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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband spat in my face

288 replies

Cantthinkofagoodname1 · 12/08/2022 20:11

Hi, I have not posted here before but I just need another perspective please….last night at around 2am my husband got out of bed and stormed off into the spare room. I was asleep but woken up to take a sip of my drink just before he stormed off. I was confused about why he was storming around, so I came to the spare bedroom and as soon as he saw me in the doorway he said “f**k off you fat slob” and I was shocked as I had been asleep, and prior to that everything was fine. So I asked what on earth was going on and he came over to me and spat in my face and slammed the door shut. I went back to bed shocked and shaken. He messaged me in the morning and told me that I contribute nothing to the relationship and as I do nothing (I work full time and do the house chores) the least I can do is make an effort when I come to bed. I haven’t been in the mood lately as I’ve been really tired with work and a new university course I have to take. So I’ve been falling asleep quite quickly most nights. But if he wakes me up and initiates sex or anything I go with it even if I’m not necessarily in the mood. Am I wrong for not going to bed wearing explicit clothing and initiating sex? He has behaved like this before over the same issue and other things.

OP posts:
uncertainalice · 12/08/2022 20:12

LTB, asap. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

StopDrivingIntoMyFence · 12/08/2022 20:13

That's a disgusting way for him to treat you. I rarely say it, but LTB. He is not a nice man.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 12/08/2022 20:13

God I would have lost my shit and kicked him out the absolute prick

Wnikat · 12/08/2022 20:13

Of course you’re not in the wrong. You are in an abusive relationship.

RosiePosie80 · 12/08/2022 20:14

How horrifying. You should leave this absolute shit.

Pinkspice · 12/08/2022 20:14

OP there is no question about this. Just none. You absolutely have to leave this man. He is dangerous.

femfemlicious · 12/08/2022 20:16

Just leave him, please. Leave today.

germsandcoffee · 12/08/2022 20:16

He would be thrown out the door quicker than the kettle boils!
Then I'd drink my brew and think about how nice life will be without a knobhead spoiling it x

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 12/08/2022 20:17

You should leave, like, yesterday .

Fladdermus · 12/08/2022 20:17

You need to leave. He is abusive and this will only get worse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/08/2022 20:17

Can you tell us if you need any help to leave? MNers know a lot of community resources.

But do leave.

DillDanding · 12/08/2022 20:17

If you don’t throw him out immediately, you are a complete fool.

category12 · 12/08/2022 20:18

You need a divorce.

Springblossom2022 · 12/08/2022 20:18

That is beyond horrific. No human being should ever treat another like that. I would take him out for coffee somewhere public and safe and explain to him that his behaviour that night was completely unacceptable and, quite frankly, abusive and degrading. Then explain that you are leaving him. I wouldn't bring it up with him when you are in the house alone with him, he sounds dangerous OP. If you have family and friends close by please tell them what has happened and seek their support ❤️ This is a terrible thing to go through alone. Sending you lots of love x

dickdarstardlymuttley · 12/08/2022 20:18

What a traumatic experience. How long have you been together? What other behaviour has he displayed Flowers

Justcallmebebes · 12/08/2022 20:18

Outrageous behaviour on his part OP. How are you feeling now? Has this been addressed today?

FangsForTheMemory · 12/08/2022 20:19

Good heavens. Pack his stuff and show him the door.

GrimOutHere · 12/08/2022 20:20

He spat in your face? Disgusting man. Don’t care what his supposed reason might be.
No one deserves to be treated like that. Definitely LTB.

NeedASolution · 12/08/2022 20:21

OP, this situation is completely black and white. He is abusive and you need to leave. His behaviour is totally contemptuous and that is very worrying.

Do you know what to do and where to find help? If you work and study it sounds as though you can be self-sufficient, which is good.

Original poster
Cantthinkofagoodname1 · 12/08/2022 20:24

The house is both of ours it’s a joint property so I can’t throw him out…it hasn’t been addressed today. I came back home later than usual as I couldn’t face the thought of coming home and just drove around after work…I let him come home first as I knew he would go into the bedroom and shut the door. He does that often too. And then I sleep in the spare bedroom.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 12/08/2022 20:24

@Cantthinkofagoodname1 why have you accepted being treated this way?. Why are you still there with him. Do you think you could possibly deserve this?. Can you get therapy?

Original poster
Cantthinkofagoodname1 · 12/08/2022 20:25

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words 😓❤️

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 12/08/2022 20:26

You are not in the wrong.

You don't have to stay in this relationship. Please think about leaving this abusive wanker

AverageJoan · 12/08/2022 20:26

This is completely unacceptable behaviour, you need to leave this man asap OP. i don't understand why he didn't try talk to you rather than sit stewing on it until 2am and then kick off like that. I really hope you have real life support around you, please LTB.

EarthSight · 12/08/2022 20:27

Am I wrong for not going to bed wearing explicit clothing and initiating sex? He has behaved like this before over the same issue and other thing

Other than the will to come on here and write this, your bar become so low it's practically invisible.

Was this type of behaviour normal in your family or environment growing up? He sounds like a thug OP. If you don't leave him after something like this, then I do wonder what it will actually take for you to do that. How low does he have to go??