Traditions in his family are weird, If I have to do that. I will do it myself!!!

[newmumy2022]

My partner's family tradition is weird.
Must have had earrings in my daughter's ears when she was three months old.
I was resistant. But if I really had to do it, I would do it myself.

Is there anyone in or around Liverpool who has done Baby ear piercings?
Any good places to recommend?
And what kind of earrings should I prepare?

I wonder if maybe this kind of mini earrings could fit?

https://www.trendollajewelry.com/collections/nap-earrings/products/trendolla-king-crown-earrings-ball-back-earrings-nap-earrings

Help!!!
FFFF!!!

Just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

However, I am too afraid of losing my Partner

Putting your partners wishes before your child’s health, safety and dignity.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Poor excuse of a mother.

@FlissyPaps this seems an extremely harsh thing to say to a mother, also if the there’s a genuine risk the partner could leave over this, @newmumy2022 may have to consider to risk to her and her baby’s financial health and security during one of the most dire economic periods in recent history. Ear piercing may not be ideal as a practice but it is basically safe with low risk of serious complications, there are many culturally normal UK practices which other cultures find equally or more barbaric.

No I’m sorry but anyone who puts their partners wishes before their child’s is absolutely disgusting.

Anyone who is afraid to “loose” their partner over something COSMETIC to their child is an unfit parent.

The child is too young to consent to it. That’s the bottom line. All this about “culture” “tradition” is absolute bullshit. It’s archaic. Just because something is cultural and tradition, doesn’t make it morally okay.

I don’t really care if it’s a relatively safe and low risk procedure. It should not be allowed to happen to baby or a young child. Its disgusting.

There’s no point bringing other cultural practices into the discussion. This is about ear piercings. Keep it about ear piercings.

However, I am too afraid of losing my Partner, I am a Hong Konger and my visa and job are not guaranteed at the moment. Losing my Partner means I may lose everything

Better for the infant to be separated from its mother because she gets deported if the relationship ends over this?

Better for the infant to be separated from its mother because she gets deported if the relationship ends over this?

If the man would rather end the relationship so the mother of his child be deported and be separated from their child, than to not go through with this archaic “tradition” then he is also an unfit parent.

The whole situation is fucked up. No one clearly cares for the best interests of the baby. Father would rather keep traditions and coerce the mother. & the mother would rather not lose her partner.

fucked up fucked up fucked up.

Given the current situation in Hong Kong, I would hold on tight and do basically anything to avoid being deported until I had permanent residency rights in the UK. Ear piercing... whatever. I don't think it's great, but...

Are you actually married? If not, it was a bit daft having a baby without the legal protection of marriage. Plus also daft choosing a partner who is easily controlled by his family.

My parents got my ears pierced when I was a child...I reacted so badly (crying hysterically) to the first one that the piercer refused to do the second ear. I then cried every time my mother tried to take me back for the second ear and it took 5 years for me to get my second ear pierced in the end.

Be prepared for the fact that if you go with her or do it yourself; you're hurting your baby.

You have spoken my mind

My partner told me he would marry me when the baby is one year old. I choose to believe it. I do NOT have many choices for now!

OP you have been appallingly naive. If I were you I'd be working hard towards securing your independence ASAP

This just gets worse. OP had a baby to snare her DP into marriage, so she doesn't have to go back to live in Hong Kong. That poor baby will go through pain and possible infection to appease her DP's family's traditional beliefs (how traditional is having a baby before marriage, I wonder?).

My partner told me he would marry me when the baby is one year old. I choose to believe it. I do NOT have many choices for now!. Your daughter has no choices. BTW I don't believe he'll marry you.

"Third, to kind of show you the other side of this argument, just imagine this: you know good and well if you had told the internet that YOU wanted to get your daughter's ears pierced at a young age because it's your family tradition, and that your husband was the one who didn't want to have it done, everyone here would be telling you to screw his feelings and who cares what he thinks and do what you want..."

I really don't think they would, based on this thread.

OP, twhat culture is your partner from? It might help to know some more details so we can understand why his family are so keen to get the ears pierced, and your situation, where it sounds like you're in a very precarious position. Do you love each other? Does he treat you well, and just happens to be making a stand on this?

Can you talk us through this relationship, please?

• How long have you been together?
• Was the baby planned?
• What’s the actual relationship like? Do you genuinely believe that this man would end your relationship and allow you to be deported if you don’t agree to pierce her ears?
• What culture is your partner from?
• What’s the visa situation?

I’m from a west African country where we pierce babies’ ears. Mine were pierced when I was 7 days old. I won’t be doing it to my daughters, as I think it’s something they get to decide for themselves. However, piercing babies’ ears doesn’t horrify me as a concept. It’s everything else in your posts that seems pretty ominous. Your situation does not sound good or safe.

Just refuse. You child, your rules.

Where did you get this information ?

Thank you very much for your reply!!!
Their family is from India and they have helped me a lot since I came to England from Hong Kong.
I am not sure if it is love for my Partner, but I do have feelings for him.
At the moment, I am not working and I need to take care of my children full-time.
We have discussed getting married, but it lies in the matter of piercing the baby's ears, their family is very strong and has been delaying the wedding date.
I'm glad to see that there are also many people here who had their ears pierced at a very young age.
I've been stressing, after weighing all the factors, that if it's going to be done, it's going to be done with me.
So, tattoo parlor for ear piercings.
If their earnings are good enough. I will also buy them there.
If not, I will still stick to my trustworthy brand for the baby earrings.

What a sad situation to bring a baby in to.

Incredibly sad. Fucked up.

His family can't be that bothered about or strict when it comes to 'traditions' seeing as you've had a baby out of wedlock (possibly children, you initially said DC but have since quoted children, so more than one) and that's a big no-no in most Indian religions.

You've been naive and now have only the word of your 'D'P that he'll marry you - you need to start securing your future and stop being so reliant on him, I also doubt he'll marry you. And if his proposal hinges on sticking needles into your baby, I wouldn't be marrying him anyway. What will happen when he expects you to do anything else that you disagree with? If it comes to him wanting to physically punish your child? Will you just go along with anything and everything he says?

Urgh. Just urgh. Utterly disgraceful 😑

How awful that you're in a position where you are forced into doing things you wouldn't chose and are raising a child in that environment. Sad for you, even sadder for the child. It sounds like you are utterly dependent on him and his family and no one gives a shit for your opinion or what you want. I don't see a great future for you or your child in this unfortunately.

Many people here have called me naive, childish and ignorant.
Yet I feel incredibly determined within myself.
I know exactly what I need most for myself and my baby at the moment and what I can compromise on.

Just one ear piercing, and there are already very many people here who replied that they had their ears pierced by their parents when they were young.
And, I would definitely do it with my baby together, safety and avoiding infection is paramount.

There are indeed many strange traditions in my partner's family. I could talk about it for a month if I told you.
My partner is not bad to me and the child, after the child is a little older if he does not want to get married.
No problem!
Fuck him and his family!
I'll still move on!

As I said above (and you ignored), the issue isn’t really the ear piercing. It’s literally everything else you’ve said about your situation. You seem unwilling to engage with that.