Can I ask my bf to stop wearing his wedding ring?

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Going out for a few months, and going well, but theres a few things that are getting to me as we become more serious. His ex wife (separated a year) and him message all through the day and while she has a bf, she relies on her ex husband for emotional and practical support. Obviously still close as friends and as parents, which is natural - although my ex and i are only really in contact with kid related things, nothing more.

We see each other couple of weekday evenings and EOW.

He still wears his wedding ring, and has no intention to divorce, doesn't see the point and is committed to supporting the his family going forward for his kids sake, and wants to keep a good relationship with his ex.

I'm feeling a bit like the other woman. Like an affair she knows about and tolerstes, although i sense she finds my presence in his life difficult.

I've met some of his family, and he's invited me to a work do, but its struck me they are reasonably going to assume I'm his wife due to the ring.

He says all the right things, but there feels like she's still the key woman in his life, and I'm the one for fun and sex. I think he's clueless how this makes me feel, and doesn't want to screw this up. He's told her things are over, he ended the marriage, but there's so few boundaries in place. I want a partner i can support and be supported by, but it feels like that role is taken.

The ring seems like the starting point.

[Kerrrmieee]

They have years, a life, a shared bond with children.

Yes I do think it's too early to ask him. I also think it's too early for him to be dating after only being separated a year. That's nothing.

[TeapotTitties]

The ring is the least of your worries here I think.

I wouldn't date anyone who has no intention of divorcing.

[Stickmansmum]

Huh? It too early to remove his wedding ring (that now just symbolises he’s failed in his marriage commitment) but it’s not too early to fuck someone else clearly.

Tell him to take it off, it’s insulting to you. If he won’t, it says a lot.

[DivorcedAndDelighted]

Totally reasonable of you. Have you asked him why he still wears his wedding ring? Really quite odd to do so. It is perfectly OK for you to have a grown-up discussion with him asking whether he is really ready for another relationship, because this makes you feel like he's having an affair with you.

A bigger question is, when is he going to divorce? Formally and legally ending the marriage is a public statement that life has moved on, and that you are having a fresh start. He may be worried that it will turn acrimonious, but it doesn't need to. My feeling is that if marriage is meaningful, if it ever meant anything, then divorce is the proper way to tie up loose ends even if you're not planning to remarry. I feel that if you are clear that the marriage is over, then divorcing is showing proper respect for the institution of marriage, rather than maintaining it on paper.

[Johnnysgirl]

I think he's clueless how this makes me feel, and doesn't want to screw this up
If you think this, you're kidding yourself. This is not the one for you, he hasn't left his marriage yet. Not properly.

[MissBattleaxe]

Chuck this one back in. He hasn't let go.

[FlibbertyGiblets]

Sweetheart you ARE the other woman at the moment. So sorry.

[Ohahjustalittlebit]

Does his ex wife still wear her ring?

[Discovereads]

You are essentially an acknowledged mistress. He’s married with no intention of divorcing his wife. She knows about you and has given implied consent. That makes you a mistress.

If you want something more serious, you need to address the lack of intention to divorce. The ring is a red herring.

[Johnnysgirl]

@Ohahjustalittlebit

Does his ex wife still wear her ring?

She's not his ex.

[TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet]

The wedding ring should have come off before he started dating. (And you shouldn't date men who wear one!)

If the ring has some sort of significance to him beyond actual marriage he could move it to another finger... I wear a diamond ring on my right hand that was once an engagement ring, but I designed and bought it myself.

[MMmomDD]

Ring isn’t an issue on it’s own. It’s just part of the whole package.
He hasn’t fully separated from his W and doesn’t want to be.
Your feeling is right - he has her as a life partner in all but sex&fun. He has you for that.
Its not going to change any time soon as it works for him.
I don’t think he can give you what you want.

[Oopsiedaisyy]

And she has a bf!!!

Thanks for the comments, I'm reading and digesting.

I will be clear about what i need, or I'm gone.

[LemonDrop22]

No offense but why did you start seeing someone who was still wearing their wedding ring?

Also why did you keep seeing him when he said he had no intention of getting a divorce?

You're correct that you're a side relationship for sex etc.
He has clearly not really detached at all from his marriage/ex. Some men go on like this for years. He's told you he has no intention of divorcing so he plans to go on like this for years.
The wedding ring wearing is massively symbolic of that.

Youve accepted v low standards ... Why is that?
How do your feel your self esteem is?

This is a typical case of "you get what you accept". He knows you've taken this/not swerved in spite of all this, he thinks you're a soft touch. He'll find someone else soft enough/non boundaries enough/with low enough self esteem to take this if you go. He sounds far too entrenched to change for you or anyone. He might pay some lip service and say he'll change things, but I doubt he will.

[LemonDrop22]

I think if he ever gets divorced it'll be because his ex wants to, in order to remarry.

Bear in mind some couples dont want to divorce because they want to leave finances the way they are til later as well, it suits them financially. Perhaps for kids etc.

[LemonDrop22]

Huh? It too early to remove his wedding ring (that now just symbolises he’s failed in his marriage commitment) but it’s not too early to fuck someone else clearly.

Yeah, the irony.

[Fireflygal]

feels like she's still the key woman in his life, and I'm the one for fun and sex. I think he's clueless how this makes me feel, and doesn't want to screw this up

If you really think he doesn't understand your feelings then he can't have empathy. However he is sensitive to his wife's feelings so you are absolutely justified in feeling how you do.

He wants fun on the side whilst not upsetting his "family" life. I wouldn't hang around as I think this drama triangle will only get worse.

[LemonDrop22]

Even the phrasing of your question in the title of this thread .... Like you're cap in hand, like you're subject to him ...... You shouldn't have started dating him orgiven him the privelege of intimacy with you while he was still wearing his wedding ring; let alone be asking if you can ask him tonstol wearing it, months into this "relationship".

It's a non question. The fact you think it'd a question says the dynamic is totally off. You seem grateful and subservient... What for? He's offering a tiny percentage of what he should be for you to be committing your time,vresiurces, emotion, and body to an exclusive relationship with him.

[ArrabellaAM]

It sounds like they have an open marriage. They both get to go off and have their fun but still got each other to rely on at the end of the day.

[PutinIsAWarCriminal]

He is still married, both legally and emotionally, he is just not with her physically. I think you need to walk away from this one, as a future with you is not his priority.

[LemonDrop22]

*he thinks you're a soft touch

Btw I don't mean this has to be conscious, it could be sub sonscoud. It can be for someone selfish and entitled, focused on their own priorities and wants. Which is what he is.

[MajorCarolDanvers]

He is still half in his marriage and not ready to move on.

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Not wishing to drip feed, but the lack of divorce is linked to financial issues, wishing to continue to support his children and the family home, that i understand.

[Andromachehadabadday]

I wouldn’t ask him or communicate what I need.

Someone wanting to pursue a serious relationship with someone, does not plan to never get divorced and not see the point. Someone whose marriage is over doesn’t spend their days texting their husband or wife and spending that amount of energy chatting to them for the sake of chatting to them.

and co parenting doesn’t require the parents to in contact constantly.


Someone who has moved on from their marriage and planning on building a life with someone else doesn’t still wear their wedding ring and feel attached to it’s symbolism.


He is still in eating in acting like her husband, except for them also having a relationship with other people.

I wouldn’t communicate my needs because I don’t think he needs this explaining.

[Heartrate]

Why are you dating a man who wears a wedding ring? How did that happen?

He's still married. To what degree may be open for debate, but he's still married, he's not even pretending not to be.

Nothing good for you will come from this relationship.