Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Meant to say, @SortingItOut , I really like that picture from this morning.. it’s exactly what need to do

@GoldenMirror absolutely. To be fair my man was soo keen to get away on a holiday and was happy for me to bring my daughter too, shes upset we are over as she really got on with him. We could have had something really good but for some reason it was too hard to get quality time together and someone on here once said to me, if it's not working, it's not working. I'm open to talking should he reach out but he has a busy social schedule now for the next few weeks and I dont think he will. For now I'm ok with that too. Hope you're doing ok.

@Thisisworsethananticpated nothing wrong with feeling that fire now.. don’t forget it was meant to be a casual thing with him wasn’t it and it was just life that you ended up liking him more. As we’re not robots! And you maybe feel a bit cheated from it all 😞. But this shitty experience will harden you and only make you value your precious self more, even though it feels crap now. 💐 WE all luv ya and value you so highly!! 💖💖

good luck on your date @Mila14 !

Sorry to hear about his disappointing behaviour @LuckyLinda3 he sounded pretty immature and a bit of a dickhead…. Mates getting into fights 🙄😣 not cool…

sometimes I’m so glad i don’t have any of this bullshit, even though I live the life of a nun!!

(not complaining really though, I have a bloody great life!!) ❤️

@ButterflyOfShay thank you. Yeah I'm really not into that fighting crap and you are right dealing with some of this relationship stuff is so draining. I'm hoping when the dust settles I will feel the benefit of not having to.

Thought I'd stop by and say hello. Itisme new name though. I need some perspective on something. Sorry long post.

I asked Mr Cricket round for dinner (I had literally just landed in Ibiza, was still on the plane but something made me do it). I went off and enjoyed my holiday, a few days later he said yes thought it a nice idea. We had a nice chat, he talked about his new cat and Cricket, I sent a photo of where I was. Later I sent a drunk message saying had I known he was off he could have come to Ibiza. He knew I was at a wedding and he's had drunk messages from me before so no biggie.

I've not heard anything in 4 weeks now, he said August was busy so I didn't think anything of it as we can go weeks without messaging(we aren't dating after all). I know he's going through a lot, he has court next month to deal with the child access arrangements and CAFCASS have to do their report so I can understand him wanting time out and being busy. He's also been off his game these past few weeks and he's the star of his cricket team.

I've spent a lot of time working on me, I'm finally in a good place. I've finally put my past in the past where it belongs and I'm ready for the next stage (Mr Cricket and dinner may have been part of it). Ibiza was a game changer for me, I'm happy, confident and me again.

Last weekend my ex threatened to kill himself as his latest 2 week wonder dumped him(narcissism at its finest). I think it's triggered my anxiety as I sent Mr Cricket a message asking if everything was okay, I know he said August was busy so I hope it's nothing I said as I worry the Ibiza comment came across wrong(literally those words). I feel stupid for sending it now.

I'll feel sad if he has gone for good as I always said I wanted him in my life. We just clicked, we got past what we did at Christmas and we seemed to be back to how we were. I know him and he wouldn't have said yes to dinner if he didn't want to so the silence is confusing. Everyone keeps saying he always comes back to you so give it time. How long do I give though?! Watching him slip down my WhatsApp is making me sad.

More news…thank you Worsy , @ibelieveinmirrorballs ,@ButterflyOfShay …I will be dutifully reporting

seeing Mr A who is way too nice for posh dinner date 1…I think I will have a good time but I’m not sure I fancy him crazy…

unbelievably…Mr O has kept his word and has arranged to see me tomorrow!!! He’s unbelievably interesting but he’s a widow and I don’t know yet…he’s so sexy. I’m over the moon I will see him. He’s very quiet on WhatsApp and I assumed he’s not that interested but he’s taken his time and found a really cool place for first date. He said he would see me 22nd in first messages and so far he’s on the spot.

Mr Ex also wants to see me for lunch on Wednesday…this is all mental. I love you included in message. I believe he’s my fall back guy now which is weird feeling.

weeks go with nothing going on and suddenly everything in 3 days…I’m difficult and picky so I wouldn’t be surprised if nothing happened…I’m only certain of 1 thing. Fallback Mr Ex there always…

@SideshowAuntSally it sounds as though your drunk text (whilst there being nothing wrong with it ) did however perhaps give away your true feelings which is that you would like there to be more between you than just friends, and perhaps this has made me reconsider and back away.

It would not be kind of him to give you false hope if he thinks you want more then he is prepared to give you.

I really think you should properly forget him and move on - at least until you really are detached from him as a person - so that any contact you have with him is really and truly that of a nonchalant friend/acquaintance. I know you say everything is fine and you‘ve both moved on, but your messages to him and posting about it suggests this isn’t really the case.

It’s good that you had a lovely time in Ibiza but maybe time to truly let him go and heal.

Last weekend my ex threatened to kill himself as his latest 2 week wonder dumped him(narcissism at its finest). Eerily familiar. I would have done the same and send message to Mr Cricket. There’s nothing wrong with anything you have done. Maybe he’s just not interested but in any case relax and look elsewhere…if it’s meant to be, he’ll be back but do not invest all on him

@SideshowAuntSally welcome back! Not sure what you're asking really? How long do you give it? Until what exactly? You've sent a follow up message and he's still ignoring you so even if he does come back he's showing you where you are in his list of priorities. We all lead busy lives but it takes seconds/minutes to reply to a message, touch base etc. I know you don't want to but I think you need to give up the ghost with this one and be done with his breadcrumbing ways of keeping you in reserve for what would appear to be ego boost reasons

3 in 3 @Mila14 💅🏻🤩 you go girl!

Hope you have a lovely time tonight… round 1 ding ding! 🔔❤️

Thanks folks. It's always useful getting others opinions.

I actually thought dinner might have given it away more than the Ibiza comment as he's known about Ibiza since last year (he gave me his discount) and he knew I had a plus one but was going on my own and that was always the case. Fucks sake me and my drunken text. We were doing so well too and I so wanted to meet his new kitten.😐

Oh well off to do interview prep for Wednesday.

@Mila14 my ex is a massive narcissist and compulsive liar, I see what he was supposedly doing as manipulation. One of my first thoughts was how much I'd save on divorce fees.🙈😬

@SideshowAuntSally 👋 😘😘.

I'm sorry for saying this, But I have to agree with Sloth and Mirror. You know what Mr. Cricket is like. He's never going to put you first and you'll always be bottom on his list of priorities.

I know you want to be his friend, but he has consistently shown you that he can't/won't is unwilling for any reason to give any sort of friendship back to you. He's been unreliable and played around with your feelings many times.

I don't want to upset you by saying this, Slideshow. I know you've been though a lot and I'm so glad you're in a better place now. You and I have 'known' each other for a while though the thread and I know how much you've been though. You've come so far and now, you need to consider letting Mr Cricket go. He won't change, and you'll always be on the back foot.

I hope I've not been too blunt with you, saying all this, (you know I used to hate it when it used to happen to me) but I think you've worked so hard and come so far, and I would hate to see you get hurt again ❤️

@SideshowAuntSally Does Mr Cricket still have a girlfriend or do you have no idea as you don't discuss the elephant in the room?

I would suggest you find this out before you decide what you want from him.
Even friends discuss partners with each other......

Mr Cricket has breadcrumbed you for such a long time, you deserve better than this one sided situationship.

If Ibiza has given you confidence and you are in a good place delete and block Mr Cricket and find someone more deserving of you.

@SortingItOut no he doesn't. We were going to go to Wimbledon, he sent a voice note, did everything he said he would, messaged the moment he landed, arranged time etc. I lost interest as my ex did a number on me, then we found out it was the women's semi's and neither of us watch women's tennis. It's also not the first time he's gone silent. I pulled him up on it at Christmas and he explained it to me. He reads (always reads and never left unread or undelivered unless he's in the air).

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers not blunt and thank you.

@SideshowAuntSally 👍🏻❤️

@SideshowAuntSally I remember the history with Mr Cricket and I don't recall him ever treating you as a priority. I'm a fine one to talk as my username could be the fallback girl, but I do think @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers has it nailed when she says he's played around with your feelings before - friends don't do that; he's not a friend to you.
I know how hard it is to move on though - sending hugs your way x

You go girl - how lovely to have a choice!

Sorry I'm a little late with my thoughts @Stayingstrongish, but I've caught an iron out still being on Tinder after he's supposedly deleted it 🙄

After I called him on it he said he hadn't got round to it and I'm ridiculously embarrassed to admit I believed him and he stayed on there for the whole year we were together 😳

Thanks again everyone. Thing is when I was on holiday we were talking and I mentioned Mr Cricket's lack of communication and my friend (my best friend at that) said I'm a fine one to talk as I'm exactly the same and can go weeks without messaging or replying He has a very valid point. I'm just as bad.

@SideshowAuntSally how many times have you two met up since the incident around Christmas (was it then?)? The thing is, you say you go weeks without replying but you don’t with Mr Cricket I bet. It’s this that is the issue I think - some friends can have that kind of relationship with each other (although to be fair most friends don’t ignore a message for weeks) - but it’s the imbalance here that is problematic. You are not able to be nonchalant about it, and he is. And his nonchalance makes you think you’ve done something wrong, made a false move, “ruined things”. It’s not a healthy dynamic and that’s why it should be cut off.

Can you see that saying he always reads my messages indicates that you see this as a sign of his interest in you? Quite how disinterested would someone have to be to not even open the message? It’s massive breadcrumbing - you are taking his deigning to move his finger across his phone screen and read a message as a sign that he cares. It is not a sign that he cares. I wish you could see this. You deserve so much more.

@SideshowAuntSally but maybe you don't reply for different reasons...

From the outside it seems Mr Cricket picks you up and puts you down as he wants to. He'll reply when it suits you. I'm thinking maybe you don't always reply to messages in a timely manner because you're busy, or you reply in your head, or you forget? You seem like a lovely person - I don't imagine you don't reply because you don't care or you can't be bothered or you just aren't really that interested in that person.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I’m not sure either - but I saw some old messages from someone who had deleted their profile and it said something like ‘deleted account’ and didn’t show any details for them. But I’m not 100% on whether you could just delete the app and that doesn’t delete the profile.

Thanks @Daisysunset - this is the kind of thing that worries me… think I’ll just be cautious with my feelings and bear in mind that it takes a long time to properly know someone.

Feeling a little sad. Mr Young and far-away had messaged last night, out of the blue, and asked me to something, but has rescinded tonight. I know it’s silly, but I was absurdly flattered that he’d wanted to repeat our fun evening. Time to block and move on I guess.