DH choked me during fight

[Ana0404]

I've not really posted before but I am just not sure what to do right now. A couple of weeks ago my DH and I were having a few drinks when everything got out of control. He had been in a bad mood all day but I thought he had calmed down enough when we had a few drinks. However he suddenly became very angry and started shouting and screaming at me. He wasn't shouting about anything in particular he was just ranting. I went in the bedroom to try and get away when he pushed me onto the bed he got on top of me and started choking me. I was so scared I just froze I didn't even try and stop him. I'm not sure how long it went on but he suddenly stopped and started hitting himself in the face and screaming to me to hit him back. I refused and just held him until he stopped. In the morning he checked my neck to see if he had left any marks. He said ' I shouldn't have done that' and that was it. We have been together for 10 years and married for 5 years. I have a dd17 from a previous relationship who we have been raising together. He does sometimes push me when he is angry and he often throws things but nothing like this. After 2 weeks of refusing to talk about it he finally apologised and said he was sorry he scared me. I'm not sure if I should just accept the apology and try to move on from this or not.

Run as far and as fast as you can. Put your emotions to one side and sort out that part of you that caused you to feel a need to comfort HIM after his violent and unprovoked attack on you, from a safe distance. This is not a man who cares about you. He is manipulative. You are in DANGER. Or it might be your daughter he casually decides to choke next time. Sorry OP. I wish you well.

I'm so so glad you posted to ask for advice. No one will tell you to stay! Literally no one. I get that with the shock and hurt you can't currently see what is really obvious to everyone else. But please listen to everyone, you need to leave asap. x

You can choke someone to death in less than 5 minutes.

It doesn't take much for someone to do that "accidentally".

He might not intend to kill you but he easily could.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

It reaĺly is time to leave

This.

Please contact the national domestic abuse helpline and/or your local women's aid for advice about how to leave as safely as possible.

Fucking hell, that is really messed up, out of control behaviour. This is domestic violence that kills.
Leave or throw him out. And a non molestation order slapped on him ASAP. Do NOT risk your life, and your daughter’s.

I'm not sure if I should just accept the apology and try to move on from this or not.

Er, not.

Get the hell away before he kills you. What he did takes some serious anger.

You already know what you need to do. Be strong x

Leave him. Now. Yesterday.

This man is abusive. You are a victim of domestic violence. You should report this to police and you should apply for a non-molestation order so he can't come near you.

This is not a good man.

Find your courage and tell everyone.
Make this real.
Men who choke can and will kill.

What he did to you is basically attempted murder.

Keep yourself and your dd safe and get him out.

He does sometimes push me when he is angry and he often throws things

After 2 weeks of refusing to talk about it he finally apologised and said he was sorry he scared me

I'm sorry but you know this is not ok, and it will not get better. He has already escalated his behaviour, the next time it could be fatal. You know deep down you need to leave, for you and your daughter's sake. What if he attacks her next?

You do know that he checked your neck for marks because he didn't want anyone to know what happened, not because he was worried about you. He's protecting himself.

The fact that he followed you into the bedroom, pushed you on the bed and choked you means he intended to punish you. Either he can't control his anger, or he doesn't want to. Both of which are unacceptable.

And afterwards, he cunningly deflected from his behaviour by turning it on himself, so that after he attacked you, somehow you ended up comforting him!
Don't you see how warped that is?

He may well be genuinely sorry, but that will not prevent him from doing it again, with possibly lethal consequences.

This behaviour ALWAYS escalates.

It has already escalated.

How far are you willing to let it escalate any further?
Where’s your line?

The first glimpse of your partner showing you they don’t like you should be enough to make you want better.

Never have I hated a partner so much that I had to throw or punch things or physically put my hands on them.

Why stay with someone who obviously hates you?

Also - call women's aid.

"A person involved in a domestic violence attack of choking or strangulation is more than 750% more likely to be killed by their offender in the next year"

www.kob.com/archive/report-choking-strangulation-victims-750-more-likely-to-be-killed-by-offender/

Leave. Leave now. This isn't the kind of thing that will get better.

Please please please leave that utter bastard.

I knew a woman whose bloke used to push her about. It escalated to him choking her until she lost consciousness. She forgave him every time. He then started kicking and punching her, smashing things over her head. It went on for years, until one day when he split her lip again and broke her arm. She got rid in the end - but her children were traumatized for many years and grew up to be with violent partners.

Please don't do this any more - for the sake of your teenage daughter, if nothing else.

He tried to kill you and you held him after that. What is wrong with you???? He checked your kneck for marks why??? Because you would have evidence of his murderous intentions if he had marked you. Why did he hit himself then want you to hit him. Because he could tell the police you attacked him and he was restraining you.
Fgs op wise up he is going to KILL YOU KILL YOU KILL YOU. Do you understand that?get out now this second immediately leave with your daughter now. Please don't be another bulletin on your local news.
I suppose mnhq will delete this message but I dont care as long as you read it and act on it first.

Please leave. Thinking of you 💐

Non fatal strangulation is a separate criminal offence now under the Domestic Violence Act. There’s a reason for that. As others have said, it increases the risk of potential homicide. Please leave, call the police if you need support.

What on earth do you mean you don’t know what to do, the man’s violent please get away from him you and your daughter

OP please respond to all the posts. And I am saying exactly the same as everyone else - GET OUT!

Your husband got annoyed for no apparent reason and attempted to strangle you.

He lives with a 17 year old girl. I can remember being a 17 year old girl. They are often stroppy and irrational and undoubtedly very very annoying.

Please picture the following scene:-

1. Your Dd has a typical teenage strop whilst alone in the house in the house with your husband
2. He loses his temper and yells at her.
3. She yells back
4. He shoves her over and puts his hands around her throat
5. And squeezes
6. And squeezes
7. She can’t breathe
8. She is terrified
9. She freezes just like you did
10. She can’t breathE

Sorry. That was brutal. But if you are going to stay with him you have to be completely sure that that won’t happen. Because you are betting your life on it. And betting your dd’s life on it.

If you decide to stay with him is there anywhere else she can live so she will be safe?

Have a look at @countdeadwomen on Twitter. The amount of women killed by partners/ husbands is huge.

Please leave before you end up like one of these poor women.

A new offence of Non Fatal Strangulation has just become statue precisely because choking is such a high indicator of harm. He could have killed you. He could have caused damage to your spinal cord.
I work in this field and this is a huge red flag.