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Original poster

Bl0ody ghosted :-(

356 replies

Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 13:04

Can’t quite believe I’m writing this. But met a man (43) on OLD a month ago. Instant chemistry, lots of flirting, took me out for my birthday and said all the right things. He called throughout the week and was actively pursuing me and making arrangements.

Niggly feelings were telling me that he was rather bitter about a ‘witch’ of an ex wife amongst other things so I was cautiously optimistic and not getting too excited. He was highly attractive if not a little ‘wounded’. Ex forces if that’s relevant.

We spent the weekend together last week - him driving an hour to my place. He insisted I head to his in the evening so he could cook. He did. I left first thing in the morning and….

I’ve not heard from him since.

Total crickets.

I’m a big girl in my thirties and haven’t and will definitely not be reaching out. But frankly I feel sick that a 43-year-old man could pull this. Ok after a couple of dates (even though that’s not great) but after having a level of intimacy? I’m shell shocked, even despite my reservations about the bloke.

I know it’s not me it’s him yada yada yada but honestly I feel sick and shaken by this. I know in my gut I won’t hear from him again. And by this stage I don’t want to.

Can anyone help me feel remotely ok again about this? Need some viper treatment.

OP posts:
Aretheyhavingalaugh · 31/08/2022 19:49

Maybe he had an accident or something or something which has made him unable to contact you? Unlikely but hey you never know

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/08/2022 19:52

You obviously had a feeling something was off, tbh the while slagging off the ex is off putting so I'm not surprised you don't fancy messaging him especially as it seems it would be usual for him to message you first?

Take it as a bullet dodged! It's upsetting that even after meeting someone numerous times and having sex that they can't just send a message finishing things like an adult but seems that's the road many men go down. I'll never understand some of them 🙄

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 19:54

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Original poster
Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 19:56

@SunnyD44 crikey. Thank god I'm not going on a date with you! 😂

OP posts:
Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 19:57

This reply has been deleted

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I am going to report your post.

What an utterly disgusting thing to say.

Stravaig · 31/08/2022 19:57

Let's be accurate @Cherrycokefiend - I didn't call you a state, I said you not calling him is a state, as in the horrendous state of society that we are still playing out these toxic stereotypes. Relevant though that you took it an attack on you personally rather than a comment on your behaviour. After all, this whole thread is an invitation to comment on the behaviour of your lover.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 31/08/2022 19:57

humdedum · 31/08/2022 19:47

Some of the comments on here are just vile, especially when posted in the knowledge that OP is hurting.

What is wrong with this site, it's so toxic?!

Yup, it's quite often the same names and every thread as well

And they don't just make their point once, they come back time and time again to continue sticking the boot in 🙄

Original poster
Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 19:58

@Someadviceplease1 thank you. Vitriol.com

@Stravaig ok, all the best. I don't need any more personal jibes, thank you.

OP posts:
Smilingwithfangs · 31/08/2022 20:03

Some of the posters on here are scary! Have I read a different OP? What are you lot on?!
OP I’m trying to laugh at the absolute state of some of this lot. However I will not be asking for any advice here anytime soon. 😂

Original poster
Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 20:04

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall I'm actually intrigued by the fact there are repeat offenders and that they've bothered to come to play on this post. I wonder what they find so inspiring?!

How can anyone get so worked up by me not sending a text to a man I was dating and feeling a little disappointed that he didn't initiate? It's actually completely wild some of the comments I've received here. Top picks:

*I need to grow up
*I don't deserve an adult relationship
*I'm reflective of the state of society
*I'm making feminists turn in their grave
*I'm like a 13-year-old playing mind games
*No-one got ghosted; I'm the immature one

So much for the sisterhood!

OP posts:
Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:05

There should be an option on the OLD threads

Have you personally utilised an OLD app? If the answer is No they should not be allowed to comment. OP every woman who has used them will sympathise with you as they will recognise a friend or themselves in the situation you have been in.

Block, delete, move on was written by a savvy professional woman in her 30s who had this over and over
A single revolution by Shani Silver was written by another professionally attractive woman in her 30s who went through 10 years of it

  • but its obviously the OPs fault that she is single. Hope your digs are OP give you a second to delude yourself that this is not the reality of the world we live in, regardless of class, profession or geography. That this behaviour from men is the norm and single woman can now expect this as the baseline rather than the exception.
Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:09

Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 20:04

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall I'm actually intrigued by the fact there are repeat offenders and that they've bothered to come to play on this post. I wonder what they find so inspiring?!

How can anyone get so worked up by me not sending a text to a man I was dating and feeling a little disappointed that he didn't initiate? It's actually completely wild some of the comments I've received here. Top picks:

*I need to grow up
*I don't deserve an adult relationship
*I'm reflective of the state of society
*I'm making feminists turn in their grave
*I'm like a 13-year-old playing mind games
*No-one got ghosted; I'm the immature one

So much for the sisterhood!

They get so triggered because its easier for them to believe you are the problem than digest the realities of the world.

They will be coming for me soon.

Westernesse · 31/08/2022 20:09

Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:05

There should be an option on the OLD threads

Have you personally utilised an OLD app? If the answer is No they should not be allowed to comment. OP every woman who has used them will sympathise with you as they will recognise a friend or themselves in the situation you have been in.

Block, delete, move on was written by a savvy professional woman in her 30s who had this over and over
A single revolution by Shani Silver was written by another professionally attractive woman in her 30s who went through 10 years of it

  • but its obviously the OPs fault that she is single. Hope your digs are OP give you a second to delude yourself that this is not the reality of the world we live in, regardless of class, profession or geography. That this behaviour from men is the norm and single woman can now expect this as the baseline rather than the exception.

He hasn’t messaged her.
she hasn’t messaged him.

poor poor her, but for him it’s “this behaviour”.

absolutely unreal. 😆

Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:10

... knew it was only a matter of time ...

Sandra1984 · 31/08/2022 20:15

A woman doesn’t get a text message in 3 days after shaggin a stranger for one month and makes a big drama, she calls it “being ghosted” (despite her ghosting him too), doesn’t want to text him because she’d rather play power game. Gets angry and defensive when people point out things at her.
“drama queen “ comes to mind.

forgotoldusername · 31/08/2022 20:16

@Someadviceplease1 you got this 100% right. Those who haven't suffered the heartache of OLD have no clue. We experienced daters know very well that yes, he's gone and no, he's not wondering why OP hasn't messaged. He's probably online working on his next "victim".

I generally agree with the idea of not sleeping together too soon but this guy is another of the many players on OLD.

OP needed solidarity and instead all she got are these terrible attacks (mostly from the same 3-4 posters) who probably met their partner 25 years ago in the pub. Sorry to break it to you but the world has changed and dating is way more difficult now (I divorced a couple of years ago and have been OLD since then)

SuperNoodle87 · 31/08/2022 20:17

Fuuuuuucking hell this thread is a pile on.

Some of these posters would get eaten alive on OLD.

Well done on trusting your gut, I wouldn't have texted either.

Imagine THANKING a man for letting you stay at his home (how generous of him) having sex and then ignoring you for three days. Call themselves fucking feminists 😂 a man better be texting to thank me for giving him time of day!

Original poster
Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 20:20

@forgotoldusername @SuperNoodle87 @Someadviceplease1 thank you for showing some decency amongst the darkness

OP posts:
Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:25

SuperNoodle87 · 31/08/2022 20:17

Fuuuuuucking hell this thread is a pile on.

Some of these posters would get eaten alive on OLD.

Well done on trusting your gut, I wouldn't have texted either.

Imagine THANKING a man for letting you stay at his home (how generous of him) having sex and then ignoring you for three days. Call themselves fucking feminists 😂 a man better be texting to thank me for giving him time of day!

Yep.

Keeping blaming single woman for being 'hysterical' - let the patriachy continue.

IrishladyNE · 31/08/2022 20:30

Be quiet.

Someadviceplease1 · 31/08/2022 20:32

Oh and if you did text him now and got a suitable response and it goes tits up in six months time - you can guarentee the same posters who shamed you for not texting would be

'I cannot believe you tolerated him after that time he disappeared after sex'
'My Robert would never have not called me every 12 hours which is why I stayed with him, he is a true DH'
'How could you have been so stupid, he disappeared before and you stupidly went back'
'Such a red flag talking about his EW I would have ghosted him there and then'
'You should never chase a man you are so desperate'

All in all OP - welcome to world of heteronormality. I believe one day I will write a book about it.

IrishladyNE · 31/08/2022 20:34

Some people on here are clearly stuck with their misogynistic man they’ve pandered to for years and have absolutely no idea what it’s like now. If he ever does contact again tell him to piss off and ignore these backward comments. He may have lost his phone, he could be dead in a ditch. Nope, he’s none of things. Unfortunately, men like this love online dating.

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 20:37

How can anyone get so worked up by me not sending a text to a man I was dating and feeling a little disappointed that he didn't initiate?

Are you actually as old as you say you are?
If not then fair enough.

But if you are can you not see why it’s a bit childish to not text someone simply because he’s a man?

Even though you’ve admitted every single time he’s initiated things and you’ve already had sex so it’s not like you’re going to come across desperate or thirsty.

You can’t moan someone hasn’t texted you if by your own admission he has always been the one to text first and you’ve not bothered texting yourself.

If a man never bothered texting me first then I’d take the hint.
He has taken your hint.

ticktickticktickBOOM · 31/08/2022 20:40

It's horrible when a blossoming thing goes west. Look after yourself.

Just out of interest though - if he messages you tomorrow and just says he's had a heck of a crazy week, are you up for dinner this Friday? - how would you now react?

Original poster
Cherrycokefiend · 31/08/2022 20:40

@SunnyD44 Again, I disagree that it's "childish". I can also assure you that I'm of age, thanks very much. I shan't continue to keep disagreeing with you. You're very invested in this for some reason, though!

OP posts: