Why did I look - I have opened pandora's box.

[KaySamuels]

Looked at DP's history on the computer tonight and really wisj I hadn't.

He is registered on an amateur porn site, he has picks of himself, a different email account, has been posting and reading messages. In his profile says he is bi seeking a bloke.

Feel sick and don't know what to do.
Couldn't be bothered to name change but really think I should. Keep looking at ds asleep on the sofa and just want to cry.

He has done something very simialr before and I buried my head in the sand. Feel such a fool.

I have got no useful suggestions but for you.

Don't know what I am going to do.

where is your DP? can you talk to him? so sorry, what a shock for you.. even if he has not done anything with anyone else, it is still a breach of trust and a terrible situation for you. is there a ~RL friend you can speak to right now?

Oh god my world is falling apart.

He is at a friends around the corner, his best friend happens to live with my best friend and they have a newborn so she is probably in bed - even if she could talk on the phone dp is there.

Last time I went to my mum's in the middle of the night, we don't get on great and I regretted going there and 'letting her in'.

oh dear. not sure what to suggest really. do you need to sleep on this or talk to him tonight? i suppose you need to think about what you want to do ... take care

I don't know what to do I can't think straight I am sobbing and shaking.

Even if I left would have to give families I mind for 4weeks notice.

Oh wish I could offer some sound advice but just not my area of "expertise".
You obviously need to talk to him but maybe not tonight ?
Can you arange for someone to have DS for a while to talk about it?

Doesn't matter why.

You have now.

I know that expat.

What will I say? - how can I trust him I have given him a chance before and look where it got me, just even more hurt.

We have ds he is beautiful and I feel so sad for him.

Don't think about leaving just yet-he hasn't murdered anyone-not that I am condoning what you appear to have found but you may just be able to work it through with the right discussion and perhaps counselling-that is if youwant to work it through.
If something similar has happened before as you alluded to then maybe this is your final straw?
Feel for you as have been in a similar situationn although resolved (never thought it ewas possible but it was[hopeful emoticon)

Oh KS - don't do anything immediately - you need time to think.
It may be just a fantasy he acts out in cyberspace without actually wanting it to happen. e.g. lots of women fantasise about being 'forced' to do things, but would not actually want this in real life.
You definitely need to talk to him though, your head must be all over the place. can you get hime to come home?
Would not tell your Mum for now. This may be something or nothing and would be very hard to come back from.
Really feel for you x

What was the 'similar' thing that happened before KS? - (if you can't say that's fine)

I don't know whoosh. I honestly don't know.

I can't see a way to get through it. He has been lying to me, he has broken promises. Maybe he wants me to leave. Maybe he is being a knob so I go and he is the vistim.

He will just bury his head in the sand and see what I do.

He did pretty much exactly the same thing. He was doing the same on another site, he wouldn't even admit to being bi when I asked him, said he did it to boost he confidence , just brushed it under the carpet. Told him I would leave if he hurt me again.

I didn't tell my mum last time, just said he had let me down - we have a very strained relationship, I tolerate her to be honest.

Put DS to bed, call your friends house. Get him home, tell him what you've found and ask him to leave while you work out what you want to do next. Tell him it's not necessarily permanent, just that you need him not to be there for a while.

You shouldn't even be thinking about leaving.

I can't just walk out anyway, I don't drive and I work from home. His home might I add.

This is a very sad situation for all of you, because it sounds like a deeper problem than the usual DH-wanting-sex-elsewhere. It sounds as though he may think he is bisexual or gay. Had you any previous suspicions of this? Is there anyone you can talk to about it before talking to your DP?

I just have mumsnet. I feel so alone.

Do you think he actually is bi? Sounds more like attention seeking behaviour to me. i.e. all the excitement with none of the physical consequences.
However, I don't think he has any idea of the emotional consequences and how much it would hurt you.
Maybe text him and say you need a chat in the morning, can someone have your ds for an hour or so?

You are never alone with Mumsnet

Yes I do jackstini and if he had been upfront I wouldn't have cared. He has denied, lied to me when asked, and then gone behind my back and done this.

Cyber hugs for you! How very sad. I've nothing practical to suggest beyond what others have, but remember, it could just be him fantasising......? He might not actually want to do anything about it? What do you mean, his home? And how old is DS?