Biggest life changing regret.

[Nellynelnel]

Mine is not having children. The wondering of what my life would have been like if I did.

Do you have any life changes regrets? If so would you like to share?

Leaving my first husband.
He was the only man who really loved me and would have literally done anything for me .... the rest have been a combination of abusive, cheaters and an alcoholic!

Doing things for 'boys' in my late teens/early 20s
I was so boy/love orientated and fixated on love that I screwed up my future a bit.
Was pretty smart at school, top grades and got unconditional to all universities I applied to. I accepted the one closest to home because of the relationship I was in. I then pulled out of living in halls to stay at home and be with him.
Needless to say he was a big cheat and the relationship didn't last long at all. I went on to have some pretty shit times and not finish my law degree so am now stuck in a dead end (ish) job

I wish I'd have focussed on myself more. However, my dd makes things so amazing right now that I wouldn't change the past at all if it meant never having her.
I'm not long turned 30, so I know that I have options still and hopefully can turn things around

Also massively regret getting into payday loans. These are paid off but it spiralled into other debt and I'm currently in 5k worth and partner doesn't know. I regret not being good with my money at all

Marrying a man who was my best friend rather than my partner/ lover. We had an amazing daughter so I couldn’t / wouldn't take it back but I wasted too much of my life coasting along unhappily and that also led to bad health decisions. I just wonder what my life could have been.

2 things.

1. Not going to university - my mum told me she wouldn't let me and back then, I couldn't see how I could manage it without her support. So I didn't go. I made damn sure my kids knew that I would support them wholeheartedly, in whatever way I could. One did go and one didn't. Their decision entirely.
2. Waiting to have my dcs. I'd like to think that if we'd had them a couple of years sooner, DFIL would have been around to see his grandchildren and my spiteful MIL would not have blamed them for his death (no connection at all, apart from the timing) and would have had the same sort of relationship with them as she did with her other, younger dgc. It was so hard for them to hear their cousins talk about their wonderful grandmother, when she treated them so differently, even at the end. I could never, ever treat my dgc the way she treated my dcs.

I regret wasting time on people who didn’t value me. Looking back I was a bloody doormat - changing my personality and putting up with crap just so I had friends and a boyfriend. and I was miserable!

People often say what they like, especially if unusual. I have a child who has striking looks. They say what they think at the time. It has no relevance to not appreciating the many other qualities my child has because they don't know her. It's purely a brief moment in time and should be appreciated. My DD, who is 12 rolls her eyes now. I'd happily say if I love someone's new hair etc.

I wish I'd been strong enough to pursue an education despite the shit show of a home life I had.

I suppose my main regret is not being able to accept everything I went through growing up. If if been able to accept it was wrong, maybe I'd of been able to start working on the damage done to me sooner. Now I'm stuck in my mid thirties with no idea how to manage healthy relationships with others.

I did the same as you. I got divorced and I'm still hoping to meet the right man. I have hope in my heart.

Not having therapy sooner.

Going to a different college instead of staying at sixth form. Life worked out okay but if I had had some guidance it would have been different.

Partying too hard in my 20s and only just scraped together a mortgage deposit now (38)

Being a martyr. Over extending myself and my limits to prove to myself I could do anything....until I had a bad accident and incurred life-changing injuries. Horrible paralysis and constant pain. Relentless surgeries and treatments. No cure, and I feel sad when I look in the mirror at all my scars and disabilities. Wish I could go back and tell myself it was ok to say 'no' to favours others asked.

Wasting years of my life with a group of utterly toxic “friends” - one girl was the worst and it took me years to get rid of her. It’s taking a long time but I am slowly rebuilding my self esteem and have remained friends with kind, loyal intelligent women who have never berated me like they did. Don’t stay in a friendship group just for the sake of it would be my advice!

Taking the wrong course at uni, when I should of stuck with the right course at a poly. Dropping biology a level when I was shit hot at it, because there was a field trip coming up and my Dad had just been made redundant, so I wrongly got the impression that parents would be too skint for me to go - they weren't, just unnecessary panic as are super rainy day savers and super tight, but had pots more than I've ever had in life. Just would of been on a totally different path, most likely a better one.

@B1rd I'm divorced too. Not particularly holding out for a man though, enjoying the single life!

Not working to my potential at school, being a chronic people pleaser for years, not valuing myself enough to leave bad relationships, caring too much what people thought about me. Thankfully I am no longer a people pleaser or care what people think but I look back on my life and see so much that I would change if I could just travel back in time.

Not realising my teen crush was asking me out, it dawned on me a couple of years later.

I had no way of getting in touch, pre internet and mobile phone.

I recently found out he was given 6 months to live at 23, he made it to 40.

Came to say the same. Although I've since remarried and had more children (I don't regret the children for a second) I do wonder how life would be if I'd stayed with my first husband. My second marriage is not the best and highlights all the things I took for granted the first time around.

We were young when we got together and I thought we'd grown apart but looking back, it was more the grass is greener type scenario. Never mind, what's done is done.

I regret staying with my ex on a casual basis when we split up.I thought I was ok with it given that he was younger than me and didn't want to rule out having children in the future. I hoped I would move on before him but if... worst case scenario... if he moved on before me... it would be with someone he could potentially have children with, and that would be ok. It hurt me beyond measure when he met someone only slightly younger than me. I still feel sad and hurt and humiliated 5 years later. I've always been able to stay on good terms with exes previously, whether I was the dumper or the dumpee but that situation and its aftermath really damaged my self esteem.

Oh my gosh, letting driving go by the wayside. I spent a very long time learning to drive. It took ages for it to click with me and I failed my test many times. As soon as I passed, I bought a car and made myself drive everywhere, despite the anxiety. I began to love it.

2 months later I moved away to a city with great public transport. The plan was to bring the car but it fell apart and I never got around to getting a new one. It has been 13 years and I have a serious driving aversion.

I live abroad now which adds a layer of confusion to driving but I have mastered the 10 minute drive to work, the 5 minute drive to the grocery shop and the 5 minute drive to the train station. It has a really big effect on my life as I turn a lot of stuff down as its too much to bring my 3 kids on public transport for playdates etc. As my kids get older and will start hobbies and clubs etc I'm going to need to be able to bring them. I'm terrified!

Not buying a house when it was 30k (the norm 20 years ago) not trying harder at school thought it was a laugh and a joke. Should have stayed at the job I loved (nhs) and when I first met my husband the first 6 months of being in a loved up bubble cost me the last few precious months with my lovely nan and uncle I didnt realise how bad they were and I regret not helping them more sitting with them or talking to them.

I regret staying in my first marriage so long when I was unhappy and only finally left when I found he had cheated on me. I should have left 10 years earlier.

Trying to please my mother rather than following my dreams.
Getting involved with someone who I thought loved me but just saw me as a soft touch victim & I ended up giving him all of my savings/inheritance which was to be a deposit on a house. I think I'll never be able to afford to buy a house now.
Not having children. I thought I wouldn't be a good enough mother.

Moving abroad to live with my boyfriend now Husband.

Forever wondering how different my life could have been.

Being massively risk averse in my late teens /early 20s. I went straight from A Levels to Uni - I wish I had taken the risk and travelled but I had no money and wasn’t brave enough. Met my DH at Uni, went straight into my job (which I love to be fair), got a flat, got married, had kids…I don’t feel like I’m that person who did all those conventional things. I wish I had been braver and more adventurous.