Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
Chikapu · 14/08/2022 09:31

I never knew underwear was so integral to the whole proposal experience. I proposed to my husband when we were both stark naked in bed. Is our marriage even valid?!

Rapidtango · 14/08/2022 09:31

What was said to make you go and buy an engagement ring together? Surely that was the proposal but? Forced, orchestrated romantic proposals are naff in the extreme - what did you have in mind, you in a long gown, him in a tux with a rose between his teeth?

He sounds like a really nice human. I hope you have a long and happy marriage.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/08/2022 09:32

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:19

I am glad we chose a ring together as I have a very small ring size and he wouldn't have known that. My ring had to be made to order. We bought the ring spontaneously as the jewellers had a one day sale on for the jubilee weekend.

Well wasn't that the spontaneous proposal you wanted?

Life is not instagram. Depending on your age you could be together over fifty years. Hollywood proposals happen in Hollywood - the only thing that matters is whether or not this is the right person to spend your life with.

SeasonFinale · 14/08/2022 09:32

To me the proposal actually happened when you both went to choose a ring together as that was when the commitment was made, if not sooner when you discussed going ring shopping.

Sorry you didn't have the Instagram moment or story for SM you wanted but the engagement/promise to marry to each other is what matters.

I woke up one morning and DP said shall we get married then? And then we went and bought a ring. So it wasn't a flashy trip to NY, Paris etc or it wasnt a moment of me wearing my nicest outfit with our song playing but does that really matter 23 years down the line. Not one bit.

Brefugee · 14/08/2022 09:32

have not RTFT but give your head a wobble. You bought a ring together - that's it you're engaged. You want a dream proposal? how about you propose to him?
(tbh if you're being like this maybe he's changed his mind?)

Maireas · 14/08/2022 09:32

Chikapu · 14/08/2022 09:31

I never knew underwear was so integral to the whole proposal experience. I proposed to my husband when we were both stark naked in bed. Is our marriage even valid?!

I don't know. Did a dove fly in with a ring, and were violins playing?

lingle · 14/08/2022 09:36

I wouldn't go shopping for problems OP, they already give them away for free.....

averageavocado · 14/08/2022 09:39

mrsfoof · 14/08/2022 08:25

This ☝️

Show quote history

You've got a house together
You've already got the ring (together)

Why on earth did you need a proposal? And technically it wasn't a proposal anyway, when you bought the ring together. At that point you had already agreed to marry

Chikapu · 14/08/2022 09:40

Maireas · 14/08/2022 09:32

I don't know. Did a dove fly in with a ring, and were violins playing?

Show quote history

We had The Killers playing in the background and there were possibly some pigeons outside on the balcony!

viques · 14/08/2022 09:41

I don’t think there is enough popcorn in the world that will see us through the hen party/wedding dramas that will ensue from this engagement. Shame ,could have been a good’un.

Spohn · 14/08/2022 09:41

You (plural) had already got a ring, so you were already engaged-intent to marry.

70% of your post is about your knickers.

mam0918 · 14/08/2022 09:41

Your not wrong to be disappointed or angry.

I'm not for big proposals (a proposal can be anything but must be MUTUAL) at all but women suggesting other women have to be 'grateful' that someone asked them to marry them half asedly when they dont even have underwear on and already told them 'not now' then is abusive and ridiculous.

You have every right to set boundries (and the boundries that you wanted to put your underwear on in peace and that you would be ready in a moment is obviously a clear and fair boundry) and to say 'no' or 'not now' to a marraige proposal.

Its YOUR choice not his, you dont have to accept someone disrespecting what you asked of them and frankly women scrambling to desperately accept anything even the senario you dicribed is really sad.

Its clear to any normally functioning person that the situation wasnt right, trying to catch you off gaurd when you are vunerable is actually a classic type of abuse.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 14/08/2022 09:41

DHs proposal to me went wrong but we laugh about it. Never work with animals or children!

ShirleyJackson · 14/08/2022 09:42

What is this obsession about perfect proposals? Where has it come from? Instagram?

OP, my first husband got down on one knee after a meal in our favourite Italian restaurant. It was textbook perfect, and he was a truly awful husband.

Second time around, I texted DH while he was at work saying ‘fancy getting married?’ He is the best man in the world and we’re blissfully happy.

burnoutbabe · 14/08/2022 09:43

PlantChef · 14/08/2022 09:15

Imagine his view:

”Been so nervous building up to proposing. We’ve just moved and I had no time to do it as we’ve been unpacking and she’s been wearing a big t shirt with no knickers all day. I’ve secretly done up the bedroom as a surprise to whisk her off to bed after the proposal.
I hope she doesn’t ruin it by going into the bedroom before the proposal.”

Wouldn't most of us ladies advise not to do it on a day after unpacking and feeling hot and tired.

I'd have suggested he take her for a break to a local nice cafe restaurant or park to do it the next day "as a treat to reward us for all this hard work"

And Not expect a big shag after he proposed after a day unpacking in this heat!

Stravaig · 14/08/2022 09:43

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening"

This is already heading towards a coercive and controlling relationship. Emotional manipulation, tiptoeing around, can't get it right. Reverse the male and female roles, and we'd all be calling it out.

GoodThinkingMax · 14/08/2022 09:43

He looked at a ring in the window and said " That a lovely ring, I think you should have it". I laughed and said " That's an engagement ring". "Best you marry me then" He said .

awwwww that is really sweet - funny and seems truthful to him. Lovely! Thanks for sharing that @AngelinaFibres

Brefugee · 14/08/2022 09:45

sitting around with no knickers on then rootling around in a laundry basket for (already worn pants?) sounds über romantic.

PomegranateTree · 14/08/2022 09:46

Oh FFS. He sounds wonderful. Congratulations.

Adversity · 14/08/2022 09:46

A man that sorts stuff out sounds great.

Its the marriage that counts not the proposal or the wedding so much. I have been married for 25 years and had a registry office and village hall reception and a proposal in a garden. Please don’t get pulled in to a for show wedding, you sound like you may.

JaniceBattersby · 14/08/2022 09:46

You’ll laugh about it one day. My husband’s proposal was on a building site. I was a bit pissed off at the time but he said he couldn’t wait. That’s just who he is. We’ve been married 20 years.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 14/08/2022 09:48

Chikapu · 14/08/2022 09:31

I never knew underwear was so integral to the whole proposal experience. I proposed to my husband when we were both stark naked in bed. Is our marriage even valid?!

Sorry not if you didn't make it official on Instagram.

LetHimHaveIt · 14/08/2022 09:49

mam0918 · 14/08/2022 09:41

Your not wrong to be disappointed or angry.

I'm not for big proposals (a proposal can be anything but must be MUTUAL) at all but women suggesting other women have to be 'grateful' that someone asked them to marry them half asedly when they dont even have underwear on and already told them 'not now' then is abusive and ridiculous.

You have every right to set boundries (and the boundries that you wanted to put your underwear on in peace and that you would be ready in a moment is obviously a clear and fair boundry) and to say 'no' or 'not now' to a marraige proposal.

Its YOUR choice not his, you dont have to accept someone disrespecting what you asked of them and frankly women scrambling to desperately accept anything even the senario you dicribed is really sad.

Its clear to any normally functioning person that the situation wasnt right, trying to catch you off gaurd when you are vunerable is actually a classic type of abuse.

Please try VERY, VERY hard not to be so bloody silly. That appallingly-written load of drivel is as dangerous as it is stupid.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 14/08/2022 09:50

ShirleyJackson · 14/08/2022 09:42

What is this obsession about perfect proposals? Where has it come from? Instagram?

OP, my first husband got down on one knee after a meal in our favourite Italian restaurant. It was textbook perfect, and he was a truly awful husband.

Second time around, I texted DH while he was at work saying ‘fancy getting married?’ He is the best man in the world and we’re blissfully happy.

Yes Instagram as the successor to celebrity rubbish in Hello and OK magazines. With Facebook somewhere in between.

ReneBumsWombats · 14/08/2022 09:50

Will people please stop blaming Instagram! It's lazy and just plain wrong. Instagram launched in 2010 and people were silly about perfect moments long before that. It's all over popular culture from decades before. You may not like a picture-sharing platform but it hasn't lobotomised the population!