Do men not want to date women in their late 30s?

[onlinedatingsucks]

I am on a dating app - and I get one like a day. It has been years and years since I dated and I used to get so much more interest. Is it my age?

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@Watchthesunrise

Because good men, nice men, decent men, successful men, regardless of looks or any of that alpha or beta shit, they don't think like this.

Yes they do. My entire circle is nice, decent, highly-successful men and they all think like this.

OP, I'd go it alone. If you want a baby there are lots of ways to have a baby.

Well no, because if they were nice and decent they wouldn't think like that, obviously! It's a contradiction in terms.

[seaUrchinOne]

Not all men are looking for younger women, and not all women want an older man. I look for my age or younger, I've never had a problem finding a date online but as for finding a relationship, no one good enough yet. I'm early 40s.
I don't think it's your age, could it be photos or profile description?

Think about it, if they didn't want to date your age then they wouldn't show up in your searches at all.

[frozendaisy]

Look OP if you want a child and you are "late" 30s you might need another option than the "boy meets girl" and luckily nowadays with our amazing modern science and internet connections there are other options.

Meeting someone on your wavelength in the position to take a leap and with minimal time jump into lifelong familyhood is not impossible but an opportunity might not present itself in time.

You can have a child. But you might need a plan B. But that's cool as well.

[hoppp]

@onlinedatingsucks i feel for you, online dating is hard. I have to disagree with other posters though and say that I think lots of men who want a family are interested in your age bracket. Im a similar age. I think it has to do with the area you are in perhaps, are you going with a wide area? I would also be tempted to take a year off anyway because that will widen other searches for you probably, men do it all the time!

[SheeplessAndCounting]

The moral of the story is.. Before "falling pregnant" make DAMN DAMN sure the guy is not a loser / deadbeat / abusive / manchild

Sorry to hear you weren't happy growing up. However, your posts are childish and show you have zero idea about relationships.

Many people get screwed over by partners even if they are very careful choosing them, live with them for years, marry, then have children.

People change. People who everyone trusted who are successful and appeared to be family oriented suddenly do bad things. You are incredibly naive to characterise all single mothers as being like your own.

It seems that unfortunately your own experience has made you very misogynistic and you have zero respect for women - including your mother who did the hard work of raising you - rather than realising that your father was responsible equally for getting your mother pregnant and fucking off and leaving was his irresponsible, callous and selfish decision. He damaged your childhood and clearly also your emotional stability. Not her.

Maybe you should have more judgement of men who are shit human beings like your father, than the women who stick around and raise their children like your mother.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I think lots of men who want a family are interested in your age bracket."

The message that fertility goes down drastically after 35 has been do drummed into us, rightly or wrongly, I do think many men interested in having children will look for women under 35. It's what I would do if I were them too.

[Notmrsfitz]

When I was in my
late 30s and single I found it really hard - men
who were single wanted to date me and act like they were 18 again and just get drunk and have sex, wanted to take me out and it all seemed very fake and reliving youth because most of them
only saw their children at weekends and had all
this free spare time - whereas I was trying to hold my family together and be mum and dad.
I don’t think you’re missing much and maybe dating apps aren’t the place for you maybe try some groups or something out of your ordinary.

[frozendaisy]

They might in your mind be "beta losers" @SamWirral but still more of a man than you can clearly possibly understand.

[hoppp]

@Gwenhwyfar maybe that’s true but you do hear of people meeting over 35 and settling down and having a family - I know people myself that that’s happened to at work etc.

@onlinedatingsucks why don’t you test it out and put 34 just as a trial!

[RedWingBoots]

@seaUrchinOne

Not all men are looking for younger women, and not all women want an older man. I look for my age or younger, I've never had a problem finding a date online but as for finding a relationship, no one good enough yet. I'm early 40s.
I don't think it's your age, could it be photos or profile description?

Think about it, if they didn't want to date your age then they wouldn't show up in your searches at all.

OP hasn't got her male friend to see if he can find her easily using different search criteria.

There is no point being number 200 in someone's search results.

[RedWingBoots]

Plenty of older dads where I live.

I had one myself - though to be fair I have lots of siblings.

It's no big deal.

The main problem is the negative attitudes displayed on this thread by both sexes. fThere are men who only want to go out with women their own age or slightly older. They get snapped up very quickly through OLD. I'm with one and there are plenty in my social circles.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Lots of single women with children are perfectly capable of providing for their own "offspring"

From Gingerbread:
"Single parents’ finances are often tight. Single parent families face a particularly high risk of poverty compared with other households"

So while you may not like his attitude that he doesn't want to pay for someone else's children, it's not true that most single parents do very well with only their own resources.

[frozendaisy]

Actually @SamWirral you are just the type of male that stunts human progress. Paying for a child, any child, is the easy bit. What you don't understand is what children can give you. They bring new music, poetry and philosophy into your life. They challenge you as a human being to question the life lessons you are trying to display and teach them. They filter out all the nonsense online and show you the really fun and clever bits. They are a connection to the future. They are so much more than money can simply purchase. Whomever supplied the genetic material. Life is so much more interesting and colourful with amazing children in it. It really is. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks they are just an expensive inconvenience. Your life must be so shallow to arrive at that conclusion.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

I don't blame my real dad for buggering off..

especially when the woman is in her 30s and "past it"

There's your problem.

Yes, you are a misogynist.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

So while you may not like his attitude that he doesn't want to pay for someone else's children, it's not true that most single parents do very well with only their own resources.

I didn't say that most do. I said plenty do. So making assumptions and generalisations is naive and insulting. Do we think it's ok to make such generalisations about other groups in society, or just single mothers?

[D0lphine]

I think the trolls may have got to this thread.

[wh00pi]

I don't blame my real dad for buggering off.. I know male and understand nature, especially young male nature, we just wanna spread it around so to speak.

You're talking about women's poor life choices - your dad made terrible life choices and is a deadbeat by your own admission. Ewww to spreading it around yeuck

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@wh00pi

I don't blame my real dad for buggering off.. I know male and understand nature, especially young male nature, we just wanna spread it around so to speak.

You're talking about women's poor life choices - your dad made terrible life choices and is a deadbeat by your own admission. Ewww to spreading it around yeuck

Grim isn't it. 🤢

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@D0lphine

I think the trolls may have got to this thread.

Yeah not sure how this misogynist is helping the OP really.

[anthurium]

@onlinedatingsucks

Have you considered going it alone Op?

I'm a solo mother by choice (IVF using a sperm donor) and was OLD between the ages of 36-38/39. It was a rather grim, depressing and soul destroying experience even though I'd managed to meet two nice men and have brief relationships with them (both were at different life stages to me).

To cut a long story short, during COVID I realised I need to take the bull by its horns and go it alone. Time was against me and I just couldn't emotionally fathom any more dates that would most likely end in a failure.

I was extremely fortunate to have conceived on the first try aged 39 and had a textbook pregnancy and birth. Now that my son is here, I feel so blessed and grateful. He is wonderful! My life is unrecognisable to what it was a two years ago,which was angst and sadness that I may never experience being a parent. I am also relieved I never have to do OLD to look for a partner to settle down with. I have my family now, and although life is very full on at the moment and emotionally intense, I do think in the future I'd like to try the apps again not to look for a "pseudo" daddy for my son, but rather a romantic partner just for me.

Time isn't on your side Op, and nobody can guarantee that you'd conceive easily. My only regret is not having done it sooner.

Have you had any fertility tests done?

[Longdistance]

In my circle of friends most of those in their late 30’s/early 40’s were married and with dc. Not many were single/divorced.
It narrows it down to those who want an affair or had a messy break up in marriage/after having young kids tbh.

[hoppp]

@SamWirral OP doesn’t need to swipe on someone she thinks is a 6/10. How rude.