Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Totally understandable…😊

That’s hope for me @lesgalettes ! Sounds lovely

Mr Serious/never married wants to meet - I’m thinking coffee, as I’m not sure?

Thanks @GoldenMirror @Mila14 @Signoramarella he really is lovely and seems very keen too, and we have a real chemistry. I think what also makes it work for me is that he is great at communicating, there are no games and we speak every day. The only problem is now I am getting too invested and have started to worry about how upset I'll be if we split, but I guess that's the problem about getting involved, and this is my first relationship after a v long marriage. I've now come off Bumble so no back up plan or other options....

lesgalettes

ahhh ! I think everyone is scared
of getting hurt and heartbroken

but that’s lovely to hear

as for getting too invested
Jesus don’t we all ? I certainly do and did

stay happy

I’m a man free zone

not only have I broken up with Balkan (properly and finally )
I’ve also fallen out with both my texting man friends
and an old female friend

nuclear week 💔

but , shit happens
doesn’t it just

Has anyone just done a no
strings type thing from online dating? Might suit me fine! But I get suspicious

I didn’t mean that to sound sleazy 😳

@GoldenMirror quite a few have done fwb with old meets - I would have with Mr local but it never really got off the ground but that was after "knowing" him for a couple of years after our first ever date. My only other fwb was a friend I made in "real life".

@Thisisworsethananticpated Go you, sonetimes we just have to clear out those people who don't enhance our lives any longer.

@GoldenMirror I have, 4 years ago when I split from my husband I was on dating sites looking for fun. I met loads of people and some became FWB (one lasted 14mths). I then found Fab and joined there and found Mr K, we started off as FWB but fell into a relationship which ended 5 weeks ago.
I'm currently on the hunt for an FWB but it's not going great.
Happy to answer any questions....

SortingItOut

ah you are on an FWB search
good luck
what sites ?

are you emotionally ready ? Is a FWB what you need right now ? Tread carefully x

im in a funny headspace where I think I want a manly husband to look after me !!!

hence whilst I digest I’m staying celibate and thinking 🤔

that bloody books changed me so much !!!

@SortingItOut I'm on Fab and Feeld.
I think I'm emotionally ready, I'm in a good place right now. I love sex but I don't want a relationship just yet.
I'm also very good at keeping emotions out of sex hence I had long term FWBs before I got with Mr K.

I'm so pleased the book has helped, I must continue reading it so I continue to remain in a good space.

Interesting thoughts on wanting a manly husband...I hope you find him!!

SortingItOut

it’s not necessarily I want an alpha male
but I’m such a fucking Florence

and actually I want to get someone who looks after me too

I’ve always been the strong one
and I’m tired

i wish you equal luck to get laid
I suspect your goal is more achievable than mine !!!

@Thisisworsethananticpated I totally get you, with my ex husband I was a Florence and vowed not to go there again.
I thought Mr K was perfect as he had his life together and didn't need fixing but alas he was still emotionally unavailable.
When I get to the naming part of the book I'll find out what I was with him....

Maybe next time I'll do it right🤞

You definitely deserve someone who can care for you and look out for you💓

SortingItOut

is mr K still sniffing round ? He was when you last posted before holidays

part of me desperately wants Balkan to text to show he cared

part of me doesn’t as deep down I know a clean break is best and he will a NEVER change

this 💔💔 sucks

I'm glad you see that... because of course a text doesn't show that he cared, actions would show that and not a quick text. It's been a complete revelation to me to realise that someone texting me is often nothing to do with how they feel about me but how comfortable they are with silences, or with incomplete communication for example... on the one hand you have someone who can't handle difficult conversations and so ghosts, on the other hand you have people pleasers who feel like they're being mean if they don't respond. In both cases they're doing what works for them and their hang ups and it's nothing to do with their actual feelings towards me.

I do think Balkan cared btw, but that doesn't mean he will ever change - that's the painful thing isn't it, to have to accept that actually they are not 'selling' the thing we're looking to 'buy'.

@Thisisworsethananticpated what you are feeling is difficult because you are remembering how great it was when it was going well between you and maybe feeling frustrated that it couldn’t be that way all the time. I also think Balkan probably cared about you in his own way but couldn’t be something that he wasn’t. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and think is there a valid reason why this person isn’t offering me what I need ? Was there anything stopping Balkan being in a committed relationship with you? Relationships can become highly addictive and I know I find it very difficult to walk away because I always imagine that if I keep making extra effort the person will change. This is happening to a certain degree for me with Mr V but it was definitely the case with my FWB Mr Cocky.

Thanks
to be fair it’s a lot easier processing this at the wise age of 49
im more self aware and can see the wood for the trees

and it’s really shit as I liked him and miss him and had some good times with him

but I’m not the first
not the last
I’ll feel better soon

how soon ? any statistical evidence out there

It’s always rubbish @Thisisworsethananticpated . I’m 52 and smarting after making myself split with a nice guy who wasn’t on the same page.

@SortingItOut thanks! I’m in a dilemma, a guy has matched with me on a dating site, he’s funny, and very open about wanting to meet for sex when he doesn’t have his teenage kids. It sounds tempting, but is it too good to be true? I would like a bit of fun, with no responsibilities or angst!

GoldenMirror

no it’s not too good to be true 😂😂
plenty of men who want casual
good luck
don’t get emotionally attached ……

@GoldenMirror I think it may be something worth trying to see if it suits you!

I’ve learned if I’m shagging someone I like enough to be sleeping with in the first place, if I’m not seeing anyone else I will get overly attached. Currently in early stages of trying that with someone in a non-exclusive way and that seems so far to be much better for my particular brain/emotional style.

@GoldenMirror I hear you, sex with the fwb man ( men!) is easy if you can do it in a non emotional way. Not until this year have I personally been able to achieve this. Im 51! Had a variety of ' experiences' all good, worthwhile, and satisfying.

When I meet someone that takes my breath away, of course its impossible to do fwb without falling for them, as I learnt from experience.

Currently not dating anymore my last date ( Mr F) as he said some weird stuff and was toooo intense. I wanted casual summer fling, non committal, he wanted full on relationship and then got arsey ( why haven't you responded to my texts etc after 2 hours) so am going to give him up, do not need that pressure!

Back to the fwb situ, so easy, breezy, and there when I want it!

@Thisisworsethananticpated .. 💐 for you…. I don’t think you’ll go back this time 💕

@SortingItOut good luck in meeting a nice hunky fwb out there 🥰

Well… I’ve spoken to Mr No Strongs on the phone, and a bit of a frisson. He’s very , ahem, open. I’ve set my boundaries as regards smutty messaging etc and he’s respected that. He’s suggested meeting for a coffee, and then his place, all during the day. Is this madness?

ButterflyOfShay
thanks xxx

got totally shit faced with work
ergo now 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭