Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I was widowed a fair few years ago. I have written about this a number of times so I won’t repeat myself. I will simply say that every widow/er will respond to it differently. Their relationship with the late partner and the circumstances of the death may impact how they feel about dating or how soon they are ‘ready’. My subsequent experience of dating widowers ( I think our mutual loss drew us to each other ) was that they were some of the nicest guys I met. One was clearly still grieving, others were further along with the journey.
I still talk about my husband, there are one or two photos of him in the house. His daughters live here and he’s an important part of all of our lives.

@Stepcount …wow thank you for this. I didn’t know you lived with his daughters. Do you also have kids yourself? I think it’s wonderful you live with them and have a lovely home with your mixed family.
I think in a way you widowers have had a different experience about marriage. Many of us had awful husbands that even today make our life difficult. I don’t have a single pic of him ( only a few with my kids when they were babies) nothing else. I erased my honeymoon pics with him and I don’t have the wedding pics either bar 2 or 3 with my friends and family ). We don’t have nice feelings in our hearts like you or him about our spouses.

@Mila14 sorry my clumsy wording has confused you. By saying ‘his daughters’ live here I was trying to explain partly the reason why there would still be photos of my late husband in the house. They are in fact our daughters but because he was their dad and this is their home I wouldn’t want to upset them by removing any trace of him from our home.

Of course @Stepcount …I get it now. He’s part of your life forever . It’s a beautiful thing and you have been able to fall in love with someone else ( Mr V)

Stepcount

I didn’t know that . Xx And great advice you gave mila
everyone is different
I’m sorry though , cannot have been easy for you and your girls

Mila14
busy lady ! Is this all hinge ?
you have nothing to lose
as you said , it’s a change from the usual ‘hate my ex’ dynamic 😁 toxicity

@NervesOfCotton I'm weary because my ex boyfriend said he wanted a family with me, only for him to decide that he didn't love me further down the line. For that reason, I always try and deflect questions about the future from irons.

Thank you for your lovely comments about my studying. It's my second time doing this particular course. I had to withdraw last time because of illness ❤️

Don’t worry…sometimes we need a second time to get things just right. You will be fine this time. Your ex boyfriend wasn’t the right guy for you then. You will meet a lovely guy and have a family if you want. The important thing is you being well and happy 🥰

Hi Worsy …one hinge one bumble. But I’m really not looking. I’m in incognito mode too. But this guy ( Mr O) …I don’t know… something about him…so I clicked first and he immediately clicked back. It’s unbelievably easy to chat with him. He’s not lovey dovey, just interesting guy. But we talked about really serious stuff from the off. Nothing superficial. We’ll see how it progresses
After the experience with Mr Wall, I need to make sure people are available for real and as Stepcount says, it all depends on the grieving point of life he’s going through. But I still want to meet him 😊

Mila14

with wall you had a nice connection.
i know it didn’t turn into what you want 😭
but it’s still nice you had that and can see it’s possible?
even if it was disappointing

Better to have connected
than never connect you know

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I'm so sorry you went through that. I had that with my first serious relationship. It's awful isn't it.

I applaud anybody getting out there & studying, it's something I've never been able to do.x

Mila MrO sounds nice!
My mum actually dated a widower too... He seemed lovely until they went back to his & he did have a kind of shrine to her behind a curtain or something (can't remember details but it made her run a mile!)

Indeed! I know some people go through life never risking but I’m glad there’s nice people out there

Hi, please can I join in? Back on the dating sites at 52 as a distraction from a recent split, nothing bad, he just had got set in his ways and didn’t want to do new things. I want to enjoy life while I’m not too decrepit! I met him on tinder a few years ago.

Anyway, I’ve been on tinder and hinge. Hinge seems really quiet? Chatting with a guy from tinder but he’s about the same age as me, never married or kids so slightly wary.

Advice on here before was to meet quickly after matching rather than long period of chat??

And any other tips?

Oh, and last guy was a widower and no issues with that part of it 😊

@GoldenMirror , I would not make rules with time to meet. Sometimes I can meet someone earlier , sometimes it takes week or 2. I’m a mum too and I can’t just organise myself to the point of getting stressed. If they are worth the date, they wait.
I want to enjoy life too in every sense so I totally get you not compromising whatever your age
I personally do not date and don’t wish to date guys without kids. It’s too much hassle and they really don’t get what being a parent is. That May change but right now I don’t want guys with no kids

Thank you for that @GoldenMirror

Thanks @GoldenMirror . I have a 14 year old at home and a complicated family so would prefer someone with grown up kids or none, but am slightly wary I guess!

i really just want someone to enjoy life with, no plans to move them in. It’s so difficult! Really wish last one had just got his mojo back: nice guy, but had lapsed into proper pipe and slippers mode.

I’ve thanked myself by accident 🤣oops @Mila14

😂😂😂 I have no wish to move anyone in or move myself to anyone either!!!

@GoldenMirror no plans to move anyone in or merge families etc here either - I wouldn't rule it out when the kids are off to uni etc but that's many moons away so I always make it clear that its not on cards in foreseeable. In fact nobody has even met my kids save for mr Mason who I dated for 7 months and that was a fleeting hello to only one not long before we split. I just don't feel the need to mix those two parts of my life - or maybe I've never met anyone that's made me want to 🤔

I only date men who have grown up dc or no dc. My dc are now 18 and 16 but both are autistic, I wouldn’t want to live with someone until my dc have moved out and I’m not sure if dd2 will ever move out due to her high needs (dd1 is going to uni). Blended families rarely work and causes so much stress to everyone, I know they can work but I wouldn’t want to put my kids through that.i have been dating on and off since they were 9 and 11, tried moving someone in when they were younger but it was awful.

Just to add the kids chat, most men know that potential dates probably come with kids, so anyone sensible will have already thought about that.
some men will avoid women with younger children ( sorry, but I’m one of those ),

also lots of divorced / out of a LTR men will quite never want full time cohabitation again ( again I’m of those).

Just an update for the thread as I had some great advice, and haven't been here for a while. Well I met someone on Bumble and we've now been dating for 8 weeks! I'm totally loved up, more than I should be, and he seems to be too. I'll call him Mr H.

@lesgalettes great to hear, that gives us all hope! Loved up too...mmm very nice for the summer dating thread!

Dating is and can be treacherous, yet also life affirming, as a single mamma my ' chances' to go out at all are very limited, so when a date is good fun it makes you go ahhh and have a smile on your face for a day or two.

Yayyy…so happy for you. And you are all loved up…You are going to have to spill the beans here about Mr H 😂😂😂