Disappointing proposal

[permanentgiraffe]

I haven't name changed for this, as I don't want anyone to think this isn't genuine.

DP and I just bought a house on Friday. I has a feeling he was going to propose to coincide with this- we had already bought the ring together a couple of months ago.

He didn't propose on Friday. Yesterday, we had a really nice emotional moment where DP played our joint playlist, we were stood together in our new kitchen surrounded by boxes and DP started to cry in the moment. But, he didn't propose then.

We went out and he could tell I was a little upset. He asked why. I said, "that was a nice moment". He said "I think I know what you are trying to say. Don't worry, we'll spend time together this evening" (we'd been unpacking in different rooms most of the day).

In the evening I put dinner in the oven and set the alexa timer - DP was in the room with me, we were just on the sofa waiting for dinner to be ready. I was only in a massive t-shirt due to the heat so went upstairs to the bedroom to put some underwear on as I didn't want to be proposed to without wearing any, as silly as that may sound! I had told DP I was going upstairs to put underwear on. I went upstairs and realised the bedroom was completely tidy - DP had, without me knowing, unpacked and completed this room. DP walked in behind me, at this point the blinds are open and I'm scrabbling around in the laundry basket to try and find some underwear to wear! He has his arm behind his back so it was obvious what was coming. I say I'm just trying to find some underwear to wear and the blinds are open. DP scrabbles around closing the blinds with one arm behind him. He then goes down on one knee and says a sentence about this being the first complete room in the house and will I give him the honour of being his wife. And then alexa went off!

I know I might sound ungrateful. I just wish he waited until perhaps the evening after I had put underwear on (!) and we had had dinner and settled down for the evening. I'm just upset that this was my once in a lifetime proposal.

Leave him. He deserves wetter than to be with someone who he’s never going to get it right for. Poor sod

Hi OP. I know you feel disappointed right not but try to just let it slide. Its a funny story that you'll laugh at in years to come. These things usually don't happen like they do in the movies, and if they do then something else won't go perfectly.

We had quite a picture-perfect, movie-like moment (think holiday island, sunset etc) but I was really ill, didn't know a proposal was around the corner and it happened on our last night away. I was really ill though, I look back now (been about 10 years) and remains one of the most ill moments - especially when away abroad and suddenly ill. We spent the night back in hotel, him looking after/nursing his new fiancee. We have had a wonderful life since. It really doesn't matter.

Why don't you get yourself dressed up and go have a nice celebratory dinner? or walk in the park etc before? We both know he wasn't to know about the underwear situation and in grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. Go enjoy your moment, look back and laugh at this (and be grateful the bedroom is ready!).

Congratulations.

Yawn.

Oh God, listen to yourself!

I feel sorry for this poor man, already.

I think you've been given a hard time on here OP. My ex-fiance proposed in a similar way and it was a bit shit. We'd gone away to the city where we'd met for an anniversary weekend, and the expectation was in the air, and there were multiple moments in lovely locations... I also got a bit upset at the end of the 2nd day and my bf said a similar thing to yours. Sometime the next day he got down on one knee next to a bin on a footpath overlooking a carpark. Yes I was delighted and happy and we made the joy-filled phonecalls to parents. But yes I was also disappointed and in our case 18 months later our incompatibilities became too glaring to ignore and I called it off.

People agree to get married in different ways. A spontaneous casual proposal in an otherwise ordinary moment is deeply romantic in it's own way. Other couples talk about and around it for a while, come to an understanding, and then there's an unspoken understanding that there'll be a 'proper' proposal at a suitably significant moment. Trouble is, because it's unspoken there are expectations on each side which can be wildly different. It's not your DP's fault that his proposal didn't match your expectations, but it's ok for you to feel disappointed.

The reason why it feels shit isn't because you're a princess expecting to live in a movie, but because the moment vividly demonstrated that you and your DP weren't as on the same page as you thought you were. You're disappointed that he didn't know how you imagined it.

This could be nothing and it's probably nothing; a crossing of wires and a clumsy moment in an otherwise well-suited match. What matters is can you bring it out in the open and communicate about it? Can he recognise and acknowledge your disappointment? Can you realise and laugh about how ridiculous it was for you to put all this pressure on a 'perfect' moment? If you find yourself swallowing and pushing down your feelings, that's not so great.

Society / culture / media puts a HUGE amount of emphasis on romantic proposals. Don't beat yourself up too much for being human and buying into the unrealistic fairytales you've been bombarded with since a little girl.

Genuinely bizarre post, OP.

He made your bedroom for you as a surprise. ✅

He was emotional earlier as he knew he’d be proposing to you that night. ✅

He asked you to marry him and you love him. ✅

You've bought a lovely house together. ✅

You're happy, right ? You want to marry him, yes? He was improvising as you slightly fooled his sweet plans.

If anything, the no-pants element adds humour to a lovely moment.

Congratulations. Look forward now.

How did the conversation go about buying the ring? Did you not decide to get married before buying the ring?

I don't understand how you can buy an engagement ring and then await a proposal.

“Leave him. He deserves better than you.”

Fuck sake. Some posters are a joke.

He sounds wonderful. I feel a bit sorry for him though because honestly you seem demanding. Life won't be a series of perfect romantic moments like instagram, just enjoy it!

My DH proposed to me at the end of a twelve hour shift at the vet. I was sweaty, covered in piss, pus, shit and blood and I must have looked rank.

DH had also put a bottle of red in the fridge to celebrate as he didn't know any different.

Together 25 years and I wish I had your problems OP. I have many problems but they are not related to DH or the marriage and he would still put red in the fridge given half a chance I imagine.

Poor man

You’d already bought the ring together. That kind of takes the shine off the lovely romantic proposal scenario anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes to this

OP, I’m reliably informed by my DP that for a lot of men, even when you know your gf is a “sure thing”, it is nerve-wracking proposing. My DH arranged a weekend away in a posh hotel and it felt staged - we weren’t used to posh hotels (still aren’t tbh). I would have loved an off-the-cuff, low-key proposal. I think he would have too. But he felt under pressure to do something impressive so we had a “nice story”. We laugh about it now - the look on my DH’s face when we drove up to the hotel in our crap car which hadn’t been washed in 6 months, and a valet turned up to park it for us! It was clearly a massive “oh sh*t” moment for him, and the proposal was immediately rumbled! He asked me the moment we got into our hotel room, and afterwards said he planned to do it at dinner but was so anxious about how posh the hotel was he didn’t think he could cope with doing the down-on-one-knee thing with the wine waiters looking on!

So even if he loves you to bits, and you are worried he doesn’t “know you” if that’s what he thought you wanted, remember the wedding and the marriage are often no reflection on that one short moment in your life when he asks for you to commit the rest of your life to him.

Personally I love proposal stories where the DP pops the question in a ludicrous moment, like at the end of a hard day’s work in boiling hot weather in your new house when you haven’t even got your knickers on yet!

As other pps have pointed out, many of the best bits of life are not Instagram-worthy.

Most likely you will have a bigger hand in the wedding preparations than him, so make sure you pack it choc full of romance and memories. I guarantee that if your marriage is a success, one day you will look back so fondly on his daft, inappropriate

Christ, let's hope he doesn't do anything wrong on your wedding day or the poor bugger will never be forgiven.

You sound really fussy and needy and demanding to be honest.

The proposal was when your bought the ring together, you knew what what coming. Your post sounds a bit ridiculous to be honest. Congratulations!

I’ve not read the whole thread only first page but YANBU OP. Everyone remembers their proposal for the rest of their life and I don’t blame you for being unhappy with it.

People saying it doesn’t happen in Rom Coms but I can totally picture a Jennifer Anniston rom com character rummaging through her laundry trying to look ‘camera ready’ while her bf (maybe Ross?) proposes before she’s had a chance to put her knickers on. Everyone would think it was charming and funny. Please don’t go into married life with unrealistic high expectations of everything being picture perfect and forgetting to have a sense of humour. In years to come you will probably grow to love this proposal.

Welcome to real life. It’s not a movie and it’s not Instagram. It’s better because it’s real. It’s better because it’s unique.

What on earth are you on about? Abuse?

Ita very sad the the proposal is what nean the most to you, rather than the symbolism of commitment and marriage.
A proposal was pointless anyway as you'd already bought the ring together months previously and then spent the day moaning he had missed "perfect" moment to propose.
What do you actually want OP, an insta worthy proposal and wedding or a committed loving marriage? Because if the latter the proposal and wedding day are irrelevant

I don't get this mumsnet obsession with being engaged the second you agree marriage is in your future. If that's the case I got engaged less than 6 months after meeting my other half (except in real life I'm absolutely not engaged although I know he's saving for a ring). I've literally never heard this sentiment expressed in real life but on here everyone seems to think it!

To be fair to the OP she wasn't wanting it written in the sky, she just wanted to have some knickers on!

OP I hope the resposnes here aren't getting you down, and insted have helped with a 'Oh yeh, I'm a dumbass' moment and you're now ignoring the thread because you're in bed with your DH to be wearing no knickers and just the ring!

I don't get this mumsnet obsession with being engaged the second you agree marriage is in your future.

that is literally what being engaged means. As soon as you decide to marry you are "engaged to be married" ring or not, dream-proposal or not. I would go so far as to say that the first one who brought the subject up at the time you both agree did "the proposal"

Unrealistic expectations of dreamy soft-focus (insta)perfect proposals is a bit daft, but each to their own. If that's what you want, use your words and explain that to the man in your life.