Do men not want to date women in their late 30s?

[onlinedatingsucks]

I am on a dating app - and I get one like a day. It has been years and years since I dated and I used to get so much more interest. Is it my age?

[SamEngland]

Ok. I will be in blunt, because hats how I was brought up.

Masculine quality men I not want

[Gwenhwyfar]

"a job would be defined as turning up at one place, do your 9-5 then go home and forget about it until tomorrow"

That's what my job is because I work 9-5, but there are plenty of people who have jobs that are not careers, but who work nights or anti-social hours.

[HowlongWillThisTakeNow]

There's a marked difference between a career and a job. A career is a lifelong endeavor a part of your personal identity and a job is something you do solely for money. I run a business but it's still just a vehicle to earn money. No more no less.
I think it's very difficult to be wholly present in a full-time relationship-career and a family.

yep I would agree with this, I’ve had a 30 year career in one industry that has allowed me to change jobs, travel be my own boss, earn a lot of money but I have also had to work away, work nights, work long and unsocial hours be on call, commute (a lot), and it affects every aspect of a relationship.
to my way of thinking, a job would be defined as turning up at one place, do your 9-5 then go home and forget about it until tomorrow

[plinkypots]

This thread is a prime example of why Mumsnet could use more active moderation. There's no reason for personal insults and attacks simply because they people disagree. It derails the thread and drives away posters who might contribute something thoughtful. I realise the old way of moderation with a very light touch used to work 15 years ago but it simply doesn't anymore. We are getting less and less witty well reasoned debate. It descends into passive aggressive bullshit/name calling so fast now. It's just a shame.

[Lookingoutside]

‘Lol. I'll tell my friends who are struggling with their fertility in their 40s is "bollocks"’

Don’t be so ridiculous.

[LaSevillana]

Oh dear....let me break it down a bit further....the point is I'm NOT 'too old', am I? IRL I get asked out all the time and I still get loads of attention. Because that's how attraction is supposed to work - not by setting weird arbitrary filters that don't actually matter much. The exact same as filtering out a men who are less than 6 feet tall and then meeting your soulmate down the pub who's 5'11. The entire concept of using filters to screen people out is going to hinder more than it helps, in most cases.

I wouldn't be too smug, love. I know someone who was like you, feeling all smug and superior because she got married to her uni boyfriend at 30, doling out patronising advice and insults to her single friends. She's now 43 and on a dating app and very much regretting some of the things she previously thought and said.

[LaSevillana]

Being married makes you MORE likely to be a pickme, not less.

My life is a 'car crash'? LOLLLL....the only thing I'd like that I don't have is an amazing partner. I could have a ring on my finger tomorrow if I put up with some of the absolute shit most of you do.

Have you ever heard the expression 'pride comes before a fall', BTW? You're attracting some seriously bad karma right now. Let's hope you're not bitterly regretting your nasty, smug words a few years from now, eh?

[LaSevillana]

What are you on about?

Why does it bother you so much that a woman dares to offend herself against a completely ridiculous attack on a totally reasonable, rational point of view? Are you a pickme who just giggles nervously when you're patronised and put down?

[Musttryharder2021]

@Lookingoutside

It isn’t your age. All this talk of accumulating baggage and dwindling fertility is total fucking bollocks.

Search up Cindy Gallop on Instagram and Spotify.

Lol. I'll tell my friends who are struggling with their fertility in their 40s is "bollocks"

[LaSevillana]

@Hrpuffnstuff1

There's a marked difference between a career and a job. A career is a lifelong endeavor a part of your personal identity and a job is something you do solely for money. I run a business but it's still just a vehicle to earn money. No more no less.
I think it's very difficult to be wholly present in a full-time relationship-career and a family.
There are always trade-offs. It's a natural trilemma.

Not really. I think that's just brainwashing. Good luck being able to support yourself and have any kind of standard of living somewhere like London with 'just a job'. You need be earning a minimum of about £50K now for a modest quality of life as a single person - renting a studio/one bed (and that'll be nearly half your take home pay), paying for bills, transport, eating well, having some money left over for a few treats.

You make it sound as if 'just a vehicle to earn money' is some small thing and a career is a choice. It isn't.

[Hrpuffnstuff1]

@LaSevillana

Weird hill to die on...who cares? The point is that women, just like men, need to make money and pay the bills. That's why I hate the term 'career woman' so much. It implies there's an alternative to supporting yourself and keeping yourself alive. Imagine rocking up to a date as a 29-year-old woman and telling the man you've never worked and have been working on finding a husband? That he'll have to pay for everything because you don't have any money of your own? How well would that go down? So we're expected to find this magical balance of working hard and focusing on work and making good money but also not focusing too much on work? Building a career while also investing in a long-term relationship? Enjoying our twenties and doing travel and partying before it's time to have kids? All of this by 30ish, while paying extortionate levels of rent and trying to figure out who we are?

When I think of the climate of outright misogyny and sexism I grew up in, I actually feel a little bit sick. Men aren't called 'career men' for trying to find decent jobs. Men aren't shamed for focusing on work in their twenties. Men aren't constantly told the clock is ticking and they need to get a move on with starting a family when they're just trying to enjoy their twenties and early thirties. Being a woman is fucking horrible. Can't think of one single positive about it. Not one. If I could click my fingers and become a man right now, I'd love to.

There's a marked difference between a career and a job. A career is a lifelong endeavor a part of your personal identity and a job is something you do solely for money. I run a business but it's still just a vehicle to earn money. No more no less.
I think it's very difficult to be wholly present in a full-time relationship-career and a family.
There are always trade-offs. It's a natural trilemma.

[LaSevillana]

Yep. IRL I get approached by men as young as mid twenties, flirting and asking me out. Many of them think I'm late twenties at most. On the apps, my age seems to make me an old grandmother, even for men who don't want children. I'm filtered out because of my age. Goes to show how stupid and artificial it all is.

[Lookingoutside]

It isn’t your age. All this talk of accumulating baggage and dwindling fertility is total fucking bollocks.

Search up Cindy Gallop on Instagram and Spotify.

[LaSevillana]

@Musttryharder2021

Can we also stop saying (all) women are progressing their careers? A lot of people regardless of gender aren't in "careers" but jobs. I know it's not the point of the last few posts but it really grinds me that single life is equated to career building, what about just going to work and earning money?

Weird hill to die on...who cares? The point is that women, just like men, need to make money and pay the bills. That's why I hate the term 'career woman' so much. It implies there's an alternative to supporting yourself and keeping yourself alive. Imagine rocking up to a date as a 29-year-old woman and telling the man you've never worked and have been working on finding a husband? That he'll have to pay for everything because you don't have any money of your own? How well would that go down? So we're expected to find this magical balance of working hard and focusing on work and making good money but also not focusing too much on work? Building a career while also investing in a long-term relationship? Enjoying our twenties and doing travel and partying before it's time to have kids? All of this by 30ish, while paying extortionate levels of rent and trying to figure out who we are?

When I think of the climate of outright misogyny and sexism I grew up in, I actually feel a little bit sick. Men aren't called 'career men' for trying to find decent jobs. Men aren't shamed for focusing on work in their twenties. Men aren't constantly told the clock is ticking and they need to get a move on with starting a family when they're just trying to enjoy their twenties and early thirties. Being a woman is fucking horrible. Can't think of one single positive about it. Not one. If I could click my fingers and become a man right now, I'd love to.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

All careers are just jobs, unless you start your own business.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@Musttryharder2021

Can we also stop saying (all) women are progressing their careers? A lot of people regardless of gender aren't in "careers" but jobs. I know it's not the point of the last few posts but it really grinds me that single life is equated to career building, what about just going to work and earning money?

That's what people with careers do, too? Very few people I know are doing it because they think it's fun.

[Musttryharder2021]

Can we also stop saying (all) women are progressing their careers? A lot of people regardless of gender aren't in "careers" but jobs. I know it's not the point of the last few posts but it really grinds me that single life is equated to career building, what about just going to work and earning money?

[SheeplessAndCounting]

And also, what do you propose women do then? Marry someone entirely unsuitable because they are almost 30? Dedicate their 20s to finding someone suitable, rather than enjoying single life and progressing their careers?

I have a friend who was in a LTR from mid-20s. They bought a house together. Tried for a baby. Were about to start IVF and then he fucked off when she was 37.

Your smugness is disgusting. Many people get screwed over. It doesn't mean they don't "have any sense".

[SheeplessAndCounting]

Newflash: women can be settled and pay off a mortgage without a man. 😧😧

[SheeplessAndCounting]

I do this the question should be why would women in their late 30s consider dating a man?