Disappointing proposal

[permanentgiraffe]

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

We went into town to return a pair of trousers I had bought from Next. We stood outside a jewellers to organise who was going where and meeting up later type stuff. He looked at a ring in the window and said " That a lovely ring, I think you should have it". I laughed and said " That's an engagement ring". "Best you marry me then" He said . That was Nov 26th 20 years ago. We have been married for 19 years. He brought up my 2 children ,who adore him, and he is a brilliant husband. He doesn't do romance or social media or Instagram worthy photos. He does spreadsheets and future planning and stability and honesty. The fact that your partner sorted out the bedroom bodes well for your future. Rose petals and balloons are all very well but a man who gets on with actual useful stuff is 10000% better for long term happiness .

From what I’ve gathered these are her personal thoughts and haven’t been expressed to the poor chap.

This is who this man is. He sounds lovely, but if you don't like him, how he is in relationship, the way he proposes, please don't marry him. You'll only make his life miserable. Poor guy.

I find the whole thing bizarre. It was a 'nice moment' when you were standing in the kitchen 'surrounded by boxes', and your 'joint playlist' was playing? Who talks like that? It does rather sound like you want to live your whole life in a series of scenes from Candace Cameron Bure movies. Life isn't really that whimsical.

I agree, the whole thing is so silly

Yes, but surely she'll transmit the disappointment? It'll come out in some way.

Are you serious???? The fact you already went and bought a ring together says you wanted total control over HIS proposal. Will never understand women that have to pick their ring. My engagement was a total surprise and the ring absolutely beautiful because my partner took the effort to choose it himself and really think about what I’d like.. although it doesn’t actually matter to me!

I have to ask
what did Alexa say?!

Do you not worry about Alexa listening to everything you’re saying and recording it.

its not just you that heard that proposal.

(pops tinfoil hat back on and goes about rest of day)

I foiled his plan by going upstairs earlier than expected and he had to take the moment.

I'm glad you realise this. He set it up beautifully really so focus on that. The intent was certainly there!

and congratulations 🙂

Only read the OP. Am I thick? Because buying a ring together means you're engaged doesn't it? Why then does the guy have to get the Red Arrows to fly over to propose? It's like "Instagram official" which implies nothing exists in reality until it's out there. I just don't understand.

I don’t understand the whole big show of proposals, I think social media has completely skewed views on this, that it has to be this perfectly planned moment but more for the benefit of the story when telling others than how it actually feels for the couple.

Surely the one you want to spend your life with asking you to do just that is magical enough, who cares how they ask?

My dh proposed to me completely out of the blue while we were watching a film at home wearing our scruffs, in the film the character says to his girlfriend ‘I want to marry you Jane Doe’ and she replies ‘I want to marry you too’ and dh turned to me and said ‘I want to marry you TruJay’ and I said ‘I want to marry you too’ and that was it and he didn’t even have a ring! We were young and skint, got a £99 ring from Argos a few weeks later 😁

That proposal probably sounds so crap to a lot of people and some have outright said it was to our faces but it’s our story and I love it.

When Prince Harry and Meagan got engaged in their scruffs while cooking roast chicken, people reacted like it was the most amazing thing.

Your future husband got down on one knee and said something to the effect of ‘this is our first complete room in our new house together, will you complete me by becoming my wife?’ That’s pretty bloody special op, don’t let your moment be spoiled by thinking it could have been better.

We’ve been married almost 13 years and have our 3rd baby on the way, believe me, the proposal is only the beginning and so minute in the scheme of a life spent together.

@BeeBeeDavis - surely you'd want to pick your own ring, though?
In the later part of the 20th century, the offer of marriage was no longer the social and financial gift of the man, so people would decide to get married and choose a ring together. The knee and surprise ring is a more recent regression.

Probably although I hope not as he sounds lovely. What a long life ahead 😂

Equally, don't you think putting all the onus on him is rather old fashioned when we are meant to be all for equality? It's a partnership.

Will never understand women that have to pick their ring.

Well, I'd offer to explain it to you, but you say you're not capable of ever understanding it. And to be honest, if you can't work it out yourself, you're probably right. So maybe just think of it as: not everyone is like you, and that's OK.

Harsh but true. Your proposal was whatever conversation where you decided to buy a ring. How did that one go?

If you want a romantic proposal just book a nice restaurant and have him go down on one knee.

He does sound lovely. There will be bumps on the road.

You'd already decided you were going to get married. You chose the engagement ring together. Then you waited for a faux proposal of something you'd already agreed to? Engaged but pretending you weren't?
Why?

The insta worthy set up moment?

Yes I agree. You've already both decided to get married. Don't understand why you wouldn't just put the ring on once you'd bought it instead of waiting for a fake 'surprise' proposal.

Thank God it's not just me!

😔 yea

(checks timings) You officially got engaged last night, and first thing the next morning you're on Mumsnet being disappointed? Do not go through with this!

Since the advent of Instagram.

It’s a bit immature and silly to be fretting over this, OP. Moving house is stressful and emotions are heightened, so maybe that’s playing a role.