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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there a doctor in the house? Feeling OH is lying about serious medical issue

190 replies

Tamz77 · 17/01/2008 18:23

Will try to keep this brief, but it's complicated.

Last Thursday my OH went into hospital to be tested for bowel cancer. Apparently, about a year ago he had a similar scare, had some tests and they proved negative. However the symptoms have reappeared and he was referred again.

My doubts have been raised by the following:

  1. OH was referred in early December, having had renewed symptoms for a while, and didn't tell me until the week before he went into hospital.

  2. When he did go in he asked me not to visit, he did text me while he was there, periodically, but didn't phone me at all.

  3. The tests he was having supposedly involved the camera down the throat (having had the rectal camera test last year). However, when he came out he said this had involved him being under general anaesthetic for 18 hrs. When he said this I made a joke in reply, "That's not an examination, that's separating Siamese twins." A couple of friends I've mentioned it to have said quite seriously though that there's no way you could or would keep someone under that long unless it was indeed major surgery.

  4. He said when he got out that 3 biopsies had been taken. Today he was called back to see the surgeon and told it WAS cancer, that they had completely removed a cyst during the 'op'. This is the first I've heard of any cyst removal, and anyway, could they do this without actually opening up the abdomen?

  5. When he was in, he texted me to say the surgeon would be talking to him when he did his rounds on the Saturday. Everyone's telling me surgeon's don't do rounds at the weekend. This may be a minor detail.

TBH he's told me so much about his hospital stay, what he ate and who he chatted to etc, that if he was lying it would make him a complete psychopath. I'm not usually this paranoid but I HAVE caught the guy lying about several small things in the time we've been together, mostly to do with past relationships or things he's done, nothing huge just a bit of bullshit IYKWIM. I feel awful doubting a potential cancer sufferer but friends are outright suspicious and the 18hrs of anaesthetic issue in particular is one I can't get past. It was his birthday the day he went in, I'm wondering if he was actually away for a rude weekend with someone else and his alibi has just kind of snowballed.

Any advice from medical-type people would be appreciated!

Oh, he's also never mentioned having the barium enema, which maybe he's left out for reasons of personal discretion, but it is a routine test for bowel cancer and I thought he might have mentioned it.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 17/01/2008 18:25

18 hours of anaesthetic is pretty bloody unlikely. To put it mildly.

Tamz77 · 17/01/2008 18:26

PS He was in hospital from Thurs - Sun. He came to see me on the Sunday night and was full of beans. I assumed he'd got the all clear already, he said at the time that 50 per cent of the tests had come back negative.

OP posts:
lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:27

the fact you are even doubting he was in hospital and what he was having done would be ringing alarm bells

no-one is under GA for 18 hours for a routine test... biopsies can be taken during down the throat/ up the bottom procedures, but that is usually done under sedation, takes around an hour

usually they tend to take out things like polyps at the same time, if they can,
cyst is not cancerous,surely it would have been a tumour that was removed??

is he still in hospital? or home?

Iota · 17/01/2008 18:28

what reason did he give you for not visiting him?

lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:29

you would not be full of beans after 18 hours of G&A

has he lied about big stuff before?

is he ill, but embarassed or ashamed of what is wrong, and trying to garner more sympathy?

hunkermunker · 17/01/2008 18:29

Sounds rather unlikely. 18 hours of anaesthetic is undoubtedly a lie.

Why on earth couldn't you visit? Did he tell you what ward he was on?

Bessie123 · 17/01/2008 18:29

Lulu - I could be totally wrong, but I think dermoid cysts can be cancerous?

Why would he pretend to have cancer? If he was making it all up to go on a week away, wouldn't he say it was a false alarm, or something?

ELF1981 · 17/01/2008 18:30

I was admitted to hosp on a Sat and saw consultants on A&E before being admitted to a ward. I was told I'd be discharged most likely that Sun when the doc came to see me.
Everybody on the ward said I wouldn't, I'd get discharged on the Monday, as "doctors don't come around on the weekend".
Sunday - no doc
Monday morning, like a floodgate, doctors, consultants, physio therapist etc all rolling in at 9:00 to do rounds.

Not sure if your OH is lying, seems a bit odd. 18hrs is very odd - esp as I thought things like this (camera wise) is done by local?

Califrau · 17/01/2008 18:30

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RubyRioja · 17/01/2008 18:30

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TheBlonde · 17/01/2008 18:30

hmmm so he was in hosp on his birthday, seems kinda convenient

MrsDandOllie · 17/01/2008 18:31

The fact that you are doubting him is a MAJOR issue in itself, regardless of whether he is lying to you or whether he is just exagerrating/got the wrong end of the stick about some things.
It COULD be all legit and he means he was under observation for 18 hours after his GA or something along those lines, but the fact that you doubt him about something so serious indicates something is very wrong between you somewhere and needs to be dealt with!
It does all sound quite suspicious, but if he really is lying to his partner about being in hospital and having cancer then he is the lowest of the low - I cant imagine what sort of person would actually DO that

lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:31

bessie, i might be wrong !

i have also had investigations , a colonoscopy, barium meal,and took a week to get back results from colonoscopy and the biopsies taken, had the procedure under sedation, took less than an hour.

lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:32

can you talk to his family, they might know something ?

lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:33

can you talk to his family, they might know something ?

Califrau · 17/01/2008 18:33

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 17/01/2008 18:33

Can you call the hospital and just ask whether he was admitted during those days ... it's not like you're asking for personal medical details just confirmation that a man named xxxx was a patient during those days on xxx ward (speciality)

sounds rather odd to me

RubyRioja · 17/01/2008 18:35

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BabiesEverywhere · 17/01/2008 18:36

Camera thing is normal done with a local but if you have a bad reaction, they will sedate you. That said, they did the camera thing and removed gall stones and I still came around in under an hour. So 18 hour thing is suss.

Though I should add the A&E Surgical wards DO have consultants on every day including the weekend. But if he went in on a standard appointment he would not be on the A&E Surgical wards.

What does he say when you ask him about this ?

MrsDandOllie · 17/01/2008 18:36

Call the hospital and say something like 'my partner was in your hospital last week and we think he has left his watch (or something) behind in the ward - can you check for me please?' and see if they say 'who? he wasnt here last week' or if they say 'oh yes, him, we'll check and let you know'!

TheBlonde · 17/01/2008 18:38

Tamz - is this the same guy from the summer with the stripper ex?

Pruners · 17/01/2008 18:46

Message withdrawn

Pruners · 17/01/2008 18:48

Message withdrawn

Tamz77 · 17/01/2008 18:49

Yeah same guy

OP posts:
lulumama · 17/01/2008 18:49

they might not reveal information about him to anyone , even if you are his partner...

i would challenge him directly

good point re preparing for the procedure.. have bad memories now of the picolax and the special diet....

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