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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
Namechanger1002 · 14/08/2022 09:00

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:59

..but if you'd just moved house, surely they'd be in a bag or suitcase?

Show quote history

When we last moved house we still had clothes in the laundry basket and also a full kitchen bin that we had forgotten to empty 🙈

mistermagpie · 14/08/2022 09:00

If what this is about is how it looks, which it is let's face it, because if it wasn't you would just have put the ring on the day you bought it and got on with wedding planning, then just don't tell people you were wearing a crap t shirt and no pants!

If someone told me 'John proposed the day we moved into our first home together, he'd secretly unpacked all the bedroom stuff because it was really important to him that we start this chapter of our life together somewhere lovely and then asked me to marry him!' I would think it was really lovely. You don't have to mention the Alexa and the pants!

I had a proposal a bit like this to be honest (second time around I got a fancy surprise one, so you could always hold out for husband number two...) but it was on Christmas Day, so I just used to say we got engaged on Christmas Day and let people imagine some romantic thing surrounded by fairy lights.

He sounds a lovely bloke - crying because he's so happy to have bought a house with you? Just be grateful and have a read at some of the posts on the relationships board here for a reminder of what you could be lumbered with.

Huntswomanonthemove · 14/08/2022 09:01

My DH just casually proposed by saying “we could get married, if you want to”. 😍

Glitterbomber · 14/08/2022 09:02

FFS wise up!!!!!

poor fella, you’re definitely not mature enough for marriage.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 09:03

Namechanger1002 · 14/08/2022 09:00

When we last moved house we still had clothes in the laundry basket and also a full kitchen bin that we had forgotten to empty 🙈

Show quote history

Right. My concern is that she'd put on dirty underwear for her magic moment!

Bivvy · 14/08/2022 09:04

Honesty….I don’t think you’re ready for marriage

Wishihadanalgorithm · 14/08/2022 09:04

As soon as you bought the ring you were engaged - surely? I don’t understand the disappointment. Consider what actually matters to you - the person or the “perfect proposal.”

Bubbafly · 14/08/2022 09:05

Poor poor fecker. I actually feel so sorry for him. Catch yourself on and turn off the Hallmark channel.

Thecarpetisbeige · 14/08/2022 09:05

Just my personal opinion, but I think big proposals are just a nonsense nowadays. And if you had already purchased the ring together it wouldn't have been a great big romantic surprise anyway as you'd have hyped it up in your head.

DP and I are getting married shortly, no proposal or engagement/engagement ring just decided we would book the registry office one day and that's it done.

BEAM123 · 14/08/2022 09:07

He probably planned to show you the bedroom as a surprise and do a kind of 'here we are in our lovely new home, will you marry me?' thing. But as you went up to the bedroom it took the surprise element away so he rushed to do it at the same time you saw the bedroom. Panicked and stuck with his plan and then it all just fell flat.
I understand it wasn't the picture perfect grand proposal you hoped for to be your one in a lifetime movie moment, but I suspect that the majority of proposals aren't like that. The majority are somebody trying to preplan a romantic moment then somehow get it all wrong through nerves. Or deciding to surprise someone, going to find them with the ring but that person being, at that moment, elbow deep in the kitchen sink with gloves on. Or any number of odd moments that would be funny and sweet if it was in a rom com.

Think of Harry and Meghan ....he has endless money and access to privately book restaurants or fancy locations... he'd had a ring specially made....gone to that much trouble and then he proposed while they were trying to get a chicken out of the oven... picture that scene....!

Try to reframe it on your mind. You can have nice engagement pictures done, go for a lovely meal or something, your wedding day will be amazing, and you will laugh about this. You need to because otherwise you will always be feel let down and that's no way to start a marriage.

SmellyCat1985 · 14/08/2022 09:07

OP, this is a lovely proposal. It doesn’t matter what you were wearing. Your partner sounds so lovely and thoughtful. Focus on that rather than your underwear!

Poppyblush · 14/08/2022 09:08

Yabu.

Timeforanewnamenow · 14/08/2022 09:08

sarahbanshee · 14/08/2022 07:57

Honestly, I think that sounds as though he'd made a real effort and taken great care to make it a romantic moment.

You bought a ring together so have made plans together to get married but it sounds as though you had agreed he would choose a time and place to propose and give you the ring; you have to accept that in doing that you give him the right to make a decision about how and when. If you wanted total control over that you would not have had the surprise. You can't have it both ways - he chooses and surprises you, or you dictate but don't get a surprise.

You can now choose how to react. You can be delighted he took such care to propose in a special way and tell everyone how romantic it was. Or you can let this become a failure and take the shine off your big moment, hurting him and yourself.

You have a new house and you are getting married to a man you love and who loves you. How wonderful! Try to let go of the small stuff and appreciate that.

This

Ncfreely · 14/08/2022 09:09

Why didn’t you ask him?

Hoolahulahoop · 14/08/2022 09:09

You are totally entitled to feel the way you feel. I get it. But you know what - he does sound very sweet.
The fact you had the ring though - you must have had a 'do you want to get married chat?'

marvellousmaple · 14/08/2022 09:11

If I said what I wanted to say about young women these days I wouldn't be a good feminist so I won't. Huge sigh through gritted teeth

EkinWho · 14/08/2022 09:11

I think moving house is tiring and emotional so I'm going to put your slightly precious response to his loving proposal down to that.

CormoranStrike · 14/08/2022 09:11

Do you spend a lot of time watching or reading romcoms, or scripted reality shows?

real life should be spontaneous, not insta-perfect.

this proposal was doomed to failure because you invested too much in the moment, not the sentiment, not the emotion, not the love.

I know you are disappointed, but I think that is on you, not him.

RuthW · 14/08/2022 09:12

mattressspring · 14/08/2022 07:55

It's a bit of a farce to buy a ring together then expect him to propose isn't it? By the time you get to buying a ring surely you have already agreed to marry him. Why can't you just put it on?

Exactly this. You were engaged the minute you agreed to buy a ring. No proposal necessary.

TequilaStories · 14/08/2022 09:12

You can propose to him next time since you seem to be someone who needs Hollywood perfection rather than someone who just sees the upside and rolls with life as it happens.

ClearestBlue · 14/08/2022 09:12

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 08:23

I am not bossing him around, I haven't expressed anything but gratitude to him. I came on here to share my private feelings anonymously.
We are all allowed to have our private feelings, as long as they are not hurting anyone else

100%

I think overall it’s a lovely story and perhaps really represents who you are as a couple… big T-shirts and all.

I would let it go and focus on the future. I bet the ring is lovely.

GoodThinkingMax · 14/08/2022 09:12

How ridiculous. He’d done a lovely thing - unpacking your bedroom. And you spoil it by clinging to some teenage fantasy about a proposal.

You need to think about your response, reflect on it, and find a way to apologise to him.

Galvanisethis · 14/08/2022 09:13

I would be very happy with that. Try to move on from it, as he sounds like a great guy and they're hard to come by! I would just cherish the special moments you've had since moving in and focus on that - It's a beautiful thing.

PlantChef · 14/08/2022 09:15

Imagine his view:

”Been so nervous building up to proposing. We’ve just moved and I had no time to do it as we’ve been unpacking and she’s been wearing a big t shirt with no knickers all day. I’ve secretly done up the bedroom as a surprise to whisk her off to bed after the proposal.
I hope she doesn’t ruin it by going into the bedroom before the proposal.”

LearnedAxolotl · 14/08/2022 09:15

So you already bought the ring? Then you were already engaged. The proposal is completely incidental. Its real life, not a Disney film, the marriage is the important bit.