Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Traditions in his family are weird, If I have to do that. I will do it myself!!!

350 replies

newmumy2022 · 18/08/2022 09:00

My partner's family tradition is weird.
Must have had earrings in my daughter's ears when she was three months old.
I was resistant. But if I really had to do it, I would do it myself.

Is there anyone in or around Liverpool who has done Baby ear piercings?
Any good places to recommend?
And what kind of earrings should I prepare?

I wonder if maybe this kind of mini earrings could fit?

https://www.trendollajewelry.com/collections/nap-earrings/products/trendolla-king-crown-earrings-ball-back-earrings-nap-earrings

Help!!!
FFFF!!!

OP posts:
diddl · 18/08/2022 13:59

I’ve heard the remembering the pain argument before. I had my last piercing when I was 22. I’m in my 40s now and I don’t remember the pain either.

I don't remember it for mine either.

The first was in Winter though so maybe they were naturally anaesthetised!

That said I can't remember the pain of giving birth any more either-maybe I'm just forgetful!

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/08/2022 14:03

Really don’t do this OP. Nowhere decent would do this to a baby. Other than the fact you are inflicting pain she can’t understand, it’s not being particularly safe, and she hasn’t consented to it - it looks awful, like a toddler in make up. Leave it until she is a teen and can decide for herself.

Tell him it’s old fashioned and things like this are no longer OK.

SallyWD · 18/08/2022 14:05

dworky · 18/08/2022 13:51

That's not a tradition, it's pure misogyny saying girls 'have' to do anything!
Why would any parent inflict unnecessary pain on their baby, anyway?

Yes another reason I refused to pierce my daughter's ears as a baby was because I felt uncomfortable with the notion of boys and girls being treated differently, particularly when they're newborns! My Indian in-laws have quite strict ideas about how boys and girls should be. I didn't like the fact that just because my baby had one type of genitals she should be treated differently. OK, she grew up to be quite a girly girl who loves jewellery and chose to get her ears pierced and that's fine. I'm happy for her to be like that. I just didn't feel comfortable piercing her ears and choosing to change her appearance at a few weeks old simply because she's a girl. It's like you've already decided she's female and therefore she must be pretty and decorative despite being fresh out the womb!

KettrickenSmiled · 18/08/2022 14:05

Of course a baby won't remember the pain - they have not yet laid down the neural memory circuits, which is why few of us can remember anything much before around 2 years old.

That's hardly the point though is it?
The pain is still happening in the moment.
As is the risk of catching the earrings, or getting an infection.

Not that OP - if this post is genuine - seems to give a shit about that. More about where she can get it done, so she can pander to her partner & not risk him dumping her over it.

VeganCow · 18/08/2022 14:11

I think its awful. Watch this and if you think it's ok, theres something wrong with you. Title of video is misleading, baby DOES cry, trying to justify the cruelty for their own selfish reasons, pure and simple.

Namerchangerextraordinaire · 18/08/2022 14:11

If it is such a big tradition in his family, then they will know who pierces ears locally and you wouldn't need to be asking randoms on mumsnet.

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 14:11

do not harm you unconsenting child for 'tradition'.

It YOUR job to advocate for her because she can't.

No respectible proper piercer will pierce someone who cant consent, most my highly trained piercings friends have now moved on to only piercing over 18s with photo ID regardless and you have to sign consent forms.

TrashPandas · 18/08/2022 14:12

I suppose I was wondering how it ever came about though that all females must have pierced ears in certain cultures.

It's a good question! Jewellery is such an ancient thing that it's probably an incredibly complex answer.

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 14:15

I’ve heard the remembering the pain argument before. I had my last piercing when I was 22. I’m in my 40s now and I don’t remember the pain either.

yep, my tattoos didn't hurt (at most felt like nettle stings while going over the bone but 99% didn't hurt), I wouldnt tattoo a child though.

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2022 14:18

newmumy2022 · 18/08/2022 09:51

I appreciate all of you!!
but!!
I really care about my partner!
I am worried about losing!!!

If he'd leave you over that then he's not worth keeping

Why can't you stand up to him? What else does he control?

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 14:18

TrashPandas · 18/08/2022 14:12

I suppose I was wondering how it ever came about though that all females must have pierced ears in certain cultures.

It's a good question! Jewellery is such an ancient thing that it's probably an incredibly complex answer.

In the western world (non tribal UK, Canada, USA etc...) it wasnt common until after the 60s.

Hugh Heffner was famously said to have devorced his first wife for getting her ears pierced because it was so 'shocking' and he ran the most prolific 'porn' mag.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 18/08/2022 14:21

Oh just don’t, do not put your baby through pain, they are not a fashion accessory and it’s downright chav tactic!

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2022 14:23

Can anyone explain the reason behind the 'tradition'?

Namechangehereandnow · 18/08/2022 14:29

You are ridiculous OP ….. plain and simple, ridiculous!

SunnyD44 · 18/08/2022 14:35

Slightly more logically, some believe it's better to have it done when the baby won't remember the pain.

Oh yes I remember people saying this!

I wonder why it’s only some cultures though.

I wonder if these are cultures where the male traditionally chooses a female.
As with other ‘traditions’ like FGM and foot binding are so females are more desirable to men.

My friend got her baby’s ears pierced because “it looks cute” and so “strangers would know she’s a girl” - says it all really. There was no cultural element to it, just purely a selfish attitude.

RobertaFirmino · 18/08/2022 14:36

Well if you're going to get it done regardless, you might find a salon in the Lodge Lane vicinity that is culturally sympathetic. Just don't let your MIL do it with a needle and thread.

Apollonia1 · 18/08/2022 14:38

I used to live in Spain, where it's normal for baby girls to get their ears pierced as soon as they're born.
I showed a Spanish friend a picture of my baby niece. My friend was shocked the baby didn't have her ears pierced -" how will people know it's a girl!?" :)

Misunderstoodagain · 18/08/2022 14:40

I had my ears pierced the day I was born, family tradition... but you don't have to do that to your child of you don't feel comfortable.
Just make sure of you do do it that they use a needle by hand not a gun. They are really bad for tearing the hole through rather than piercing. Make sure you go to a shop for piercing specifically not claires accessories or a salon who happens to do it on the side

Johnnysgirl · 18/08/2022 14:41

Misunderstoodagain · 18/08/2022 14:40

I had my ears pierced the day I was born, family tradition... but you don't have to do that to your child of you don't feel comfortable.
Just make sure of you do do it that they use a needle by hand not a gun. They are really bad for tearing the hole through rather than piercing. Make sure you go to a shop for piercing specifically not claires accessories or a salon who happens to do it on the side

🙄

Spidey66 · 18/08/2022 14:48

JasmineIndigo · 18/08/2022 10:17

You are comparing piercing a baby's ears with FGM?! I've read some bonkers things on MN over the years and this has got to be up there.

OP of course it's up to you if you want to pierce her ears, but it's not really weird - probably best in general not to call your partner's cultural traditions 'weird' if you want harmonious relationships with them.

Show quote history

She was comparing that some cultures and traditions do things that to us in the UK seem unforgiving. And actually I agree with @SunnyD44

I think it's wrong to pierce babies ears. I know most people have it done, but I think it should be up to the child. I was 14.

Funny how it's always baby girls isn't it. 🙄

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 18/08/2022 14:55

Fuck that.
Shes a baby, she can't consent.

theremustonlybeone · 18/08/2022 14:58

Personally i think it verges on abuse to pierce a child who has no voice. Surely it would be appropriate to wait until the choose to have them done instead of it being enforced upon them because of a 'family' tradition. Interestingly my DC has a spanish grandmother and it is in their culture that babies have their ears pierced. She never once raised it with my or my sister in law or ever pressurised us to pierce our girls ears. My DD got hers done when she decided at aged 15.

rogueone · 18/08/2022 14:59

So true Spidey66 about it only ever being 'girls too'. Come on ladies time to protect your baby girls

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/08/2022 15:00

I reckon the OP is right now down at Barry's of Birkenhead choosing her lovely "nap" earrings as we speak.

Kennykenkencat · 18/08/2022 15:01

ClocksGoingBackwards · 18/08/2022 09:05

It’s not weird, it’s cultural for many families. It’s a bit rude to call it weird. That said, I wouldn’t want to have my babies ears pierced either, for many reasons, so just don’t go along with it. You are free to break the tradition with your own child.

Slightly more logically, some believe it's better to have it done when the baby won't remember the pain

What pain?

I have had my ears pierced I don’t remember pain,

If babies feel pain then why do it to them.