Biggest life changing regret.

[Nellynelnel]

Mine is not having children. The wondering of what my life would have been like if I did.

Do you have any life changes regrets? If so would you like to share?

Not buying property when I first moved to London. Not having a third child. Deeply regret both.

My only true regret is not having put sun screen on my hands when I was younger. I used to put it on my face, wasn't into sunbathing, but general everyday sun exposure on my hands has caught up with me and I now have crepey skin with brown spots. The rest of my skin is still pretty good in comparison and I'm reminded every time I look at my hands that I should've put bloody sun screen on! 🙁

@Thursday37

Don't regret that. Your hypothetical other children would have taken time that you currently have with your DD. Even more than normal should they have had additional needs.

I feel your pain. My friend did the same as you and now she deeply regrets it too

A mistake I made at work in august 2018. It’s ruined my confidence in myself, ruined my career, given me some mental health issues and will probably end up with me leaving this role/sector entirely. I wish to G-d every day I had called in sick that day. There doesn’t seem to be a way to get past it and tbh I don’t deserve to get past it. I am a midwife, to give you some idea of the scale and consequence of mistakes that are made in my job.

Luckily the rest of my life is wonderful and I don’t particularly NEED to work so at least I am not tied to this job. I can leave if it gets too much.

I don't, the choices I made were the right ones at the time with the knowledge and resources I had.

Leaving behind my brilliant and loved life to follow DH's career, when he subsequently showed himself to be an foul human being and our marriage collapsed.

However, its easy to wax lyrical about how great life would have been if I had stayed in my home town, but in reality there would have been real problems there too, and I am building up a good life here now, which is many ways is currently better and easier than my old life would have been.

Its taken many years and terrible pain, but I am now starting to see things in a more balanced and honest, rather than bitter, way and to focus less on the loss and more on the good I have now.

I suppose I have learnt that you have to focus on building from what you've got, rather than what you had, or might have had. And to be honest about what that 'missed' life may really have been like.

Not accepting and being a better mum to dd1 before she died.

Being a brat when younger and then not being in touch enough with my wonderful DM in my twenties and early thirties. It breaks my heart now she has gone even though we were close later. I wasted time and must have hurt her and that has made my grief more complicated I think, taken over the last four years and is ever present. I also know I over emote now with my own DDs because I'm afraid of it happening to me, and suffocate them I think. So life changing in different ways.

💔💔💔

I'm sure there's a lot more to that statement. It's such a sad thing to read & I hope you have someone looking after you

To be fair, they asked what 'dps' was (what the previous poster had written) - in this context it probably meant 'Dear Parents', rather than DP = Dear Partner as it does usually.

Not saying your DM suspicions might not be correct, but the comment was misplaced.

I can honestly say I don’t have any regrets. I don’t mean that in a smug way. I’ve made stupid decisions in my life and I have lots of things I muse ‘what if?’ about. But no regrets. They’re futile and just bring you down.

I had a horribly abusive marriage & still have to deal with him & his nonsense 9 years on, tho I'm getting there. While I often wish I'd never met him, I know I wouldn't have my 3 DC if I hadn't so it's hard to maintain it as a regret.

My regret that I go to most often is not having a relationship with the first boy I fell in love with, at 17. He was lovely. We were both very shy & inexperienced. We were friends for a few years with no idea of how to progress it! We went to universities in different cities, saw each other occasionally, but in pre-mobile & Internet days, contact inevitably stopped after the first summer holidays when I'd gone abroad. I often think of him, the occasional google & FB search yield nothing

(I know it's in the realm of day dream as in reality we'd probably have had a silly scrappy teen romance that went nowhere! It's just that I only had two relationships after that, both long term, the second being my abusive H, the first being my university boyfriend who was immature & untrustworthy & hurt me badly)

This thread reminds me of The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. It’s all about regrets and the infinite number of lives we could have lived as the result of the decisions we make.

it’s well worth a read

I loved this book! I listened to it as an audio book & it was wonderful (if upsetting to think about the unlived lives in some cases)

Not buying the flat I rented (they did ask me) in July 1998. Bromley, Kent. 52K.
Sold last year for £450K.

It sounds like you’re still feeling guilty about it. Is that right? But wouldn’t it have been worse to have stayed? What is it he needs to forgive you for. Doesn’t sound like you did anything too awful tbh

I think it’s time to live in the here and now. I don’t think it’s healthy to think about regrets. Yes reflect/learn then move on. Put those ‘regrets’ away.

I used to think that upsetting the parents of my first real close girlfriend and them not allowing us to meet spoiled my life. My parents were also against us continuing.
Thirty years later I realised that had we persisted in a relationship as teenagers life would have been so difficult.

Maybe they were all correct.

@dudsville my best friend was in a similar situation. It took her a long time to stop feeling guilty and I couldn’t understand why she did. Much better to end it than carry on. Hope you feel happy too x

Staying with my ex for so long and wasting years after she cheated. I wanted to keep the family together after growing up in and out of care, Foster homes etc. Partner was neurotic and controlling. Sadly my children see her doing the same with her new husband.

I regret that I didn't spend 12 years as a single woman at the beginning of my adult years instead of the years since 2011.

I started group therapy in my early 30s, so not much younger than you. Really helped me with learning about relating to others. Have a look at the Institute of Group Analysts and see if this could be an option for you. Or just look for a good individual therapist. You can do it! Really good luck with moving forwards

Thinking that going to stay at my Dad's house, which had a swimming pool, for a summer holiday with a lively toddler and a new born was a good idea.

That was 30 years ago and it's still too painful to write about.

Dumping my first love because I was too impatient. We ended up together eventually many years later just with a whole lot of added complications in the form of ex spouses and step parenting issues.