DH choked me during fight

[Ana0404]

I've not really posted before but I am just not sure what to do right now. A couple of weeks ago my DH and I were having a few drinks when everything got out of control. He had been in a bad mood all day but I thought he had calmed down enough when we had a few drinks. However he suddenly became very angry and started shouting and screaming at me. He wasn't shouting about anything in particular he was just ranting. I went in the bedroom to try and get away when he pushed me onto the bed he got on top of me and started choking me. I was so scared I just froze I didn't even try and stop him. I'm not sure how long it went on but he suddenly stopped and started hitting himself in the face and screaming to me to hit him back. I refused and just held him until he stopped. In the morning he checked my neck to see if he had left any marks. He said ' I shouldn't have done that' and that was it. We have been together for 10 years and married for 5 years. I have a dd17 from a previous relationship who we have been raising together. He does sometimes push me when he is angry and he often throws things but nothing like this. After 2 weeks of refusing to talk about it he finally apologised and said he was sorry he scared me. I'm not sure if I should just accept the apology and try to move on from this or not.

Get you and your DD away from him NOW.

That isn't a fight. That's attempted murder when utterly out of control with rage - towards you.

He will kill you. And maybe your DD too if she's in the house.

Honestly get out. Flee.

If your DD said a boyfriend had done this to her, would you be telling her to just accept his apology and move on?

My ex did that. I forgave him, he never showed any remorse but the thought that he would do it again I could never get over. That relationship is long gone now but im still traumatised by it.

Leave and don't look back.

How would you feel staying in this relationship and dd loses her mother to an angry 5 minutes where he chokes you.
I know it’s hard when you love someone and have built a life with them but this is an absolute red line. He could’ve killed you. You’re lucky he didn’t and might not be so lucky next time.
contact a domestic violence charity and get support to leave. Sorry this has happened but there’s no wiggle room or second chances here.

This man will kill you. That's how serious this is. He should be in fucking prison. Get yourself and your daughter away from him.

Police officer here

One of the DASH risk assessment questions is
"Has your partner ever tried to suffocate/ choke/strangle or drown you "

This is because along with other questions in the dash risk assessment it gives an indication of the risk you are at .

Rarely the answer is yes . It raises the risk level to you .

I would talk to womens aid at the very least - you say he pushes you and throws things - from that to choking you is quite an escalation.
Don't underestimate this op .
Me - I would leave or ask him to .
Police will support you if you want to involve them .

You are literally risking your life but staying. He would kill you even accidentally if they pressure is too much or he could do it deliberately if he's temper is out of control.

You are risking your life and your daughter being felt without her mum.

I don't believe you have any safe option other than leaving.

Please listen to what the above posters have said. He is capable of killing you. Given that he has already escalated from throwing things and pushing you, He will quite possibly kill you.

What will happen to your daughter? Please act NOW

Get the fuck out of there. Or call the police and tell them exactly what happened.

It’s so good that you have posted. You know this is very frightening and not ok and you are seeking help to confirm what your instincts are telling you. He has done a lot of work to make you not trust your instincts but you need to to stay safe.

I checked the statistic - there is a wordy paper that you don’t have to read but as others are saying it’s well known that men who choke women are much more likely to do it again and kill or attempt to kill them. What this research with hundreds of women says is that in 45% of attempted murders of partners, there had been previous choking incidents, and in 43% of completed murders. Those are high numbers, you are at risk. I know it’s scary but you are worth it. Please make plans to leave. Can you tel anyone in RL?

You have to leave, OP! And you have to report this to the police and request a no contact order!

I'm sorry! But as PP have accurately stated: this man may kill you if you do not!

I'm so sorry this is happening to you!

Choking is one of the biggest indicators for domestic murder. You need to leave him and report to police.

What would you say to your DD if this happened to her?

There's your answer. Good luck OP x

You have to leave. His violence will keep escalating and he will try to kill you.

Talk to Women's Aid. Talk to friends or family you can trust. Get your and your daughter's stuff together and leave asap.

This is terrifying. He is going to kill you, he is capable of it if he can choke you. Please leave, if not for your own sake - for your daughters. Hugs 💐

I would have left the first time he pushed me in anger let alone strangled me ! He could have killed you.

You need to leave.

You need to get away from him

There really should not be a woman alive who doesn't know that once his hands have been around your neck the odds massively increase of him killing you. The word really needs to get out there so that more women know this and can feel empowered and supported to assert strong boundaries.

OP - what is standing in your way of leaving this man? PLEASE don't believe that it won't happen to you because if nothing else your daughter deserves more than her mother rolling those dice on her behalf.

Op I hope you're ok. Please consider what the other posters have said and make plans to leave asap. Your relationship is over. It's not safe for you to stay there.

Leave him, he’ll end up killing you

It's not really an apology though is it. Or if you feel it is, it most certainly doesn't go far enough.

stating "I shouldn't have done that" the next day, or being sorry he "scared you" two weeks later falls far short of actually being sorry for having done it in the first place, or for having hurt you.

Either way, you confirmed he pushes you and has now escalated to strangulation. Any apology is likely to be words. As others have said you're at risk. Now he's taken that next step on from pushing to strangulation, he'll likely do it again.

Personally I'd leave. I absolutely wouldn't give him the heads up. Be safe and then let him know.

Get out with your daughter and don’t look back.

Can you call women’s aid for advice? And report what happened to the police.

He could kill you next time. Please protect you and your daughter.

Reach out to Victim Support op. I did about ten years ago and they were really good. They helped me with practical matters and connected me to a therapist who specialised in dealing with alcoholics because I'd been abused by an alcoholic.

Whatever you do, you must get away. Your daughter needs to come first

Another one saying you need to leave. Next step from strangulation is death and like others have said once he has strangled you odds of him killing you massively increase. You need to get out.

If he’d held on for a few more seconds you would be dead. You’re in a situation which is life threatening, take your daughter and leave, it doesn’t matter how hard it is to leave, you need to leave.

Op you need to leave as safely as you can. Do you have your own money? Family or friends you can talk to or stay with?