Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm the other woman

107 replies

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:42

So I'm about to be destroyed but here goes. I'm single had a 3 year affair just ended as we were spotted by someone who saw us. He ended it but has told it wife it was a few months. I feel so so bad. Should I speak to her

OP posts:
Diverseopinions · 17/07/2022 01:35

I don't think he'll get revenge on you, as he will be wanting to look respectable and to carry on with his quiet home life and to minimize the drama. Now she knows, all the responses of the friends and friends of friends/workmates, will come into play, and he'll be wanting to salvage some sort of vestige of reputation - 'a decent man who made a one-off stupid mistake', so he won't be thinking of posting revenge porn or getting aggressive.

Three or four married posters have told you they wish they had known the full facts and the truth about their partner's infidelity. If the wife speaks to you, be honest. If he's a serial cheater, he won't want to stay with you anyway. You know you wouldn't have exclusivity with him, and she knows that you know that, and she will probably believe what you tell her, if you tell it in a straight way, as you've said things on this thread. She,'ll see you are not trying to put her off so you will get him.

I think knowing he is a serial cheater and not a foolish and mid-life-crisised man will help her to stop feeling sympathy for him and that would be a good thing if staying with him were to diminish the joy and self-respect she deserves. But that is for her to decide, how she responds.

If you want to decide, respond specifically to those posters who say that they, or their mothers, were the wife and knowing the truth and the lies helped them to move on. They know - not we others. Ignore the responses of those without the experience, but ask more questions of those who are engaging by channeling their own perspective.

Billylilly · 17/07/2022 01:45

Leave her, him, their family, their life alone. As someone else has said, you’re just rocking the boat now because things haven’t gone your way. You haven’t given her a second thought for the past 3 years now, stop pretending to care now.

Hutchy16 · 17/07/2022 01:59

You should stay out of it. And you should have more respect for yourself and other women in the future.

i wish nothing but pain for you in your future romantic life :)

Scorpio8 · 17/07/2022 07:42

@bstd

I had just broken up with my ex and my head was all over the place. I had reconnected with someone and we started talking online. I remember his girlfriend getting suspicious and somehow she was calling me. In the end I did confess as I felt guilty. Think in my situation it wasn't exactly an affair we just hooked up a few. But did myself no favours because it was like I wrecked the relationship. She was vile the girlfriend.
But the guy played games and message he sent me he deleted so it seemed like I was messaging him. This was a very horrible experience for me.
The girlfriend really took his side whatever lie he told her. She was after my blood but managed to get myself out of it. I will tell you I moved on and think they got married. I think from what I heard maybe he was always cheating on her. I wasn't proud of what I done or out for revenge. He wasn't the love of my life think I used him for comfort as he used me too. Ending of this is tragic.

In my mess felt I had Married Man curse. Because I met another guy didn't even know he was married until he showed me a photo or I saw it social media saw him wearing a wedding ring. I confronted him and he did go back to his wife to sort things out. Again he was serial cheat and think they broke up. He then had a baby with someone else. I was glad to be out of it.
I did however not being in my right start an something with another MM but ended it. That was a really messy situation he was in. I couldn't do it and because this one lived very close to me. It was very hard and today this man destroyed his life. Very bad ending for him. He was a serial cheat again. But he not with his wife no more. I definitely with this one had lucky escape as what he did to her was awful and the kids.

I look back think what the hell happened to me then. I was looking for a man to rescue me. I was hurting from a break up not excusing my behaviour but lesson learnt. All 3 men were having issues and broken. Broken can't heal broken.
Your not rehabilitation centre.

I would give her the information she wants then just block her too. Get yourself out of it. No contact with him as much as you were wrong. He destroyed his marriage. Yes you probably was fed a lie and was sucked in. But I believe you feel guilty. From my experiences please don't involve yourself with a Married Man they the worst kind of men. While we are wrong as the OW we believe the lies. There's a reason he don't want you to talk to her.
You will look back think what was I thinking.

I wish you well but try be single for a while.

bstd · 17/07/2022 16:17

Thank you for the posts

OP posts:
hayu19 · 17/07/2022 16:47

If he cheated on her he will cheat on you.

bstd · 17/07/2022 17:34

I won't give him the chance

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page