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Original poster

Much younger woman staying with us...

478 replies

Idontknowwhattothink · 02/08/2022 22:36

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 04/08/2022 15:14

I think maybe DH should find somewhere he needs to be on Saturday..

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 15:18

SalviaOfficinalis · 04/08/2022 15:14

I think maybe DH should find somewhere he needs to be on Saturday..

You know what - I agree with you! Especially now I have expressed how weird I am finding it all. But I'm not going to orchestrate or police it. I want to see what he does himself.

OP posts:
LemonsOnSaleAgain · 04/08/2022 15:22

Can you take the day off work and then, on Saturday morning, shout 'Surprise! I will be with you at home all day!'?

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 15:24

LemonsOnSaleAgain · 04/08/2022 15:22

Can you take the day off work and then, on Saturday morning, shout 'Surprise! I will be with you at home all day!'?

I suppose I could but I'd rather see if he voluntarily stays out of her way altogether.

OP posts:
Catlover1970 · 04/08/2022 16:08

Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 15:24

I suppose I could but I'd rather see if he voluntarily stays out of her way altogether.

Show quote history

As I mentioned earlier. If you spent less time on here and more time with your husband and daughter you would probably come across as a bit less vain and self obsessed. Anyway keep embellishing this story....

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 16:11

kateandme · 03/08/2022 20:13

You seem so Blah about if it turns out your dh does go with her.like do you love him at all?that thought should be devastating no?but your so cold and allof about the prospect of being better off if the fool cheats.

@kateandme

Totally agree.

@Idontknowwhattothink

OP from your posts you come off very much keen to let everyone know what a strong independent woman you are who can easily manage happily without her man and get another in no time and very “like whatever let the duffer leave if he’s dumb enough to leave me”. You call your husband old and say you can’t see what she sees in him yet say you are great looking and will easily get male attention if he leaves anyway.

This seems incredibly blasé when you also admit that your having relationship problems and have a attractive younger woman flirting with your husband. Quite possibly your need to make everyone aware how “you don’t need no man” attitude is doing your marriage no favours and when your husband is actually offered affection from a woman (maybe even any woman and age is irrelevant) he naturally is drawn to it, because frankly you don’t seem to have much affection or deep feeling for him.

If you more keen on the idea of yourself as a strong independent woman than you are on the idea of having a happy marriage and loving your husband you may not be having this problem. Perhaps she is picking up on your cold attitude toward your husband and seeing it as a green light to act out in front of you.

Quite honestly if your as blasé about not needing your old husband and being fine and happy without him in real life as you are on here then I can’t say I would blame him for falling for the affections of another woman. Who wouldn’t having to live with someone who expressed that all the time?

Tbh your attitude sounds like a mishmash of the worst cliches of Mumsnetters keen to express how independent they are and how little they need men. That may impress as empowered on here, but the reality is that irl most men will think it’s a ball busting attitude and be only too happy to welcome the affections of another woman over a cold fish wife.

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 16:14

@Catlover1970

Agree. She seems quite dismissive of her husband altogether and very keen to show how little she needs him. And keen to say how stupid he’d be to leave. If that’s her real life attitude I can’t say I’d be surprised if he welcomes this girls attentions - or barring that some other woman’s in the future.

Shes pretty cocky for someone who admits to having relationship problems with the father of her kids. Makes it seem like she doesn’t care if her marriage fails at all. That’s not an attractive attitude to a spouse.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/08/2022 16:17

Catlover1970 · 04/08/2022 16:08

As I mentioned earlier. If you spent less time on here and more time with your husband and daughter you would probably come across as a bit less vain and self obsessed. Anyway keep embellishing this story....

Show quote history

What an asshole thing to say

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 16:26

@Festoonlights

Whilst your friends are gushing about your likeness to Liz Hurley (who in real life in the cold light of day looks every bit as old as the rest of us! She lives close to us and I see her regularly)

Looking your age isn't a crime and shouldn't be an insult.

Oh and criticising the appearance of one women in an attempt to put another woman in her place (as you see it) doesn't do anything other than feed into misogyny.

In your opinion, women shouldn't look their age and if they look younger (which you view as better)they are arrogant to acknowledge that about themselves, so shouldn't ever reveal it. So the only way a woman can be woman-ing right in your view is to look her age and know she looks her age and she must also buy into the view that looking her age is a negative.

Way to support women!

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 16:29

Festoonlights · 04/08/2022 10:48

Liz Hurley IS old and looks every inch of her age thanks to her partying years. A life well lived I would say. Comparing yourself to her though is off the scale ridiculous!!!

I don’t think you are anywhere near as confident as you pretend to be…. based on your last few posts.

Yeah she looks awful 🙄

This is a third party shot from an event (so not airbrushed by her or a mag) this year.

Much younger woman staying with us...
Mississipi71 · 04/08/2022 16:36

Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 08:51

Extremely slender, long limbs, hair down to her waist, tanned. Athletic and youthful looking.

Show quote history

Oh well, she is going in a few days 🙄which begs the question why you are so concerned. If you had made thos into a light hearted/piss take, thread it would have had a semblance of interest.

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 16:38

@Mississipi71

Yes clearly nobody had a semblance of interest in this 350+ post thread...

Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 17:03

Again, if he was to jeopardize what he's got here for the sake of a fling (with her on anyone) then yes I would be better off without him.

The sad fact is you can't control everything in life. It's a far more peaceful to accept that and enjoy things as they are instead of battling hard to hold onto things or people. Maybe I will end up alone forever. Maybe we will fix the distance in our relationship. Maybe we will both meet other people. But whatever happens I know I'll be ok. I don't think that makes me a monster or a cold fish wife.

I seem pretty cocky for someone who is having problems in their relationship? So my self worth should be defined by the state of my relationship? Interesting perspective. What about single people? They don't even exist presumably.

This lady is leaving shortly. And then we will see how things are between us.

Perhaps IRL most men would consider my attitude a ballbusting attitude but thankfully I don't base my decisions on what 'most men' think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhattothink · 04/08/2022 17:06

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 16:29

Yeah she looks awful 🙄

This is a third party shot from an event (so not airbrushed by her or a mag) this year.

Show quote history

Hideous! Hurting my eyes...

OP posts:
Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:10

Point is perhaps your blasé give no fucks about your relationship lasting and your coldness about it all is actually the source of your problems within your relationship. And if you were warmer he would be less inclined to entertain this woman and more inclined to tell her to fuck off himself.

I garuntee a man who feels cared about and loves the wife who cares deeply for him wouldn’t entertain a woman flirting in his own home like this because he knows how it would make his treasured wife feel and wouldn’t want her to feel that way. But then that man would also not be in that position because the wife who truly cares would have been up in this woman’s shit telling her the business long before this.

Men like when you show you actually care and have passion for them and value your relationship. I shouldn’t have to point that out but apparently I do.

FlippinOmicron · 04/08/2022 17:11

Maireas · 02/08/2022 23:21

Ask her who she is, and what she's doing in your living room, all scantily clad.
Sounds like you need to change the locks.

😂

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 17:17

And if you were warmer he would be less inclined to entertain this woman and more inclined to tell her to fuck off himself.

Women are not responsible for men's behaviour.

If a man is so unhappy they are 'entertaining' another woman, he is free to put on his big boy pants and end the relationship instead of staying in it.

HTH.

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 17:18

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:10

Point is perhaps your blasé give no fucks about your relationship lasting and your coldness about it all is actually the source of your problems within your relationship. And if you were warmer he would be less inclined to entertain this woman and more inclined to tell her to fuck off himself.

I garuntee a man who feels cared about and loves the wife who cares deeply for him wouldn’t entertain a woman flirting in his own home like this because he knows how it would make his treasured wife feel and wouldn’t want her to feel that way. But then that man would also not be in that position because the wife who truly cares would have been up in this woman’s shit telling her the business long before this.

Men like when you show you actually care and have passion for them and value your relationship. I shouldn’t have to point that out but apparently I do.

I can't believe the level of misogyny in this post.

Men need constant validation or it's not their fault if they cheat, basically?

Even more depressing a view if you're a woman.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/08/2022 17:21

@Idontknowwhattothink ignore @Amantha00 you don't sound cold or vain or whatever else has been suggested, you sound confident and capable and a realist. There's nothing in your posts that suggest you don't love or want to be with you husband either

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:22

wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 17:17

And if you were warmer he would be less inclined to entertain this woman and more inclined to tell her to fuck off himself.

Women are not responsible for men's behaviour.

If a man is so unhappy they are 'entertaining' another woman, he is free to put on his big boy pants and end the relationship instead of staying in it.

HTH.

@wellhelloitsme

If your cold and indifferent to a man your married to you are certainly responsible for his behaviour in either cheating or ending the relationship. What do you think will happen if she makes it obvious she doesn’t care if the relationship fails because she is so desperate to seem independent? What do you think will happen if she goes out of her way to say she can’t imagine what a young woman would see in him when a young woman is actually pursuing him?

AryaStarkWolf · 04/08/2022 17:25

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:22

@wellhelloitsme

If your cold and indifferent to a man your married to you are certainly responsible for his behaviour in either cheating or ending the relationship. What do you think will happen if she makes it obvious she doesn’t care if the relationship fails because she is so desperate to seem independent? What do you think will happen if she goes out of her way to say she can’t imagine what a young woman would see in him when a young woman is actually pursuing him?

Show quote history

Looks like you read between the lines and got 5 Amanda, if that's even your real name 😱👀

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:26

AryaStarkWolf · 04/08/2022 17:21

@Idontknowwhattothink ignore @Amantha00 you don't sound cold or vain or whatever else has been suggested, you sound confident and capable and a realist. There's nothing in your posts that suggest you don't love or want to be with you husband either

@AryaStarkWolf

Imagine her husbands main selling point of himself was how independent and successful he was and how he wouldn’t struggle for romantic attention and would be just fine without his wife. Oh also how weird it would be for a younger man to be interested in her and how good looking he was.

Then imagine he had come on and posted he was having relationship difficulties.

Nobody would be surprised and we would all know exactly why. OP has a ball buster attitude which is clearly driving her husband away and now there is an attractive woman flirting with him and she’s live “whatevs”. It’s like she just doesn’t care at all and no doubt he sees it that way.

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:26

@AryaStarkWolf

Its not. It’s Amantha like it says in my username.

Delatron · 04/08/2022 17:29

OP I don’t think them spending her last day together alone is a good idea! What do you mean they’ll be ‘hanging out’?! If she’s going to have a last ditch attempt to woo him then that is it.

I do understand you can’t/don’t want to tell him what to do but I think I’d have to step in here. Tell him how you feel. Explain you do trust him but not her and you’d rather he had plans elsewhere. Then see what he does.

AryaStarkWolf · 04/08/2022 17:31

Amantha00 · 04/08/2022 17:26

@AryaStarkWolf

Its not. It’s Amantha like it says in my username.

😂

Looks like my reading between the lines is as good as yours.

Seriously though, stop misrepresenting everything the OP said here, it's pretty nasty and uncalled for. You speak about her relationship like you actually know better about her and her husband than she does herself