Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Biggest life changing regret.

309 replies

Nellynelnel · 15/07/2022 20:04

Mine is not having children. The wondering of what my life would have been like if I did.

Do you have any life changes regrets? If so would you like to share?

OP posts:
54isanopendoor · 16/07/2022 09:42

Due to a highly abusive childhood I have never been able to value myself or see any small or large 'red flags' in life, & trust myself to extricate when needed. Thus I have been 'stuck' in quite a few really unhelpful / v damaging situations.
Nice people have lost patience with me, less nice have jumped in for some 'fun'.
It is very isolating & hard to have resources to cope as I have my own children.
It has dogged my life. I am now in my mid 50's & just coming out of the FOG.

Welshrarebitontoast · 16/07/2022 09:44

Always being “the good girl” or doing the right thing for everyone else. It’s resulted in a life of putting myself last in everything to make sure other people are “happy”.

WibbleBibble · 16/07/2022 09:44

There's still time to become who you might have been @littlerayofsunshine0 dont give up on yourself!

Lovemusic33 · 16/07/2022 09:47

Getting married early (21) and having dc early.

Of course I don’t regret my kids as such but I wish I had waited.

Xtraincome · 16/07/2022 09:59

@54isanopendoor you are doing great! I can only imagine how hard it must have been all those years. Well done for coming out of it.

Maggiesgirl · 16/07/2022 09:59

Biggest mistake was marrying my first husband I was 18 and he was 30. Met him when I was 16. My parents hated him but I wouldn't listen and then got pregnant.

By 20 I had had two children and he was being physically abusive as well as being a gambler and drinker. Finally left him at 23 when he put me over a bannister.

I was 30 before I plucked up the courage to go on another date. Missed all my youth years.

2ndMrsdeWinter · 16/07/2022 10:00

I wish I’d walked away from my previous career sooner. I was desperately unhappy for many years and hated the toxic culture. So many people told me it was ‘just a job’ etc but 40+ hours a week is a lot of time to be unhappy. I’m so glad I left a year ago and I’m now retraining in something I have wanted to do for a long time.

secular39 · 16/07/2022 10:04

Twobigsapphires · 16/07/2022 02:50

Married exh young and had a couple of kids. When my kids were small (1&2) I worked with a man I fell madly in love with, he confessed he felt the same and I was so torn and felt so guilty. Knew I couldn’t leave Dh so I left my job instead to save me from the temptation of the man I had fallen for and who felt so right for me. I had to give me marriage a shot for my kids sake, despite the fact that I think I knew deep down that it was doomed and I’d regretted marrying him.
over the next 10 years and Dh became depressed and agressive towards me as the years went on. I was so unhappy and lived on egg shells for years. One day at my lowest point when I’d just had a row so bad with Dh that he’d smacked me round the face and smashed my car up with a bat I was wandering round sainsburys in a daze, I bumped into the guy I’d worked with all those years ago. Despite me moving areas he was now working in same said area. We clicked instantly again but I was too beaten down to peruse it. A week later he messaged me on Facebook to tell me he knew I was suffering and that he had always loved me and if I ever needed him he would be there for me. 2 weeks later after another violent argument I walked out on my exdh and took my kids with me. I left everything behind.
Said guy and I have been happily married now for over 10 years. He is my soulmate and we are perfect for each other. I wish I’d left my exh much much sooner.

Wow. This is like a love story in the movies.

WordleGummidge · 16/07/2022 10:04

Regret all the time I've spent regretting things.

Who's to say life would have been better had a different decision been made?

taxi4ballet · 16/07/2022 10:06

Sending my DD to the wrong ballet school. Long story!

RosesAndHellebores · 16/07/2022 10:09

@Tabbouleh Flowers that sounds heartbreaking.

Ohthatsexciting · 16/07/2022 10:17

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/07/2022 20:45

I regret sticking my phone in my pocket not my bag. If it had been in my bag it wouldn't have fallen in the station toilet. Id have then not lost the number of the guy I was seeing. The only man I've never had too choose what to sacrifice. Do I go for reliable but no chemistry. Do I go for chemistry but no real conversations etc

I sometimes wonder what my life could have been like if I'd been able to keep seeing him.

Sorry if covered but when you got new phone you would have had same number, so he could have contacted you? @Whatwouldscullydo

Ticktockbigclock · 16/07/2022 10:17

Welshrarebitontoast · 16/07/2022 09:44

Always being “the good girl” or doing the right thing for everyone else. It’s resulted in a life of putting myself last in everything to make sure other people are “happy”.

Yeah I feel like that. Appeasing knobheads too much.

Ydr · 16/07/2022 10:19

@Whatwouldscullydo @Ohthatsexciting also you could have contacted the phone company for a bill breakdown which would have included his number … maybe still can?!

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 16/07/2022 10:23

I don't regret my children but I do regret my life.
There is no me just mum, wife, worker, blob. If anyone were ever to ask what I want I wouldn't know what to say because I just don't know.

Whatwouldscullydo · 16/07/2022 10:25

I didnt keep the same number with the new phone. I'm not sure u even could back then. Twas the old Nokia 5110 akd 3210 days.

My parents were paying fir my phone while I.was at college. They never renewed the contract as I ran up.a huge bill with texts 😳 i had to go buy a new phone on pay as you go with a new number. I didnt even know you could keep the same number.

Luckilu my college friends bad my house number so I.could get their numbers again when they called. But I lost other numbers forever 😪

Ohthatsexciting · 16/07/2022 10:25

SouperNoodle · 16/07/2022 08:32

I 100% regret the person I used to be. I made poor decisions, regularly hurt people, took advantage of people and overall just fucked myself up. Sometimes I try to make excuses for myself because I was seriously mentally unwell but now I'm just mad at the person I was, despite the challenges I had.

I'm such a different person now and barely recognise who I was.

I love posts like this

It says so so much about who you are, the insight and the strength of your character. You don’t mention therapy so I presume you reached this insight all by yourself, which makes it even more impressive. 💐 to you @SouperNoodle makes for such a refreshing change to the very many “I am too nice” posts I see

Ohthatsexciting · 16/07/2022 10:26

Whatwouldscullydo · 16/07/2022 10:25

I didnt keep the same number with the new phone. I'm not sure u even could back then. Twas the old Nokia 5110 akd 3210 days.

My parents were paying fir my phone while I.was at college. They never renewed the contract as I ran up.a huge bill with texts 😳 i had to go buy a new phone on pay as you go with a new number. I didnt even know you could keep the same number.

Luckilu my college friends bad my house number so I.could get their numbers again when they called. But I lost other numbers forever 😪

How frustrating!

did you not know where he worked? Studied? Hobbies? Know anyone he knew?

Whatwouldscullydo · 16/07/2022 10:27

My parents also.didnt know i was seeing him and so I couldn't go and ask to see the bill to get his number.

Badger1970 · 16/07/2022 10:27

Getting into debt. I'm stuck in a very miserable marriage as a result and with no way out for the next 5 years.

I have never wished I could turn time back more.

ancientgran · 16/07/2022 10:28

willithappen · 15/07/2022 22:36

Doing things for 'boys' in my late teens/early 20s
I was so boy/love orientated and fixated on love that I screwed up my future a bit.
Was pretty smart at school, top grades and got unconditional to all universities I applied to. I accepted the one closest to home because of the relationship I was in. I then pulled out of living in halls to stay at home and be with him.
Needless to say he was a big cheat and the relationship didn't last long at all. I went on to have some pretty shit times and not finish my law degree so am now stuck in a dead end (ish) job

I wish I'd have focussed on myself more. However, my dd makes things so amazing right now that I wouldn't change the past at all if it meant never having her.
I'm not long turned 30, so I know that I have options still and hopefully can turn things around

Also massively regret getting into payday loans. These are paid off but it spiralled into other debt and I'm currently in 5k worth and partner doesn't know. I regret not being good with my money at all

You have so much in front of you. I left school at 15 with no qualifications by 21 I was married with 2 kids, a mortgage and an alcoholic husband. I did A levels, did a degree by day release, got divorced, remarried and 2 more children. All before I hit 40.

Studying when you have children isn't as bad as people think, we used to be sitting at the dining table doing our homework together and I think it made me a good role model for them.

Regrets aren't worth it, your life could be drastically different in a matter of years. Good luck.

Ohthatsexciting · 16/07/2022 10:29

Whatwouldscullydo · 16/07/2022 10:27

My parents also.didnt know i was seeing him and so I couldn't go and ask to see the bill to get his number.

And you could t say you needed to see a friend’s number or something?

Whatwouldscullydo · 16/07/2022 10:32

I also stupidly applied my intense level of secrecy with my parents to him. So I didnt call where I at least knew where his.parents worked and he had involvement with the family business incase I dropped him in it with his parents.

Given he was 26 it was stupid I know but this was just how I was. Always so concerned that I'd get someone into trouble or accidentally out them into something they weren't ready for that I'd either never risk it or come up with some strange complicated way of solving the problem keeping all.secrecy in tact 😳 i didn't want to embarrass them into breaking up with me. Always felt I was somehow lucky and undeserving. Guess it cost me a real.chance of something good.

Mellowyellow222 · 16/07/2022 10:34

Did he now know where you lived? Know any of your friends? Where you were studying?

dod you know where he lived? Know any of his friends? Where he worked?

while this is a big regret - I think of it was meant to be you would have been able to track each other down.

Ohthatsexciting · 16/07/2022 10:34

Daisytomhope · 15/07/2022 21:05

Having a medical procedure that made me disabled, lost my job and ended up a single mum on benefits struggling to support my dc who had to become my carers.
Going from a professional job with a promising future to a life fighting for benefits and health care for me and my dc.
I lost many friends and most relatives because I suddenly couldn't be the one to support them, I needed support so they upped and left me.
My dc are going to spend the next 6 weeks stuck at home because I can't physically get out and about but will put a brave face on and not complain.

@Daisytomhope

Contact local council. If you are on benefits and pip - then there will likely be camps and events that the council will heavily subside or even free