Bl0ody ghosted :-(

[Cherrycokefiend]

Can’t quite believe I’m writing this. But met a man (43) on OLD a month ago. Instant chemistry, lots of flirting, took me out for my birthday and said all the right things. He called throughout the week and was actively pursuing me and making arrangements.

Niggly feelings were telling me that he was rather bitter about a ‘witch’ of an ex wife amongst other things so I was cautiously optimistic and not getting too excited. He was highly attractive if not a little ‘wounded’. Ex forces if that’s relevant.

We spent the weekend together last week - him driving an hour to my place. He insisted I head to his in the evening so he could cook. He did. I left first thing in the morning and….

I’ve not heard from him since.

Total crickets.

I’m a big girl in my thirties and haven’t and will definitely not be reaching out. But frankly I feel sick that a 43-year-old man could pull this. Ok after a couple of dates (even though that’s not great) but after having a level of intimacy? I’m shell shocked, even despite my reservations about the bloke.

I know it’s not me it’s him yada yada yada but honestly I feel sick and shaken by this. I know in my gut I won’t hear from him again. And by this stage I don’t want to.

Can anyone help me feel remotely ok again about this? Need some viper treatment.

I was referring to men, in my experience. Is that OK with you?

Thank you for the encouraging words , @Ticksallboxes and @Thisisworsethananticpated xx

OP has said she will not be checking this thread anymore. But to anyone reading… what if you did send out that thank you text and there was a glitch resulting in him not receiving it.

Wouldn’t you expect him to reach out? Wouldn’t you expect him to make sure?

Wouldn’t that go double considering he’s contacted you before in the same pattern of communication?

If they don’t, then you’re not even worth the effort to them.

that is answer enough. Walk away.

I say this because in the past I didn’t understand that and it led to me being used and not valued. It led to me devaluing myself. I get my journey isn’t everyone else’s but I can tell you that people value who they invest in. They also aren’t the arbitrators of your worth.

How many men (especially)/women… even with children and a lovely wife/husband pine for “the one that got away?”

For your own future be “the one who got away,” because this is a trash person. Do what this woman has and acknowledge and support your own standards. Hell, do it even if you could beg, convince, and win him over.

He might be a prize but so are you.

@JustKittenAround I'm not responding to the vitriol but wanted to re-emerge to say thank you x 100. I'm grateful to have received support from posters like you.

Many people have suggested I reach out first which every instinct in my body has told me is a bad idea. A friend pointed out that he didn't even check that I'd gotten home safely, although I'm a competent driver/big girl and an hour-long drive is no skin off my nose.

I see so many women hurt themselves further by pursuing a response from someone who has shown them - through silence or other shady behaviour - that they don't want to give them further time/energy/investment. I have stayed true to my boundaries here - I don't need to be rejected twice - and was looking for solidarity because regardless of what anyone says or thinks, being cut off after spending time with someone who future-faked hurts. It's got me wondering if I did something wrong/hurtful when it's actually them.

Although we're a week on and I'm feeling better an more relieved by the day that I dodged a bullet. I'd like to think that all women would be encouraged to hold their heads high if this was to happen to them.

I think you've made the right decision op, don't be surprised if he reappears in a couple of weeks though

I've just had one who disappeared a few days before a first date get in contact 6 weeks later 🙄

I feel your pain, I have also been ghosted recently by a guy I met OLD. He was really keen and we say each other about 4 times and spent a weekend together. Being ghosted by someone whom you thought you had a genuine comment with is the most shittiest feeling! What’s weird is he hasn’t blocked me on WhatsApp but when I sent him a text it didn’t show up any delivery status so I presume that he has blocked me from texts?