to that place.
So, for you, don’t go unless absolutley feel it’s the right thing to do for you. Forget ‘face’ forget respnsibility, forget who will care or notice…. You have to bear the consequences of going which could be a lot worse than not going.
Wishing you all the best.