My husband spat in my face

[Cantthinkofagoodname1]

Hi, I have not posted here before but I just need another perspective please….last night at around 2am my husband got out of bed and stormed off into the spare room. I was asleep but woken up to take a sip of my drink just before he stormed off. I was confused about why he was storming around, so I came to the spare bedroom and as soon as he saw me in the doorway he said “f**k off you fat slob” and I was shocked as I had been asleep, and prior to that everything was fine. So I asked what on earth was going on and he came over to me and spat in my face and slammed the door shut. I went back to bed shocked and shaken. He messaged me in the morning and told me that I contribute nothing to the relationship and as I do nothing (I work full time and do the house chores) the least I can do is make an effort when I come to bed. I haven’t been in the mood lately as I’ve been really tired with work and a new university course I have to take. So I’ve been falling asleep quite quickly most nights. But if he wakes me up and initiates sex or anything I go with it even if I’m not necessarily in the mood. Am I wrong for not going to bed wearing explicit clothing and initiating sex? He has behaved like this before over the same issue and other things.

Just a quick update, I have emailed a couple of solicitors and I’m just waiting to hear back now so I can find out what I need to do to get things in order. He had calmed down for a couple of days…it never lasts though…something will always make him angry again. I didn’t report the spitting to the police…I wanted to but I didn’t want them to come to the house and I’m sure they do if they know there is a domestic issue…I could be wrong but I don’t want the husband to know what I’m doing until I am in a position where I feel like I know what’s what… at the moment I feel like everything is out of my control and I need to get myself in a position of more confidence/control at least. Hope this makes sense…

@Cantthinkofagoodname1 it absolutely makes sense!

I think you could log it with the police if you wanted - but say you don't want it dealt with or charges pressed just to get a crime reference number encase you need it for court etc.

It's a massive thing you are doing. It's going to be hard there's no getting away from that. However living with him is hard too. About 18 / 24 months ago my friend was in a similar position but with a little girl. Her husband was exactly as yours sounds. One day he chucked a jar at her head whilst she held their 2 year old. It was the last straw. He managed to leave. It was hell. She ended up homeless and in shitty hostels. She then managed to find a job up north (she was London) rent a flat, start working, get a divorce and then go on to buy her own home. Last week she finished her masters degree and she is unrecognisable from the shell of the person she had become after her scum bag husband constantly put her down and made her live on edge!

This is the hard bit but it will be worth it! One foot in front of the other. Xx

*she - managed to leave I meant. Her crap husband refused to move out

Good luck op you deserve happiness

Thank you so much, I don’t think I could have got as far as I have without this thread. I would have let it go as soon as he calmed down, but I haven’t been able to get rid of my anger and resentment this time. It sometimes feel like I’m numb…

Op can you make sure that you have the text discussion about the spitting where he says you made him do it saved as screenshots? You don't need to go to the police now but this will allow you to show that there has been violence if you need to in the future.

Leave him, he will never change absolute prick.

Ask him to put the house on the market you want out. X

He doesn't hate you, he's trying to control you please get out. I was with someone like this, the last row we had he beat me up so bad I thought I might die, I left never looked back, get out before this happens to you. I can still remember the fear I had scrambling to get out of the street door hoping I'd manage to open it before he caught me. X

Sending love and strength OP.

His behaviour is absolutely unbelievable. Deeply shocking, you must have been so upset to say the absolute least. Spitting is the lowest of the low, what a bastard.

Never, ever let him do that to you again. Ever.

Give him the shock of his life and leave him.

Hello - I posted on your thread 13/08/2022 @18.55.
Just read today the abuser I wrote about received 8 years imprisonment. He should have got far longer.
I hope you left your abuser, and that you are safe and well💐

OP, how are things? Are you okay?

Hope you're OK and managed to get rid of this vile man