Do men not want to date women in their late 30s?

[onlinedatingsucks]

I am on a dating app - and I get one like a day. It has been years and years since I dated and I used to get so much more interest. Is it my age?

[RedWingBoots]

@hotandspicy on this thread you are a freak.

[Pyewhacket]

@onlinedatingsucks

They might be worries you are in the last chances of trying for a baby? Well, I am. With the right man.

Would he be involved in that decision process ?.

[hotandspicy]

@RedWingBoots

@hotandspicy on this thread you are a freak.

in a good or bad way.. not sure a freak is usually classed as a compliment.

if its the later, im not sure, my own experience is attraction is people having similar likes and views to yourself, the physical side only plays a part so far.

Whoever the OP was asking about dating, try and keep the faith, there are plenty of wrong uns online, but theres also a lot of decent guys about too looking for relationships too, being late 30s shouldnt be a negative to dating someone or not, its not something that would of ever crossed my mind tbh.

[Hrpuffnstuff1]

@onlinedatingsucks

I am on a dating app - and I get one like a day. It has been years and years since I dated and I used to get so much more interest. Is it my age?

You're competing against other women. The men will have other options.
My parameter were 30-50 on Tinder and Bumble. I had lots of matches from women 30-37.
I was 44.

Saying that some men don't even get 1 like every 3 months.😂

[DancingUnderTheLights]

It's depressing. I remember being 27 and being made to feel past it with dating as men around my age didn't want someone my age and then I'd get messages online from men in their 40s and their preferred age was 18-25 on their profile.

It's difficult as you don't want to mess around so I'm not sure about being upfront or not about wanting a baby.

[Wouldloveanother]

My single friend (early 30s) said all the good men are snapped up by mid 20s, and I think there’s some truth in that. I think the cannier girls find somebody in their 20s and hang on to them.

[RedWingBoots]

@hotandspicy good way.

You are "normal" in my circles.

[RedWingBoots]

@Hrpuffnstuff1 that means the algorithms have been set up to give you dates in the 30-37 age group even though you may have happily gone out with someone exactly your own age.

My DP found this e.g. all the women he was matched with were a few years younger. So he "hacked" the algorithms and ended up with me who is the same age.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

You're competing against other women. The men will have other options.

Why would someone's age be the criteria to "compete" on? I genuinely find this baffling, given that every single human gets older. They don't all become more intelligent or kind or funny or successful or interesting or wealthy or tall or whatever else. So it's the most bizarre possible criterion to focus on when choosing a partner.

[Hrpuffnstuff1]

@SheeplessAndCounting

You're competing against other women. The men will have other options.

Why would someone's age be the criteria to "compete" on? I genuinely find this baffling, given that every single human gets older. They don't all become more intelligent or kind or funny or successful or interesting or wealthy or tall or whatever else. So it's the most bizarre possible criterion to focus on when choosing a partner.

That's the nature of apps.

@RedWingBoots
I'm not so sure, the same happened in real life.
I did match-date across all the age ranges.
I look pretty young for my age group.
I'm athletic and not an ounce of fat either.

[OldFan]

As we get older we get less conventionally attractive at some point than our younger selves.

Youth also has sexual/social currency unfortunately.

[OldFan]

Why would someone's age be the criteria to "compete" on? I genuinely find this baffling, given that every single human gets older. They don't all become more intelligent or kind or funny or successful or interesting or wealthy or tall or whatever else. So it's the most bizarre possible criterion to focus on when choosing a partner.

@SheeplessAndCounting It's not the only criteria people are considering when looking for a potential mate/date. But for most people it is one of them- most of us would probably rule out a 90 year old guy for instance.

I'm 45 and wouldn't want a man much older than me as I want one with attractiveness and sexual functioning (I know people can have those things at any age, but the older men get the more the chance of looking wizened and impotence increases.)

[RedWingBoots]

@Hrpuffnstuff1 I suspect once you started triggering the interest of women who were 37 or under, the app just showed you more of the same.

I noticed when I was looking once I started going out with guys 5+ year younger than me thats all I got. I had to "reset" to get older guys who were within 2 years of my age and during my reset I found my DP. In rl I tended to go out with my own age group.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@OldFan

Why would someone's age be the criteria to "compete" on? I genuinely find this baffling, given that every single human gets older. They don't all become more intelligent or kind or funny or successful or interesting or wealthy or tall or whatever else. So it's the most bizarre possible criterion to focus on when choosing a partner.

@SheeplessAndCounting It's not the only criteria people are considering when looking for a potential mate/date. But for most people it is one of them- most of us would probably rule out a 90 year old guy for instance.

I'm 45 and wouldn't want a man much older than me as I want one with attractiveness and sexual functioning (I know people can have those things at any age, but the older men get the more the chance of looking wizened and impotence increases.)

Of course it's relevant. But some of the male posters here have implied it is the most important criteria, which is bizarre given that it is the only characteristic of any person that is guaranteed to change. Whereas other desired qualities may changed for better or worse (financial situation, kindness, sense of humour, mental stability, health etc) and some are unchangeable (height, eye colour or whatever).

So to weight heavily the one characteristic that is guaranteed to be temporary seems very illogical and weird to me.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@OldFan

As we get older we get less conventionally attractive at some point than our younger selves.

Youth also has sexual/social currency unfortunately.

I think most people are far more attractive at 35 than 25. I suppose people who do not think attraction is just about physical appearance. In fact many people look better at 35 as well, male and female!

If it is to do with shallow idiots choosing dates based on appearances alone - and liking the look of someone a decade or more younger than them 🤮 - then it must be a great filter to ensure people aren't matched with shallow, boring men.

[MsTSwift]

Also how does it work then there we not enough 21 year olds for every man of all ages and most of that age bracket will not be deemed attractive enough anyway youth notwithstanding the remainder unlikely to be interested so what all the men on dating sites basically have a pool of about 10 women! Good luck with that!

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Wouldloveanother

My single friend (early 30s) said all the good men are snapped up by mid 20s, and I think there’s some truth in that. I think the cannier girls find somebody in their 20s and hang on to them.

None of the good catch men I know were snapped up by mid 20s. By mid 30s yes.
I think you're right that there's some truth in it (and if we accept that, we have to accept that it's true about 'all the good women' too).

[Gwenhwyfar]

@MsTSwift

Also how does it work then there we not enough 21 year olds for every man of all ages and most of that age bracket will not be deemed attractive enough anyway youth notwithstanding the remainder unlikely to be interested so what all the men on dating sites basically have a pool of about 10 women! Good luck with that!

The graph shown by another poster above was just about which age men think women are most attractive at, not which age they are trying to date. I don't think most 50 year old men are actively trying to date 21 year olds, but they might be trying to date 35 year old women which begs the question of what women over 40 can do and the obvious answer is men in their 60s, which most 40 something women wouldn't want...
There will also be men who try to find younger women and find they can't so will then go for slightly older women, but apparently online dating creates a false sense of vast opportunities, the kid in a sweet shop experience.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I remember an anthropology programme on TV years ago. They showed men and women in a skating rink. All the men, however attractive, first went for the most attractive women and when rejected then lowered their standards and went for the other ones leaving only the most attractive men with the most attractive women. Obviously an over simplification, but it's something I see in my own life all the time. The prettier and younger women in a group are the ones who get offered drinks by all types of men of all ages and attractiveness. The young, pretty women just think the men are being nice until they get a bit older themselves.

[lljkk]

I've never been to a skating rink that serves alcohol. Where can I find such a rare thing ? I go to skate, of course, not to be picked up. Being sozzled on skates sounds like bad idea, on 2nd thought !

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@OldFan

Why would someone's age be the criteria to "compete" on? I genuinely find this baffling, given that every single human gets older. They don't all become more intelligent or kind or funny or successful or interesting or wealthy or tall or whatever else. So it's the most bizarre possible criterion to focus on when choosing a partner.

@SheeplessAndCounting It's not the only criteria people are considering when looking for a potential mate/date. But for most people it is one of them- most of us would probably rule out a 90 year old guy for instance.

I'm 45 and wouldn't want a man much older than me as I want one with attractiveness and sexual functioning (I know people can have those things at any age, but the older men get the more the chance of looking wizened and impotence increases.)

But people aren't talking here about a 30-40 YO woman dating a 90 YO guy. They are talking about people expecting to date people a similar age to them. No some weird, creepy thing of men wanting to date women who are young enough to be their daughters. Yuk.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

The graph shown by another poster above was just about which age men think women are most attractive at, not which age they are trying to date. I don't think most 50 year old men are actively trying to date 21 year olds, but they might be trying to date 35 year old women which begs the question of what women over 40 can do and the obvious answer is men in their 60s, which most 40 something women wouldn't want...

There will also be men who try to find younger women and find they can't so will then go for slightly older women, but apparently online dating creates a false sense of vast opportunities, the kid in a sweet shop experience.

But all of this is based on a presumption that younger is more attractive. Why do men think this applies to women but not to them?

[lucifur]

@SheeplessAndCounting Because it doesn't and we know this from studying mate choice in humans. Plenty of younger women will go for an older but more powerful/richer man. The reverse simply isn't true the majority of the time.

[SheeplessAndCounting]

@lucifur

@SheeplessAndCounting Because it doesn't and we know this from studying mate choice in humans. Plenty of younger women will go for an older but more powerful/richer man. The reverse simply isn't true the majority of the time.

That's because of a load of internalised misogynism and learned helplessness. It's not an evolutionary, unchangeable thing. In fact from an evolutionary persoective older men are not ideal. So that whole pattern is down to socioeconomics and ingrained prejudices, not biology.