Can I ask my bf to stop wearing his wedding ring?

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Going out for a few months, and going well, but theres a few things that are getting to me as we become more serious. His ex wife (separated a year) and him message all through the day and while she has a bf, she relies on her ex husband for emotional and practical support. Obviously still close as friends and as parents, which is natural - although my ex and i are only really in contact with kid related things, nothing more.

We see each other couple of weekday evenings and EOW.

He still wears his wedding ring, and has no intention to divorce, doesn't see the point and is committed to supporting the his family going forward for his kids sake, and wants to keep a good relationship with his ex.

I'm feeling a bit like the other woman. Like an affair she knows about and tolerstes, although i sense she finds my presence in his life difficult.

I've met some of his family, and he's invited me to a work do, but its struck me they are reasonably going to assume I'm his wife due to the ring.

He says all the right things, but there feels like she's still the key woman in his life, and I'm the one for fun and sex. I think he's clueless how this makes me feel, and doesn't want to screw this up. He's told her things are over, he ended the marriage, but there's so few boundaries in place. I want a partner i can support and be supported by, but it feels like that role is taken.

The ring seems like the starting point.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

I was more interested in seeing if we fitted together personality, interest and sexually than focusing on his martial status

But he still massively emotionally invested in his wife. Can you not see that?

And his children can (or at least should) always come first.

But if it's just a fling you're after too then don't worry about it.

[Johnnysgirl]

I was more interested in seeing if we fitted together personality, interest and sexually than focusing on his martial status.
Well, given that his marital status was (and remains) very much taken; that probably hasn't worked out as well as you thought.

[Johnnysgirl]

@Oopsiedaisyy

I'll keep you posted 😂

What amuses you about that post? I think the joke is very much on you.

[SirChenjins]

As this progresses I do want to know we can have a relationship together that gives me what I need. However, that for me isn't marriage or living together as I'm enjoying my independence

And a married man who’s refusing to take off his wedding ring or divorce his wife is exactly what you need? Your standards are really, really low OP - either that or you’ve fallen for the oldest lines in the Dummies Guide to Conducting Affairs

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Ive seen her Facebook photos and status, with her bf on it. I've met her children who would have then told her about me (she did ask for their feedback) and they mentioned her bf.

I've seen messages between them where I was the topic of conversation.

He's not deceiving me.

[AQuietWalk]

Why is it always the case that the ex-wives of these dodgy guys apparently have mental health issues? I personally would take that with a pinch of salt:

[DropOfffArtiste]

Maybe not, but you are deceiving yourself.

[DropOfffArtiste]

I bet her mental health is much improved now he has moved out!

[Andromachehadabadday]

@Oopsiedaisyy

So, yes, he did end it, for reasons I won't go into, but related to some mental health issues his wife has.

We have spoken at length about my concerns, and I've been very clear about what i want. It is early days for us as a couple, and for now, as things stand I'm happy to see how things progress.

For those who have called me naive, or lacking self esteem, I'm actually usually the one to end things as I have struggled to find someone who interests me, or meets my needs for longer than a date or two. I was more interested in seeing if we fitted together personality, interest and sexually than focusing on his martial status. As this progresses I do want to know we can have a relationship together that gives me what I need. However, that for me isn't marriage or living together as I'm enjoying my independence.

You are more interested in finding our wether you are compatible, than worrying about his marital status?

Then what’s the issue? If his marital status doesn’t bother you or is not a big deal, not priority I can’t see why any of this bothers you.

you ending other relationships has nothing to do with this. That doesn’t make you immune to being sucked in by someone you really like.

I assume his kids also live with him? He left her because of her mental health issues, so he surely didn’t leave the kids with her. Even stranger that he won’t divorce her, if that’s the case.

[Milkand2sugarsplease]

Does he know he can apply for a divorce online and it can be completely separate to any financial arrangements? (Obviously not advisable if one side is gonna screw over the other but doesn't sound like this is the case).

Aside from that, if he's not even willing to remove his wedding ring to her while he's in a relationship with you then alarm he's so should be ringing. He's still too invested in his life with her to move on with someone else.

[CambsAlways]

Well he’s having his cake and eating it clearly! He has zilch respect for you

[Johnnysgirl]

I've seen messages between them where I was the topic of conversation.
How odd.

[SirChenjins]

@Oopsiedaisyy

Ive seen her Facebook photos and status, with her bf on it. I've met her children who would have then told her about me (she did ask for their feedback) and they mentioned her bf.

I've seen messages between them where I was the topic of conversation.

He's not deceiving me.

No, he’s not deceiving you, he’s absolutely telling you as it is - he’s not getting divorced, he’s not taking his ring off, you’re having an affair, both you and his wife are vying for his affections. His ego must be loving every minute of this (and don’t bother saying he’s not egotistical, he’s showing he is with flashing neon lights).

OP - come on.

[girlmom21]

All of this screams open marriage to me

[SirChenjins]

Very much so @girlmom21

[YesitsBess]

I don’t understand why he won’t take his ring off? He can keep it (my daughter was gifted mine and her fathers for her 21st to show that whilst we weren’t together any more, she was born in love) as a memory, but refusing to take it off? That’s a bit crap isn’t it.

And you can divorce without a financial order.

What the heck does her pretend think about her “leaning” on her….maybe(?) ex husband. It all sounds ever so messy.

[YesitsBess]

*partner….not ‘pretend’. But now I come to think about it…

[Johnnysgirl]

I don’t understand why he won’t take his ring off
Because he's married and doesn't care who knows it. He'll probably be back with his wife before the year is out.

[Stravaig]

I was more interested in seeing if we fitted together personality, interest and sexually than focusing on his martial status. As this progresses I do want to know we can have a relationship together that gives me what I need. However, that for me isn't marriage or living together as I'm enjoying my independence.

Interesting scenario, OP. One interpretation could be that you're not interested in a conventional relationship, but you still want to know you can have all of him, if you want to. Also that you're used to being the less available person, but have now met someone who is going to challenge that, for very different reasons. Interesting times ahead!

[YesitsBess]

@Johnnysgirl

I don’t understand why he won’t take his ring off
Because he's married and doesn't care who knows it. He'll probably be back with his wife before the year is out.

Yes indeed, the simple answer could just be:

He’s a poo poo head. 😄

[Oopsiedaisyy]

I have asked what her bf thinks of the situation... He said he'll ask (they get on well).

If I go over there and meet them all and a bowl with keys appears, I'll run😂

[Jolie12345]

Why was he even wearing a wedding ring when you first started dating? I’d have found that odd

[wherearebeefandonioncrisps]

You are not his 'equal partner.'
He has told you that he is still committed to his wife and children.
That his wife is dating someone has nothing to do with this.
He wants to wear his ring and you can't make him not wear it.

Please don't get involved in his childrens lives until this 'relationship' has properly ended.

He is well aware of what you appear to others to be whilst he's still wearing his ring.

[YesitsBess]

@Oopsiedaisyy

I have asked what her bf thinks of the situation... He said he'll ask (they get on well).

If I go over there and meet them all and a bowl with keys appears, I'll run😂

I mean…personally I wouldn’t wait that long? But that’s now, and in the past I might have so I can’t join the “I can’t *believe you would put up with this” cohort.

But you know something isn’t right, at best he’s being thoughtless which isn’t something you can gloss over for very long. At worst he’s telling you that you will not rock the boat on this. It’s an unusual situation to be asking a partner to accept for sure.

[DropOfffArtiste]

You seem fine with all this OP, why even worry about the ring? I bet your "DP" is thrilled he's met such a cool girl who doesn't care about marital status. Best of luck.