Is there a doctor in the house? Feeling OH is lying about serious medical issue

[Tamz77]

Will try to keep this brief, but it's complicated.

Last Thursday my OH went into hospital to be tested for bowel cancer. Apparently, about a year ago he had a similar scare, had some tests and they proved negative. However the symptoms have reappeared and he was referred again.

My doubts have been raised by the following:

1. OH was referred in early December, having had renewed symptoms for a while, and didn't tell me until the week before he went into hospital.

2. When he did go in he asked me not to visit, he did text me while he was there, periodically, but didn't phone me at all.

3. The tests he was having supposedly involved the camera down the throat (having had the rectal camera test last year). However, when he came out he said this had involved him being under general anaesthetic for 18 hrs. When he said this I made a joke in reply, "That's not an examination, that's separating Siamese twins." A couple of friends I've mentioned it to have said quite seriously though that there's no way you could or would keep someone under that long unless it was indeed major surgery.

4. He said when he got out that 3 biopsies had been taken. Today he was called back to see the surgeon and told it WAS cancer, that they had completely removed a cyst during the 'op'. This is the first I've heard of any cyst removal, and anyway, could they do this without actually opening up the abdomen?

5. When he was in, he texted me to say the surgeon would be talking to him when he did his rounds on the Saturday. Everyone's telling me surgeon's don't do rounds at the weekend. This may be a minor detail.

TBH he's told me so much about his hospital stay, what he ate and who he chatted to etc, that if he was lying it would make him a complete psychopath. I'm not usually this paranoid but I HAVE caught the guy lying about several small things in the time we've been together, mostly to do with past relationships or things he's done, nothing huge just a bit of bullshit IYKWIM. I feel awful doubting a potential cancer sufferer but friends are outright suspicious and the 18hrs of anaesthetic issue in particular is one I can't get past. It was his birthday the day he went in, I'm wondering if he was actually away for a rude weekend with someone else and his alibi has just kind of snowballed.

Any advice from medical-type people would be appreciated!

Oh, he's also never mentioned having the barium enema, which maybe he's left out for reasons of personal discretion, but it is a routine test for bowel cancer and I thought he might have mentioned it.

I'm not a doctor but I've done a fair bit of research on colon cancer, and it does all sounds pretty odd to be honest. I have never come across cysts in the colon before- the benign lesions are usually polyps, but that may be because I'm not a medic.

Have you thought about looking at his bank and credit card statements? It's potentially a breach of trust (if you don't normally share that information), but given the circumstances perhaps you should do some detective work.

if he is a nob then just ask him direct and tell him to show some evidence as you are havin difficulty belieinving him

Califrau I think Pruni means because he was told it was cancer, and they wouldn't just say we removed a "cyst" that was cancer now off you go.

It certainly sounds dodgy!

He's been told they removed a cancerous cyst and has to go back in 3 months. Haven't spoken to him since this latest development. Don't want to ask too many questions, what if he's not bullshitting? Then I'd be the lunatic! And our relationship would probably be over.

I've changed my name to reply to this, but I am a regular poster. It sounds as though you have doubts - is there a key question you could ask him that would show if he was lying? Have you known him very long? You said he's lied about other stuff - has it ever been big stuff?
It's possible that this is a lie that's got out of control. My dad is a congenital liar. About three years ago, I bumped into a friend of his who was astonished to see me up and about - having had a baby - because she understood I had been in a coma for several months . I confronted him straight away and he admitted it had got out of hand, he'd said it to get attention, etc. But when I was younger he did lie - about having cancer, too, and I know how sick that is, believe me - to hide affairs, get sympathy and all sorts. And the strange thing is, when I told my mum about his lies three years ago she said she knew of other men who lied regularly about being widowers and all sorts. People can get into very sticky situations when they try to hide a lie.
Although my dad has severe "ishoos" and is by no means normal, what I'm saying is that small lies can get out of hand.

Biopsies take a minimum of a week to be processed for a definitive answer , this is because they have to be stained and treated before they can be examined.

Occassionally in for example a breast clinic, cells can be looked at and a probably diagnosis given more quickly, but t
this is unusual.

the 18 hour thing is cr*p

cysts can be removed by endoscopy, but it is unusual to have 'cysts' in your stomach or bowel

and I am a medic

hmmmm...... the anaesthetic for 18 hours may be just him exaggerating (and meaning under observation)

either:

1. He has cancer and is hiding the truth to protect you

1. or he is lying and is doing something else

I would call the hospital, pretend to be his mother and ask what ward he is on. If they confirm he is discharged then at least you are some way to an answer.

Massive alarm bells ringing here.

I assume you don't live together
Have you met his family or flatmates?

Yes, call the hospital and check seems a good idea.

i once knew a bloke who lied about all sorts of things. he said his mum had died, and that he was an ex paratrooper, and that he had had a twin brother who died when they were 4...god it went on and on!

i do think it sounds highly suss, to be honest. and i think the relationship may be fairly rocky from what you say anyway. has he said what ward he was on?

Interesting point about the biopsies lemonstartree. His first results were back within 24 hrs.

tamz

cancerous cysts.. doesn;t ring true..

a polyp or growth or tumour, maybe

and no follow up for 3 months

my auntie had a tumour removed from her colon a few years ago, didn;t take 18 hours, and although she did not need radio or chemotherapy, she was not left to sit it out for 3 months

do you really think you can or it is worth sustaining a relationship with a man who can tell such potentially huge lies?

lying that you have cancer is sick, inexcusable and not someone i would want near me or my children

lemonstartree, would you normally use the term "cyst" to describe something that was malignant? I would have said the opposite really, it's certainly not terminology used in scientific papers, but maybe it would be used by doctors to sound more colloquial? I don't know, it would certainly all ring alarm bells with me.

The hospital will not give you that information, as it is confidential. They will assume that if you are close to the person that they will have told you about their admission.

18 hours for a GA for a gastroscopy is laughable, and the fact that he is out within 3 days after such a major anaesthetic even more so.

Sounds very dodgy.

Hi
medically you would not use the term 'cyst' to describe a cancerous tumour; not to another Dr; but some Drs might use that term to explain something to a lay person.... hard to say?

what treatment is proposed ?

All very odd.
Consultants do come round on sat. Both my brother and I were in different hospitals in November and we both saw Consultanmts on saturday.

Haven't read all of thread yet want to post ideas before I forget!

18hrs of anesthetic? Could he mean post op pain relief? such as a PCA or an epidural.

camera down the throat? Was it definately down the throat? Ops can be done abdominally via cameras - key hole surgery. That would warrant the above pain relief (pCA I'd have thought). If this was the case it would also explain the length of hospital stay which for a simple endoscopy is very odd.

you do have to fast before a colonoscopy - do you remember him doing that? and sedation for the camera down the throat, not general.

am a doc also
poor you tam what a mess
18 hours agree total rubbish - unless he was out for say half an hour and then was drowsy afterwards and didn't remember much(unlikely)
he might have got confused between cyst and polyp, they are different but both benign(not cancer) - and yes you can chop out a polyp and then find out later it has a few cancerous bits in
you need bowel prep picolax etc for colonoscopy which he had before - over 2 days - no eating and pooing a lot to clear the bowel so you can see what you are doing
you said though he was having it down his throat - this only looks just past the stomach and def not into the colon - so if he had thaat only he cannot have colon cancer so you've got him there.to look at the colon you have to go up the bum! barium enemas - might do but might just do the camera test and not have that.
sunday rounds do happen occasionly - there are on call docs and some committed consultants BUT very unlikely to get results on a sunday as the pathologists who look at them aren't in. it can be quicker than a week for results.
sounds dodge to be honest

oops took far too long reading and posting!

Thanks lemon. I wondered that too, if it might have been used as a reassuring term. It's just that the whole account sounds slightly off really (or very off in the case of the 18 hours).