No one is debating whether having a relationship makes life easier or not - of course it does. However, when you're dating and trying to get someone to committ to you, your approach and how you come across matters most. So while people here might prioritise practical applications of a relationship over the warm, fuzzy stuff like love – how does that attitude come across to your date in real life? Because I imagine no one is that good a faker that their real motivations don’t show eventually. I believe that most decent men (and I can only speak for them as I date men) want someone who makes them feel good, loved and whom they fancy like mad. They're not as analytical as women, they do prioritise things like attraction and how they feel in your presence. Do they feel relaxed and cared about, like they can be themselves, or on edge and restless. Does the woman feel like home, is one I've heard my male friends mention a lot. Hence the mail order bride industry, not mail order groom, and why men seem to care less about a woman’s earnings.
So what a lot of men want is to fall in love. Love is critical to all these benefits relationships unlock because that is what makes a man commit to you, over someone else. They're not assessing bank statements or your spending habits after all. Lifetime commitment to share finances, home, life/kids etc requires love. It might be inconvenient to think about because it's fluffy and not rational, but you can't get away from it. If love wasn't important we'd all be making this commitment to friends and flatmates. Love is not enough on its own, but it's the first step to any relationship.
A woman who see financial stability and security as the driving force for a relationship is not going to make a man fall in love. It will come across cold and calculating. They aren't falling in love with the idea of cheaper rent or nicer holidays. They're falling in love with your looks, attitude to life and essence, and an essence that sees them as an asset isn't going to do that. And the other stuff is a natural bonus. Just like it's off-putting if they meet a woman who's primary reason for dating is to have a father for her kids. Or someone who wants a green card. All valid practical reasons, but they aren't going to generate love or commitment.
When you go for a job interview, you may want the job only for the money. But you'll pretend to the interviewer you’re passionate about it, love their culture blah blah. Now it’s easy to pretend for a few interviews. But with dating it’s a non stop, long term interview that you can’t fake. Even if you say all the right things, people can sense what you really feel. Most people want love, and want to be with someone they think is capable of loving them and understanding them – their layers, vulnerabilities etc. They figure that out from non verbal cues, questions you ask, your general view of the world, a feeling they get etc.
So we can all debate till blue in the face why people want relationships, what reasons are valid or not, but the opinion of internet strangers doesn’t matter
- what matters is what the man YOU want, wants from a relationship.
It’s easy to forget it’s not just about you, their needs, wants, feelings matter too. And I sincerely believe that if more woman really understood the men they date better (and not just assume they want exactly what you do), they’d have more success with the whole thing. If you ask around, I think you’ll find that fewer men would say financial stability/security/ease as their #1 reason to date. It may be a reason, but not the driving force.