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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm the other woman

107 replies

bstd · 16/07/2022 20:42

So I'm about to be destroyed but here goes. I'm single had a 3 year affair just ended as we were spotted by someone who saw us. He ended it but has told it wife it was a few months. I feel so so bad. Should I speak to her

OP posts:
Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:08

he is trying to make sure his wife doesn't talk to me

OP posts:
Misstes · 16/07/2022 21:09

I don’t believe this is to help her at all. I bet this is because he couldn’t get rid of you quick enough when he was caught out and you’re angry and want to out him as revenge.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:09

he is trying to makes sure she doesn't talk to me

OP posts:
Popsicle33 · 16/07/2022 21:10

This reply has been deleted

We've deleted this post as it contains a personal attack which goes against our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:12

I'm really not

OP posts:
Bringonsummer19 · 16/07/2022 21:14

Hmmm I think your intentions are of revenge and not in the best interests of the wife so don’t contact her.

focus on building a life for yourself

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 16/07/2022 21:16

I think you should tell her the facts. How long you were seeing each other, that he still contacts you and if his other affairs were during his relationship with her. Then sort your life out

Crabwoman · 16/07/2022 21:18

If she wants/needs to communicate then speak to her.

Tell her everything. Give her what she needs to make decisions/move on with her life.

Then block the puppet master and move on.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:21

He's blocked

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 16/07/2022 21:30

He’s a serial cheater but you decided to engage in a relationship with him? I’m not judging you but seems like you only want to share Info with her now since he has ended it.
Im glad you’ve blocked him. Leave him be, his poor wife doesn’t deserve that and by the sounds of it, he’s never going to leave her. She will need to throw him out.
If she makes contact with you then talk to her but don’t go out of your way to contact her as he will lie and say you’re crazy, you won’t leave him alone and you have problems!

drpet49 · 16/07/2022 21:32

“It's sad you was happy being the other woman and not saying a word to this woman when you was doing this but now things aren't going your way, your gonna rock the boat even more just to be spiteful and finally be honest

Leave the woman alone, you should have been honest from the beginning and not done it in the first place.

No point trying to act like you have a moral compass now.”

^Great post. Leave the woman alone OP

BadNomad · 16/07/2022 21:37

Normally I'd say keep out of it, but I think if the wife wants to talk to you, then that's different. She's the victim in all this and deserves answers to the questions she has. But only if it's the truth. Don't cover up for him and don't pretend you are a victim.

ZaraSizeMedium · 16/07/2022 21:41

Just leave her alone.

You're kidding no one with this idea that you’ve suddenly developed a conscience.

You’re craving excitement now that the grubby thrill of thinking you were getting one over on her by sneaking around behind her back for 3 years has ended, and you’re looking for yet another way to insert yourself into her life.

Go and take up a new hobby - something to get your adrenaline pumping. Fill your life with other more positive things.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:42

I will answer her questions honestly that's all. A bit worried he will want revenge though

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 16/07/2022 21:46

You are not doing this for his wife, you are doing this to eke revenge on him.

Hiddenvoice · 16/07/2022 21:47

How would he get revenge on you?
he will think you’re doing it out of spite. I agree you should answer the questions honestly but please consider her feelings whilst doing so. The man and yourself are the ones in the wrong, she’s just an innocent woman who wants to know what’s been going on, she might not be expecting it to be as full on as it has been.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 16/07/2022 21:50

Well you're not doing it for her sake are you? If you cared about her feelings, you wouldn't have been fucking her husband for years. She does deserve to know the truth. But don't pretend you feel bad for doing it, you feel bad because you've been caught.

MoistHolibobs · 16/07/2022 21:51

Oh OP, you love the drama don’t you. If this is even real, now he’s dumped you, you’re getting your drama kicks on here. It’s probably not though and you’re just looking for attention on here.

Classy.

BadNomad · 16/07/2022 21:52

bstd · 16/07/2022 21:42

I will answer her questions honestly that's all. A bit worried he will want revenge though

What could he do to you?

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:55

He knows where I live plus has a video we recorded

OP posts:
bigspoonlittlespoon · 16/07/2022 21:57

I never get this thing about how the OW should stay out of things. If I could have heard the truth about my ex from another woman, I would have welcomed it. At least it would have had more chance of being true than the absolute minimising bullshit he fed to me.

I'd get in touch with her and let her know OP. I think she has a right to know the truth.

SpilltheTea · 16/07/2022 21:58

Stop being dramatic and grow up. Block the both of them and leave them to it. I'm sure the wife knows you're not the first.

Original poster
bstd · 16/07/2022 21:59

I'll message her on facebook and see if she wats to talk

OP posts:
BadNomad · 16/07/2022 22:00

He would get into a lot of trouble if he did anything with that video. "Revenge porn" could land him in prison, so it depends on how stupid he is if he's likely to do something like that. Is he violent?

K8Shrop · 16/07/2022 22:00

This is the biggest load of crap I've ever read on here Grin

Not that I for a second believe a single word of this, but if I did... the fact you said "i feel bad" is hilarious. Why would you now feel bad but not during the affair itself.

At least make your story believable