OLD - why’s it so much bloody easier for men?

[Olivemitteridge]

More of a vent really, but a male friend of mine (we used to date but have been friends for a few years) has just told me he’s met someone.
He apparently signed up, and within a week, he’s met someone he likes and they’re now dating.

In contrast, I’ve been doing OLD on and off for 2 years, have probably had around 40 to 50 dates in that time, and although I’ve met some nice enough me, no spark and only a couple of second dates which came to nothing - one I realised I wasn’t keen and the other one ghosted me!

For context, we’re in our 50s, and he is very choosy, educated, attractive but quite set in his ways. So, he wouldn’t be just going for anyone, if that makes sense. He’s unlikely to go for someone younger either - he’ll be looking for someone similar to him, in their mid-50s.

It really feels unfair.

I am actually quite upset about it as I’d really like to meet someone and the choice seems so dire in my age group.

How do I stop feeling bitter?? Only half joking..,

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

My age bracket is 5 years older or younger. Realistically, I'm expecting to meet someone around my age. I would consider around my age to be 2-3 years older or younger than me.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

"These guys were not 'potbellied potatoes' but decent looking, relatively in shape and well into their careers."

The above is @DillonPanthersTexas description of his friends who were dating younger women. In my experience, the above description does not describe most plus 40 men on OLD.

The Golden Girls is basically my dream scenario....

The above is @DillonPanthersTexas description of his friends who were dating younger women. In my experience, the above description does not describe most plus 40 men on OLD.

Not quite, it was me recollecting my observations when I was in my 20s of the dating habits of my fellow 20something women who seemed to prefer dating older men instead of similarly aged guys from their peergroup..

@Joey69 You have no idea of my 'narrative'. However if you are an older man, you are probably imagining the rather self flattering one that I am an older woman hankering after same age men, who is 'bitter' about their preferences for younger women, while hypocritically preferring younger men myself?
In fact, I speak not from the perspective of an older woman, but from that of the young woman I once was. The vivid memories of the discomfort, intimidation and disgust I felt as a young woman being pursued by older men has left me with an almost visceral distate for men who do this. And, perhaps unfairly for men in that age group generally, who tend to typically, although not always, have characteristics I find unattractive.
Obviously there are some young women who welcome older men's attentions, but they are far fewer than men would like to believe, yet men continue to impose themselves on them. I remember how this felt and don't want it for my daughters.
If you are a 6' man who has had to spend his time fending off the advances of women who feel entitled to a tall man; having to move seats on public transport because they are intimidating you, having to put up with their lechery because they're your manager; then you are perhaps entitled to consider an older man's preference for youth to be 'exactly the same' as some women's preference for height. Otherwise, take it from me, it's entirely different.

Ok but my point still stands.

Older men can sometimes get younger women IF they are wealthy and attractive. The more wealthy and attractive they are, the younger they can go. Some women are willing to trade their youth for a certain lifestyle. But not all.

However, 50 year old Mr Potato Head, 3 kids in tow and lives at his mum's doesn't have anything to trade for youth and beauty.

I think we also have to keep in mind most women don't want to date younger and prefer to date older (especially in their 20s and 30s). If we accept that women have that preference is it not ok to accept men have a preference to date younger?

I think we also have to keep in mind most women don't want to date younger and prefer to date older (especially in their 20s and 30s). If we accept that women have that preference is it not ok to accept men have a preference to date younger?

This is quite a traditional view, prevalent amongst the over 50s, or thereabouts.

Yes, I was responding to a poster who was looking for a woman 3 years older or 8 years younger, and then asked ‘well why rule out a woman 5 years younger?’ Why rule out one 5 years older if that’s your reasoning?

Interesting thread.
I think on line dating forces you to lay down limits such as I want a man 5 years younger than me who does not have children etc etc.
in real life you might meet someone the same age who has a child and click. There is no right or wrong as for some people they don’t want to go outside of these limits.
However people who genuinely get on, get on for other reasons such as sharing the same fundamental beliefs. You have to meet up and discover this.
I do think men don’t quite get how easy it is for women to go out and have sex with good looking men. They therefore don’t realise that women can set high boundaries especially since they don’t want children. Once you have had your children men are not that useful to women, so they really can be choosey.
Maybe the same applies to men.
When I was single I was hit on by very attractive, fit young men. Quite a few of them my dcs friends!
Im not saying that I would have found everlasting love with them but I certainly could have had my pick.

If you want to date younger women I have no issue with that - I’m simply saying it will narrow your pool. I’m not sure where you’ve got the idea that ‘most’ women want to date older though. In my experience most of us want a man around our own age.

I do think men don’t quite get how easy it is for women to go out and have sex with good looking men. They therefore don’t realise that women can set high boundaries especially since they don’t want children. Once you have had your children men are not that useful to women, so they really can be choosey.

I think men do realise this, if you go and look at Reddit etc, there are lots of men who really hate women for this very reason,
but I think if you take a wider view on society and the decline of marriage, we are moving into a new normal of people having children & houses together and not being married ( and maybe never getting married), and maybe splitting after a few years, if you think about a society like this, where there is less of a norm on people to “settle down and start a family”, once a man had children he might think that there is less need to be in any kind of relationship, we might be moving into a society of lots of really small families units being the norm rather then 2 adults & 2.4 kids.
it’s all interesting stuff, I have no idea what the next 20 years will bring, but I hope I’m still here to see it

They usually say it's loads easier for us.

Sounds like your mate just struck lucky- and who knows how long term it'll be.

A lot of men might be happier with OLD because they're just after a wank or shag.

The blog I linked upthread had a feature where the author created a female profile, using a picture of an attractive woman, demurely dressed.

He said that she received a ton of messages at first, they were all deranged, and they dropped off far quicker and to a much greater extent than he had expected.

Is it?

My male friends are 25-45 and all have said dating becomes substantially easier as they have aged. Far more interest and predominantly from women who are younger (sometimes 10 years+ younger). This has also been my experience (now late 30s).

I don't see why my friendship group would be different to the experiences most men have in regards to dating as that age.

In my experience it starts off as a teenager where nearly every girl at school dates older (sometimes even beyond school age when 16+) and has very little interest in boys / men their own age. This then continues throughout adulthood.

I agree but I don't think it will be good for society at all. The rules around being in a relationship and the duty to your other half is a net positive for society.

In your 30s you've not aged out yet, and it would be expected that you had some interest. You probably seem a more secure prospect than a 20s man for some woman looking to settle, own house, job etc. I'm not sure 45-50s men are able to say the same though, so think it's a stretch to say it's an upward trajectory for aging men.

I think OLD is tough for either gender if they are looking for something long term and stable

It is easier for both sexes to find something casual

Well your experience and mine differ - of course if you know a lot of men who look to sleep with children/teens then that’s your circle so you’re more likely to come across them. It’s unusual in my experience for grown men to sleep with teenagers at school, but maybe that’s because most people I know would find it unacceptable so we don’t have those people in our circle.

I’d agree with that, I think the average age of marriage in this country is about 35 for women and about 39 for men, and increasing slowly, but I also think this actually puts more pressure on those women who wish to get married before starting a family ( if they want children of course),

But were / are people actually happy?

So many couples / parents look and sound so miserable.
I’ll imagine it was much worse back in the day.

Relationships are pretty superficial most of the time.

It is an offence to mumsnet for a married couple (or in ltr) to be happy together!

This is the same for me.. I remember getting attention from older men as soon as I hit 13 and was disgusted by it. I lost my innocent world view quite a lot then.. I wanted older men to be fatherly and kind to me and attracted to women their own age! Gross.

I remember a couple of girls at school dating older, every