Is it possible to have a bit of ongoing support please?

[Bluehanger]

Hi everyone
I'm having a lot of problems at the moment and going through the worse time of my life. Feeling very desperate and alone a lot of the time and wondered if it would be possible to have a post that I could check into once a day to have some contact with people please? If anyone would be willing to offer any advice, that would be welcome too.

Short story is marriage breakdown after 30 years and struggling with painful guilt towards my only adult child. Have been separated 4 months and I've tried so hard to be strong but I've gone backwards and can't seem to do it.

[RadiatorCrush]

Well done for getting through today! That's really good they were supportive. What are your plans for the evening?

[Bluehanger]

Still here and not doing well. Please someone chat. Thank you

[Bluehanger]

Bump

[Bluehanger]

Anyone?

[PrachtStück]

I’m here OP. What are your plans for the day?

[Queenie6655]

Hope all ok op??

Sending good wishes your way

[MissMaple82]

See, I take issue with the reaching out for your friends now thing, so many women drop their friends completely once they enter into a relationship and only reconnect once their lives go tits up. Im a single, lone mum of many years and all my friends have done this to me, I am on my own with just my child, and no support and I think if any of them tried to contacted me now, I just wouldn't be interested, thats because I have grown to be strong and independent and not need anyone that didnt see me as an important part of their lives.
What your going through is a process, it will eventually pass, but it takes time. I strongly advise counselling and starting a few social groups out in the community to gain new friends. What about a book club? They do loads of stuff at my local library, or what about a ramblers club?, or volunteering somewhere, that way your meeting new people and your mind is being occupied by something other than toxic irrational thoughts, the more you push yourself the stronger you will become. Also, speak to your son! Good luck OP

[Bluehanger]

@MissMaple82

See, I take issue with the reaching out for your friends now thing, so many women drop their friends completely once they enter into a relationship and only reconnect once their lives go tits up. Im a single, lone mum of many years and all my friends have done this to me, I am on my own with just my child, and no support and I think if any of them tried to contacted me now, I just wouldn't be interested, thats because I have grown to be strong and independent and not need anyone that didnt see me as an important part of their lives.
What your going through is a process, it will eventually pass, but it takes time. I strongly advise counselling and starting a few social groups out in the community to gain new friends. What about a book club? They do loads of stuff at my local library, or what about a ramblers club?, or volunteering somewhere, that way your meeting new people and your mind is being occupied by something other than toxic irrational thoughts, the more you push yourself the stronger you will become. Also, speak to your son! Good luck OP

Thanks for your suggestions. I hope to do these kind of things in the future - sooner rather than later hopefully. At the moment I'm barely functioning.

I became cut off from my friends in the last few years when things became really bad. It wasn't because I was in a relationship and settled. On the contrary it was because I was in a toxic relationship and unhappy.

[Bluehanger]

@PrachtStück

I’m here OP. What are your plans for the day?

Thank you. Have to work today and get through the day. I'll be okay. I'm just finding it so hard. I feel like I've fallen down a pit that I can't get out of. No energy at all.

[Bluehanger]

@Queenie6655

Hope all ok op??

Sending good wishes your way

Thank you

[sonicmum2002]

Sending you a hug. How are you? Thinking of you. Keep reaching out.

[Bluehanger]

Thank you. I'm not good at all. I can feel I'm getting worse. So hard.

[sonicmum2002]

Also, I'll keep checking this thread so feel free to keep posting.

Have you heard of HALT? It stands for Hunger, Angry, Alone, Tired. When I went through a breakup, I found that it was most overwhelming if I was getting hungry, tired or alone. So keeping your strength up by sleeping, and eating (can be easier said than done I know) are important. Keep posting when you feel alone. Fresh air is good.

It does get better.

I understand you are worried about your son, but always remember that you are enough.

[sonicmum2002]

So sorry. Are you going into work today?

[Bluehanger]

Thank you so much. So kind of you. Just going into work now.

[sonicmum2002]

OK, I hope your work day goes well! xx

[Bluehanger]

I know it's become boring but really struggling. Checking in here is giving me some level of normality.
I don't know how I'm going to get rid of the feelings of guilt and worry towards my son. Hopefully one day. I've always been on my own. Never had any support or reassurance since a child and then into adulthood/marriage. I know why I'm a mess but it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

[PrachtStück]

You have support here OP.

Do you do anything to distract yourself during your time off work, even if it feels ‘wrong’?

Are you watching useless TV shows or reading or doing something that can keep your mind off all the worry? I fear you’re spending all your free time overthinking.

You haven’t failed your son. There are millions of single children in single parent families with no extended support out there. All normal, perfectly okay adults.

[PrachtStück]

I was also going to suggest, perhaps finding an activity that you can do regularly might help pass the time sometimes.

Enrol on an online language course or find a local group, sport, hobby you could join. Stop thinking every day about how lonely it all is - get out there and do some activities. You’ll meet people that way, or at least be occupied for an hour. Don’t spend the hour thinking about their extended families though!!

[RadiatorCrush]

Just offering some support OP. How was work today?

[Bluehanger]

@PrachtStück

You have support here OP.

Do you do anything to distract yourself during your time off work, even if it feels ‘wrong’?

Are you watching useless TV shows or reading or doing something that can keep your mind off all the worry? I fear you’re spending all your free time overthinking.

You haven’t failed your son. There are millions of single children in single parent families with no extended support out there. All normal, perfectly okay adults.

Thank you so much. It's the sibling thing that I can't come to terms with and am hating myself for. Everyone around me has siblings and don't get me started on the social media love fest. I know that sounds a bit spiky, sorry.

Also Sorry that I'm repeating myself from earlier posts, I just can't get a grip on this at all and keep calculating how old a child could be now and if I could still have another one (ridiculous and I can't).

I'm trying to keep busy but little energy means just flopping often which isn't good for the negative thinking.

I hope to get to a point where I do things and join groups etc. At the moment it's one day at a time. When I logically unpick it all in my head, I'm definitely suffering from trauma from pregnancy and childbirth and after. Of course the other family dysfunction and my marriage has added to this too. Feel quite disgusted with family/horrible ex husband today and can't get my head around how people can be so cruel. We all make mistakes but I feel like I'm dealing with monsters. They're really made of stone.

Thanks again for posting. It means so much.

[Bluehanger]

@RadiatorCrush

Just offering some support OP. How was work today?

Hi, thanks for checking in again. Well I did it! Kept bloody crying but I got through it so that's a positive. Less full on day tomorrow.

[Bluehanger]

Bump
Thanks

[sonicmum2002]

Glad you got through the day!

[RadiatorCrush]

Well done for getting through today! That's good tomorrow will be a bit less hectic. I struggled with postnatal depression and consequently didn't have any more because it was too hard at the time. I've often thought that I should have just done it anyway and had a second, then by now the difficult times would all be long over. I wanted a family unit and a sibling. But those thoughts are much less frequent now a decade later, and I am happy with my decision and the attention I was able to give my child. I try not to have regrets and to be thankful for what I have. It's not always easy, but I have a beautiful amazing child that I am grateful for.