Boyfriend blocked me when I asked him to message less

[Hungryalligatorslikeyummycake]

New poster but longtime lurker.
I've been with my boyfriend 6 months but friends for 12 years (we also dated 10 years ago LDR and split due to distance). During the years apart we stayed friends he dated other girls and I got married and divorced. I'm a single mum copareting with my ex husband.

During this time we message a lot. He asks me a few times a day if I'm okay. Sometimes I don't reply as busy with work, daughter and just some me time. I see him once a week minimum. If I reply I get messaged back quickly and the conversations take up a lot of time. So if I'm busy I don't reply I get more are you okay messages. Even if we talk on a WhatsApp group he'll message general one asking if I'm OK.

3 weeks ago I messaged him three times over the weekend when he was messaging like this. He then said he felt he didn't know what was goin on with us, he isn't controlling but he wants more time even an hour here and there and me to ask his help more as he says he knows I'm independent but I need to let him in more with helping in my house.

He said he is jealous I got married and that my ex husband helped me with something at home. He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime. He said he knows it's too much and does it to get my attention

Fast forward to a few days ago. Was due to meet but was feeling low so asked to reschedule but in the end went. We were talking about a project we doing together and he immediately made it about an ex. I said let's look forward not back. I messaged him after meeting to say that the constant messages throughout thr day need to stop and if I don't respond I'm busy or doing my own thing and I'd like to message less. Also I said again the ex thing has to stop as he compares me unfavourably to his exes and it's upsetting and making me anxious. I said I'd see him soon but really no replying or messaging all the time.

I went to confirm a meeting with him the day after and he has blocked me. I asked on a group chat why and he said I wanted space so he is giving it to me that I can't attack and bring up past all the time (even though I didn't I simply asked him not to). He said my mental health is my problem (I suffer anxiety and depression) and I need to sort myself out and that i can't just click and he comes running (he said he thought I was cancelling our date and wanted space away completely -I can accept if there is confusion here). But why block me? All I said was please stop messaging constantly when I'm not replying (due to being busy,) and talking about exes all the time. I've never yelled, called names or been violent.

I'm genuinely struggling to see what I did wrong?

Oh this made my heart sink.

I thought it was definitely over ? Did you stay with him ? Why ?

He currently has an ongoing cps prosecution too (he told me this after I asked for clares law).

He bought a tracker for my daughter. He's never pushed to use it (not that it makes it ol buying one).

WHAT THE FUCK?

HOW are you still even talking to this guy?
There is NO magic form of words that is going to stop him from being a controlling, abusive arsehole/ Stop wasting your breath, stop wasting your life & FFS get his AWAY from you & your daughter.

You have had so much advice here. It's time to stop all the "but whhhhhhhy?" & accept that the only explanation you need is that he is a dick, who you need to never see again.

It is really, really, simple.
One text "I'm breaking up with you because there's nothing wrong with my MH apart from you messing with my mind,. Do not contact me again."
Then BLOCK. On EVERYTHING.

If he then continues to contact he (he will) - call the police, because once you've expressly told him NO CONTACT, if he ignores that, he is guilty of harrassment & the cops will take action for you.

You must leave. No one can help you while you are with him. Leave for your daughter's sake.

What's the point of going through the Clare's Law process if you're going to ignore the outcome ?

If your DD's dad gets hold of the information, you've just handed him custody. 🤷‍♀️

Are you seriously dating someone you've been advised has a criminal history and is abusive, who has bought a tracker for your daughter? You are now failing to keep your daughter safe op.

Why are you still with this man? He is TROUBLE. You have the Clare’s Law notification. He has admitted that he is being prosecuted. Now he is trying to put a tracker on your DD? What more will it take for you to put a stop to this?

If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your DD. Get help, please contact Women’s Aid - you must end this. Don’t get into any more relationships until you have really unpacked your reactions and low boundaries via some kind of therapy.

Come on OP.
Open your eyes.
All the evidence is in front of you plain and clear.
You are putting yourself and your DD in danger.
Consider yourself kicked! Get out of this relationship and stay out of it.

I think the thing which bothers me the most is that you have to ASK

It's obvious that the man is an absolute wankstain

sorry if this is going to come across as harsh, but you are not a good parent. you are now failing your daughter, you need to set the bar far higher than this. very disappointing update.

Well she didn't block him and one of her last updates in August was asking if we thought he'd contact her, so it seemed obvious she wanted him to and for him to pick her up again.

Hopefully, OP might take note of the child protection issues. If her daughter's father finds out she's putting his child at risk, she'll have more to worry about than a criminal and abusive boyfriend.

You're going to have an awful lot of bother from social services about your daughter if you don't start putting her first.

If you can't do this for your own sake, do it for her.

Please get out.

If you were my daughter or sister and knew about the cps and the buying of a tracker for my dgd or dn I would seriously be considering contacting social services myself.

Are you seriously considering putting this abusive and dangerous and I sincerely mean it dangerous person above the safe guarding and well being of your daughter. You have had excellent advice here.
PLEASE PLEASE REREAD IT AND REREAD IT AGAIN AND GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM.
I'm sure your mum and sister will support you.

This, with bells on.

Absolutely sick of reading about women who put dick above their own children and I say that as someone who was in an abusive relationship before anyone starts about how hard it is to leave.

It is literally there in black and white that this man is dangerous, you are failing to protect your child and I hope someone has the sense to contact social services if you continue with this man.

A lucky escape
and he’s done the hard work !

no one wants to hear about exes either
he’s done it to mess you up and he’s succeeded

you can honestly do better than being with someone who makes you anxious all the time
its No way to live x

Just stop this. Put an end to the relationship once and for all.

You do not want a man like this in your life. He is seriously bad news. Dump him and don't let him back into your life again. If he starts becoming a nuisance, then go to the police. They'll sort him out. It isn't as if he is unknown to them.

Oh honey. Get yourself out before it's too late. You could have been almost 6 months down the line now but still can be in 6 months from now. You can find someone that won't treat you this way and will support you.

Fuck me, what are you doing. Wake up. You have a child FFS. Get rid of this man!

Thanks for all the posts.

I told my daughters dad the first time round as I asked for help with her so I could leave. He said he'd have to check if it fitted in with work. This was back in August.

It was stupid to believe current ex. He said he had gone to collect money owed hence the ongoing cps which I believed as I'd never seen any behaviour whilst I knew him. I'm sorry. This is bad. He also said he'd get counselling as he didn't realise how it came across. But it's happened again this time round and after calling it all out 2 weeks ago only response I've given to his messages is please give me things back and left it.

I've asked for items back and that is it when shirty ex tried to talk and no response at all so I've written it off now.

Block him.

Forget the things, just block him and never contact him again.

Think about contacting woman’s aid too, you deserve so much better but I’m concerned that your bar is set so low.

Do the work on yourself and then find someone worthy of you x

He will never ever give you all your things back. It's a useful way to keep you dangling, so what would be in it for him.

Yes, write them off and block him and get yourself some proper therapy for low self worth.

This is all pointless babble.

The guy is an abusive arsehole. You are keeping him your life, and therefore your children's lives.

You have enough common sense to post looking for advice in the first place so what the fucking fuck are you doing still entertaining this bastard?? Seriously??

He also talks about all his exes a lot. Sharing every details with me about sex and romance and it's always anytime I mention something we could do together as a couple. I've asked him to stop as it happens everytime

Rude, immature, crass, boring, yaps too much. What on earth is there to analyse or even miss about this absolute tool?

I had a good chat with my mum today and told her everything I could (I told her I had a disclosure but I can't provide her with the details of it).

She said to not talk to him at all. He hasn't made any attempts to contact me for five days so hopefully that's it now and he has accepted its over even if he won't give me things but that the things don't matter as long as he leaves me alone.

I'm going to contact women's aid tomorrow to find out how to proceed next to make sure nothing else happens but I think he will leave me alone now as if he wanted to contact he would try to.