Biggest life changing regret.

[Nellynelnel]

Mine is not having children. The wondering of what my life would have been like if I did.

Do you have any life changes regrets? If so would you like to share?

Agreed

it sounds like you knew a lot about each other. Baffling that losing his number meant the end.

Giving up my job for my husband and leaving uni before I graduated. I have seriously fucked up - can't even get a job in retail now 😒 I am it seems thoroughly unemployable.

Self-harming like crazy one day when I was 12. I have really thin skin so my arms are still covered in scars decades later and I wasted all holidays and summers throughout my 20s in long sleeves and tights because I was worried about people staring!

I met him.towards the end of my college course so once I left we arranged ti meet a few times but I never told him where I lived. He'd just drop me off at the bus station.

Yes looking back I could have tracked him down but at the time I just didn't know how. I didn't drive amd I couldn't get there without someone taking me at least from the bus station where he'd pick me up from. I didn't know the address just the name of the building. Plus I.was skint the taxi from.college to his cost 40 quid. U dont get that working for 3.25 an hour at weekends.. .

Hes not on face book either I've looked 😳

I wish I'd gone for counselling years and years ago instead of letting things fester

Same.

I think the way you need to look at this is that this is not the big loss of the love of your life.

You had seen each other a number of times and seemed to know quite a bit about him, plus he drove so what was stopping him?! With a bit of effort you could have found him, simply by getting the last phone bill would have done it.

You even knew where he lived!!

Being a people pleaser. By the time I was in my mid forties I had been used and abused by so many people in relationships, friendships, work and family. Stopped it now but ponder who I could have been and what I could have achieved. It had become such an ingrained habit and way to live. Its taken years to overcome and I still relapse even now.

Purple, I sympathise. I would have written the same 20 years ago. Now after 20-plus years of happy marriage, I look back at the bad times without any pain. Somewhere along the way, I said to DH “I’ve just realised we’ve now been happy for longer than we were unhappy!” That felt like a triumph.

I wish the same happiness for you and your DH. xx

@Ohthatsexciting thank you so much. I really appreciate your comment xxx

I know but I couldn't get there. His number would have been on a bill addressed to my parents who were already mad at me for the phone bill amd I didnt dare ask. I then ended up moving around a bit into not the most stable of living arrangements where I couldn't even afford to eat half the time . I got kicked out of home leading to sofas, mates houses, bedsits and shared houses. As of he'd have wanted any of that shit.

Rightly or wrongly thats just how I felt af the time

I genuinely mean it

Choosing to live with my mum. I so wish I’d chosen dad. I wouldn’t be who I am now and that’s a good thing. The scars she’s given me will be sore forever.

Wish I’d been pushier in trying to get my grandmother to see a doctor when I could tell something was wrong. She kept telling me she’d go when I pleaded with her, but never did.

Not pushing DH for a third child when I was younger and our second was a toddler. I knew it was what I wanted and we would cope, but DH was worried we couldn't afford. In my late 30s, he changed his mind, but we had three awful miscarriages (physically as well as emotionally) and I think that's made it all worse. Two years on we are still big really struggling with this. I am still heartbroken that I didn't have the family I wanted and DH is full of regret that he kept saying we should wait. I know we are so lucky to have the two beautiful children we do, and I feel guilty for how I feel, knowing that others don't have that, but none-the-less I still really struggle to move on.

@ilovesushi thanks for the encouragement! I think I'd be better in the UK as that where I learned to drive and the other drivers are a bit more predictable! My spatial awareness is pretty rubbish which is the main problem. Good to hear you conquered your fears. I was on my way to that level before I stopped. Thanks again!

Wishing time away (just booked a holiday in 2 months time and already caught myself thinking 'I wish it was already holiday time') then looking back and wondering where its gone.

DC3 is the age DC2 was nearly 3 years go and I swear I have no idea where those 3 years went.

DH says its the result of lockdown but I think its the result of getting older (when you where 5 a year was a lifetime but at 35 its a blink of an eye - pretty sure its relitive to how much previous time we experianced so that means it will only go faster the longer we live).

I regret letting so many men shape and control my life without standing up for myself more:

• my DH being more of a dyed in the wool old-school misogynist who doesn't really pull his weight automatically


• My 2 DSs who have had DH as their role model and would still be lazy if I let them


• various male bosses for toxic sexist work environments and making me redundant for a) being pregnant and b) not being able to able to be part of the after-work pub culture (I had small children)


• my brother, for being an arse when our DF died


• my FIL for always treating me like an outsider in the family

My 'old' self would never have let these things happen, but too often I was worn down and over-scheduled to make a stand.

@BellePeppa All of what you posted, adding in:

letting my mother get in my head when I was 30, and marrying my ex H when we should have split up. He'd kept me a 'secret' from his parents for 5 years, even though we all lived in the same town and they knew he was dating me.

Putting up with the above crap.

Not having the guts to tell my parents to fuck off when I was 18 and move out to live with my then boyfriend. Would have been the making of me, and would have not resulted in a stupid marriage when I'd just turned 21, purely to get away from them. I was divorced before I was 25.

I regret marrying my exH, who in retrospect was never as keen as I was. And I wasn’t even that keen! I wasted 6 years waiting for him to ask me to marry him, then felt that it was my last chance of a family, (I was 30.) Three DC later, one with SN, and he left for the OW, with whom he seems really happy. Whereas I had sacrificed my career to look after DS2 and now work in a term time low paid job to be around for DS2 while exH is doing really well. Big house, numerous holidays etc. I love the kids but they are all ND to some extent and aren’t exactly good company. I do feel somewhat trapped.

Going to uni straight from school to do a degree I didn't really want to do just cause my pals were. cue 10 years of arsing about in various jobs before I retrained.

I have very few regrets but I do wish I had learned what I know now about how to manage my weight, about 20 years ago.

Allowing myself to be talked into applying for a job, (already had a job I was happy with), being hit head on by a car driving on the wrong side of the road while I was on my motorbike and loosing my right leg as a result.