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Original poster

Disappointing proposal

443 replies

permanentgiraffe · 14/08/2022 07:47

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 14/08/2022 08:49

Aw it sounds lovely. The plan was obviously to do it when you went up to the bedroom and discovered what he'd done - nice sentiment - and I guess you went there early than expected due to the underwear issue. He probably thought you'd go up together after your meal etc. not sure why wearing pants is important for a proposal. Was it for the photos you wanted to take?

BellePeppa · 14/08/2022 08:49

JulesCobb · 14/08/2022 08:20

There are many posters who have purely made bitchy comments and offered nothing else. One was simply an eyeroll!

and she made no mention of berating him. She came on here to vent.

Show quote history

Vent? She had a proposal by the man she presumably loves and you’re defending her need to ‘vent’?! Here, have an eye roll 🙄

justusandmoo · 14/08/2022 08:50

bakewellbride · 14/08/2022 08:05

This is why 'buying the ring together first' is ridiculous and completely defeats the point of the proposal as you know it's coming. Surely the 'proposal' happened the moment you decided to go ring shopping together.

Agree with this. I really don't understand why people do this. Buy the ring and then wait to get engaged.... I'd spend all my time on edge! 🤣

He does sound lovely though OP and v genuine. Just go with it and get excited for what's to come xx

MummyLeg · 14/08/2022 08:50

Zonder · 14/08/2022 08:37

OP I think you need to just rephrase how it happened. Don't fixate on not wearing underwear and him finding you rummaging in the laundry. Focus on him proposing to you in the first finished room on the evening of buying your house together. That's what happened and that's what you tell people. And that becomes what you remember, and it's lovely and romantic.

This ☝️
congratulations OP, he sounds lovely!

Solidarityisbetterthanchsrity · 14/08/2022 08:50

Almost everyone is missing the point. Why were you getting knickers out of the laundry basket?

ReneBumsWombats · 14/08/2022 08:50

BorderlineObsessedWithYou · 14/08/2022 08:45

*As a pp said, I blame Instagram. How shallow can you be?

Oh pish tosh. As in my PP, they were exploring this theme in popular culture long before social media. It's not a new thing. And if OP wanted, she could set the picture up any way at all for Instagram, the actual reality makes no difference. That's the point. And OP hasn't said anything about social media. She may be a bit misguided but it's about her memories and feelings, not Insta.

Pegasushaswings · 14/08/2022 08:51

Him doing it this way is worth much more than a traditional romantic scene, it shows he did something that should really mean something to you. You are being ungrateful.

NCHammer2022 · 14/08/2022 08:51

Staged proposals are naff as fuck. Marriage is real life. You got a proposal that reflects real life - messy, imperfect, human. You don’t need a “story” - you are two people, (presumably) in love who want to spend the rest of your lives together. Don’t lose sight of what’s actually important.

AMIAMIBU · 14/08/2022 08:51

Poor bloke!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 14/08/2022 08:51

Good grief. Sorry OP, but you’re coming off as quite the princess. A good marriage isn’t predicated on an Insta-perfect proposal. And it sounds completely ridiculous to have bought a ring together (surely that’s the exact point at which you’ve mutually decided to get married?!) and then hidden it away so he can “pluck up the courage” to ask you. And you’re expecting him to do at the perfect time in the perfect way, just as you have it in your head. The whole thing is so painfully contrived!

If I were you I’d be thankful to have a good man who cries with you when he’s happy, unpacks a whole room just to please you and make a complete cack of proposing with the blinds up and you with one leg in your knickers. Seriously, if you can’t laugh about this how on earth do you think you’re going to cope with a lifetime of ups and downs together?

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:51

Solidarityisbetterthanchsrity · 14/08/2022 08:50

Almost everyone is missing the point. Why were you getting knickers out of the laundry basket?

Yes, it's been raised a couple of times upthread! We were wondering why she was rooting in the laundry basket....

Spanielsarepainless · 14/08/2022 08:52

Sounds fine to me. He had planned his proposal. If you wanted something different you should have done it yourself. My DH strolled in from the bathroom, half his face covered in shaving foam, and proposed like that. I think I was making the bed and still in my night clothes.

CPL593H · 14/08/2022 08:52

Some people seem to want every significant life moment to be choreographed to the Nth degree, probably with a camera crew and a director shouting "Cut....Take 2" if it isn't exactly perfect.

Frankly, I'd appreciate the fact he'd clearly thought up a plan and then done a lot to finish unpacking a room (in the heat) more than an Insta extravaganza, even if it went a bit wrong.

Congratulations on your new home and your engagement, please don't let a very minor disappointment spoil this happy time.

SuspiciousDuck · 14/08/2022 08:53

I’d definitely be seeing the funny side here.

I mean, instead of some naff cardboard cutout insta moment of picturesque “Romance”, you were pantless and huffing, and he was fumbling about one-handed with the blinds.

Your kids will find it funny, and it’s a cute vignette of what real life is like rather than insta life.

(also, um, isn’t the laundry basket where you put your dirty pants?? You were trying to put on dirty pants for a romantic moment…?)

layladomino · 14/08/2022 08:54

I think I know where you are coming from, but honestly you will realise very soon, that his proposal was really not important. For a start, it wasn't really a proposal - you had both already agreed to get married, so it was just a gesture to mark your decision (when actually, buying the ring was a much more significant moment). And secondly, the manner of a proposal bears no relation to how happy your marriage will be. I loath those contrived insta / youtube proposals which are all about the performance and impressing other people.

I know you weren't looking for that, you just wanted not to be sorting through your underwear! But he had made an effort to clear a room and had put thought in to it. You spoiled his plan by dashing upstairs so he had no choice but to go with it.

Be assured, you will laugh about this, very soon, and probably dine out on the story for a while.

justusandmoo · 14/08/2022 08:54

Solidarityisbetterthanchsrity · 14/08/2022 08:50

Almost everyone is missing the point. Why were you getting knickers out of the laundry basket?

Lol. Good question! I'm guessing though that it was a basket of clean laundry ready to be put away x

BorderlineObsessedWithYou · 14/08/2022 08:54

ReneBumsWombats · 14/08/2022 08:50

Oh pish tosh. As in my PP, they were exploring this theme in popular culture long before social media. It's not a new thing. And if OP wanted, she could set the picture up any way at all for Instagram, the actual reality makes no difference. That's the point. And OP hasn't said anything about social media. She may be a bit misguided but it's about her memories and feelings, not Insta.

Show quote history

It’s bullshit.

#makingmemories 🤣🤣🤣

WildOnce · 14/08/2022 08:54

I got splashed head to toe by a bus then had to walk to the designated proposal spot in the pouring rain (knickers and bra wet by this point). Yours sounds quite nice 😂.

I loved it, I laughed then and now. Sounds like your DP had tried and was really nervous. Those are good signs OP!

3luckystars · 14/08/2022 08:54

Rewrite the story.
try and think everything you are grateful for and rewrite it.

you are engaged, to someone nice, you have a wonderful future agead of you, congratulations!!!!

lots of people have huge proposals from the wrong person. All that matters is that he is the right person and makes you feel good about yourself. He is that is he?

if it’s the ‘story’ you are worried about just say you both picked out the ring together ages ago and he presented it to you when you moved into your new house.

all the best.

gtttti · 14/08/2022 08:55

Ahh @permanentgiraffe I can see if you’ve built it up so much in your head that you’re going to be disappointed that it was a moment you wrote fumbling for underwear.

But honestly, it’s not about the proposal, not really, is it. You could tell people he flew in the ring by a Dove if you really wanted. It’s about the good relationship and it sounds like you have exactly that so relax, laugh about it and congratulations 🎉

2pinkginsplease · 14/08/2022 08:56

You must have both had a discussion about getting married to be ring shopping, surely that was the proposal.

I’ve only heard of people choosing the ring together and then her waiting on a “surprise proposal” on here. It all seems a bit staged and unromantic!

Namechanger1002 · 14/08/2022 08:58

Our laundry basket is where clean clothes go before being put away and our laundry bin is where dirty clothes go. Maybe it’s the same for OP.

Congratulations OP on your engagement! I love your proposal story!

jammiewhammie65 · 14/08/2022 08:59

Leave the bastard

Maireas · 14/08/2022 08:59

Namechanger1002 · 14/08/2022 08:58

Our laundry basket is where clean clothes go before being put away and our laundry bin is where dirty clothes go. Maybe it’s the same for OP.

Congratulations OP on your engagement! I love your proposal story!

..but if you'd just moved house, surely they'd be in a bag or suitcase?

PulvisEtUmbraSumus · 14/08/2022 08:59

I don't get it. If you've already bought a ring together then you must have already agreed to marry each other. Why does he need to propose again?